


This Feels Like Falling In Love

by inspireme87



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aspiring Lawyer Lexa, Aspiring NASA Engineer Raven, College AU, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Harassment, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of past abuse, Modern AU, Scrappy Raven, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2019-11-07 20:48:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 71,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17967791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inspireme87/pseuds/inspireme87
Summary: Lexa and Raven meet in college and against all odds, fall in love. Modern College AU. Light enemies to lovers. This is a slow burn. Rated MA for later chapters.Update: Later chapters are finally here!





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at a Lexaven Multichapter fic. Definitely feeling anxious about this one since I usually stick to writing and posting oneshots. I have a lot of this story written, but am not sure how good it is. So I will anxiously wait for your kudos and feedback. Hopefully this story sparks your interest! Let me know if you’re interested in me posting more.
> 
> Special shoutout to Fabmerch who is an amazing friend and human being! This story wouldn’t even exist without her. She gave me the confidence to start posting my fics in the first place and I’ll never be able to thank her enough for that!

From the moment she meets her, Lexa dislikes Raven Reyes. 

The first time she sees her Lexa is waiting in line to get coffee before her next class. The line is moving impossibly slow and Lexa checks her watch repeatedly, worried she’s going to be late. She wonders what’s taking so long, normally the line goes much faster. She cranes her neck to look around the line and that’s when she sees her. A girl with tan skin, brown eyes and wild, chestnut colored hair. She’s wearing a red bomber jacket and flirting with one of the baristas. They’re both just standing there smiling and staring at each other as they talk, and Lexa couldn’t be more annoyed. Is she seriously going to miss her daily caffeine intake because some girl is trying to get into the barista’s pants? 

Thankfully, one of the baristas seems to be doing her job, and Lexa sympathizes with the look of irritation that crosses her face as she glares at her coworker. She finally gets to the front of the line with fifteen minutes to spare before her next class. She orders her usual—an unsweetened Americano Misto with almond milk—and the barista smiles and gets to work. 

Lexa tries to ignore the pair that have been holding up the line in an attempt to keep her cool, but she can’t help but hear them flirting. They’re not exactly being quite or discrete. The brunette is trying to get the barista’s phone number, but the barista is playing hard to get and really, Lexa’s irritation just continues to grow. 

She doesn’t even realize she’s been staring until the brunette turns and catches her, giving her a once over and a wink. Lexa blushes and quickly looks away, completely mortified at having been caught and flustered by the way the brunette was checking her out. She feels her palms start to sweat and is relieved when her coffee is ready so she can grab it and leave. She makes sure to leave a large tip and gives the brunette and flirting barista a scowl before she walks away.

The second time she sees Raven Reyes, the feeling of dislike only increases. 

She’s sitting in her Research Methods class later that day. It’s a required class for her Political Science degree, and she’s paying close attention as the professor reviews the syllabus. The class is bigger than Lexa had anticipated, the room almost at maximum capacity with only a few seats remaining in the first and second row. 

Lexa is sitting in the front row. 

She knows she’s in the minority. That most students prefer to avoid the first and second rows in a college classroom, but Lexa enjoys them because she’s an overachiever who wants to make a good first impression on her professors and it helps her pay attention. She’s read in numerous peer reviewed articles that developing positive relationships with professors is a key component of academic success in college, and since Lexa is trying to get into law school she figures the more networking and academic success she can achieve the better. 

She’s following along with the professor’s PowerPoint as the whole class goes over the syllabus.

Lexa is taking notes and asking questions at appropriate times, when suddenly the class is interrupted by the loud sound of the classroom’s heavy metal door wooshing opening and slamming shut. The professor stops speaking and the whole class turns to look at the intruder and Lexa feels immediately annoyed. It’s the chestnut haired girl from the coffee stand. She strolls into the room all cool, casual, and nonplussed. Her too cool for school attitude combined with her bomber jacket, aviator sunglasses perched on the end of her nose, and obnoxious gum chewing really irritate Lexa. 

Class has already been in session for nearly twenty minutes, which means that the girl has already missed a third of the class. On top of that, she doesn’t seem to have any of the required class materials with her, which really irks Lexa. It’s one thing to be late for a class, but to be late and unprepared is like the ultimate academic sin and a clear mark of an entitled student who doesn’t care. Lexa got into Stanford by working her ass off to get good grades and scholarships. She didn’t have any alumni family members helping her get in. Clearly this girl must be one of those spoiled rich kids who’s parents are paying for college, or someone with special connections who doesn’t take her academic career seriously. 

It’s one of Lexa’s biggest pet peeves. 

The girl saunters into the classroom, scanning the room, although Lexa can’t really tell at first due to the tint of her sunglasses. She lowers her sunglasses and her eyes lock with Lexa’s and Lexa squirms uncomfortably in her seat as the girl wiggles her eyebrows before giving her a cocky smirk. Lexa quickly looks away, feeling her cheeks flush as she intently studies her syllabus. 

“It’s nice of you to finally join us Miss?” 

“The name’s Reyes. Raven Reyes.” She says, like she’s fucking James Bond, and again, Lexa has to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the girl’s antics.

“Well, Miss Reyes, it seems like you are quite late considering class started twenty minutes ago.”

“Yeah, sorry about that doc, I kind of got caught up in something important that I needed to finish.” She says smugly, clearing her throat, before turning to look Lexa in the eyes and wink. Lexa finds herself blushing again and looking away, feeling irritated by how easily Raven seems to be able to fluster her. 

“Well Miss Reyes, if you would be so kind as to find a seat so I can continue going over the syllabus.”

Raven doesn’t respond at first, just keeps her eyes locked with the professor while chomping loudly on her gum, and Lexa nearly jumps when she pops a loud bubble that seems to echo throughout the whole classroom. She hears a few snickers in the back of the class. No doubt some slackers who are impressed the gall Raven has to be so inappropriate—clearly lacking any type of respect in the face of authority, as well as social etiquette and decorum. 

“No problem doc.” Raven drawls out, and honestly Lexa can’t believe her nerve!

The professor is clearly annoyed too, though Lexa thinks she is doing a pretty good job of keeping her cool considering the circumstances. She turns back to the board, continuing where she left off, as Raven saunters her way across the room at a leisurely pace and unceremoniously plops herself down in the seat beside Lexa. Raven immediately pulls out her phone and starts typing away, and Lexa takes a deep breath and tries to exhale her irritation so she can focus on the class.

Despite her best efforts, Lexa can’t help the way her eyes keep trailing back over to Raven. Raven is distracting—chewing her gum loudly and letting out little noises as she scans and types out messages on her phone. And really, if the girl was better behaved, Lexa might actually think she was kind of pretty.

Raven lifts her head up from her phone and catches Lexa staring. Lexa is again mortified at being caught and she quickly turns away to focus her attention back up front. She can feel Raven continuing to stare at her and tries not to blush.

“Hey there, nice to see you again.” She hears Raven’s smug voice, and tries her best to ignore it, writing something down on her syllabus. “Oh, so you’re just gonna ignore me then? Okay. Whatever. Your loss.” She says and goes back to typing on her phone.

Once the PowerPoint is done and the professor has answered everyone’s questions, they move on to a class activity. Lexa hates class activities. Especially on the first day and especially when they’re the icebreaker type. She’s not here to make friends, she’s here to get a degree. But alas, the professor forces the class to participate in a get to know you type of interview with one of their peers, putting a list of questions on the board for them to ask one another. 

Lexa turns to her left but the person beside her is already paired off with someone else, as is the person sitting behind her. Everyone else around her seems to have paired off with someone, and much to Lexa’s dismay that leaves Raven as her only option. If Lexa wasn’t such a rule follower and over achiever she would seriously consider skipping the activity altogether, but unfortunately for her she is. 

So Lexa takes a deep breath, trying to calm her irritation and low-key hatred for the girl before turning to look at her. Raven is still looking at her phone, her sunglasses now tucked in the the front of her shirt and she’s laughing at something, completely unaware of the task at hand. Lexa clears her throat, trying to get her attention, but Raven is too wrapped up in her phone to notice. She rolls her eyes, feeling her irritation building again, taking a deep breath before making a second attempt. 

“Excuse me, would you like to partner up?” Lexa asks, congratulating herself for managing to sound so nonchalant. It seems to get Raven’s attention though because she puts her phone down on the desk before turning to look at her. 

“Oh, so now you want to talk to me?” She snarks, giving Lexa yet another cocky grin. Lexa just narrows her eyes.

“Want is a strong word. More like, I have no other choice. Everyone else is already partnered up.” She grits out and Raven just rolls her eyes.

“Oh please, I am an awesome partner and you are lucky to have me.” She retorts and Lexa just sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Can we please just get this over with?” 

“Oh trust me, once you get to know me, you’ll never get over me.” Raven smirks.

Lexa swallows down her biting remarks feeling the tension building in her body. By some miracle Raven seems to realize that she’s pushed Lexa too far and eases up. And Lexa is grateful for small miracles.

The interview ends up being frustratingly annoying. Lexa has to hold back her wrath, and finds herself flustered more than a few times as Raven seems to be intent on making her blush. They find out each other’s majors during the interview, as well as where they’re originally from. Lexa thinks they couldn’t be more different. Raven is from LA and Lexa is from New York. Raven is studying engineering and Lexa is double majoring in political science and psychology. Raven is an underachiever but a self proclaimed genius and academics come easy to her, something Lexa still has doubts about. Lexa on the other hand is smart and an over achiever, but has to work really hard to achieve success. 

One thing they do seem to have in common is that they both love NASA and outer space. 

Supposedly Raven is studying engineering because she wants to get into Caltech’s graduate engineering program so she can work for NASA one day. Which again, Lexa is somewhat skeptical of. Especially with Raven’s seeming lack of discipline, preparedness, and punctuality. She doesn’t even bother to question it, not wanting to deal with the annoying conversations she knows it will no doubt lead to. 

Lexa talks about how she’s planning on going to law school because she wants to help people. Citing her desire to help kids, sharing a story about a friend in high school who had an abusive father and how the legal system failed them. It’s part of what motivated Lexa to go to school to become a lawyer. Raven gets uncharacteristically quiet, a far off look in her eyes. Lexa frowns, unsure of what to do. 

“Raven?” She asks quietly, not wanting to startle her. 

“What? Oh, right sorry. That’s cool you want to do that. You know, help people. Not a lot of people out there like that.” 

And something about Raven’s words combined with the look in her eyes gives Lexa a pang in her chest, makes her wonder if she was wrong in her original assessment. Of course the moment of concern is quickly over when Raven makes an inappropriate sexual comment about lawyers to her, and Lexa rolls her eyes.

Eventually the interview ends and the professor tells them that the person they interviewed is the person they will be paired up with for the semester-long research project they’ll be conducting. Lexa is practically seeing red, trying not to hyperventilate. Raven looks far too pleased and Lexa literally has to clench her fists at her side so she doesn’t accidentally punch the cocky grin right off her face. 

“Looks like you’re stuck with me after all.” Raven says smugly wiggling her eyebrows, and Lexa just sighs. 

How did she get so unlucky?

Raven asks for her phone number, and Lexa knows she’s being irrational but she refuses to give it to her, not trusting that Raven won’t send her annoying messages or inappropriate texts. So she compromises and gives Raven her email addresses instead. Raven gives Lexa her phone number despite Lexa’s unwillingness to do the same. “You know, just incase you change your mind or something.” Which Lexa most definitely will not, but she pockets the number anyway, knowing that if they’re working together all semester, it might come in handy at some point. 

As soon as she leaves the classroom, Lexa rushes over to the student activities board, searching for a yoga class she knows she’ll need to sign up for if she has any hope of surviving the semester with her sanity intact. 

At the end of the day, Lexa is cleaning out her pockets before changing into her pajamas and finds Raven’s number. She begrudgingly puts the number in her phone before she loses it. Lexa texts Raven to give her, her phone number, convincing herself that she’s overreacting, and that she needs to be professional considering Raven is going to be her partner for the semester, and that contacting each other by cell will be the most efficient method of communication. 

Raven texts her a flirty comment back that she doesn’t respond to, and Lexa is already regretting her decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the start of this story! Let me know what you think and if you’re interested in me posting more of it or if you think I should just leave it as a one shot.
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven and send me messages or asks on anon about the story or about Lexaven in general :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Lexa see each other at a frat party. Flirting, sexual tension, and chaos ensue. Confused Lexa and cocky, protective Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING for Homophobia, sexual harassment, and mild sexual assault. There’s nothing too graphic or overly descriptive but some of the things that are said are blatantly homophobic and crude. If you want to skip that part stop reading when the dancing scene is over and skip to the next chapter.

They decide on a topic for their group project.

Since they’re both so obsessed with NASA and outer space, Lexa and Raven decide to do their research project on star visibility and light pollution. Their plan is to drive to different locations outside of the city, gathering data by using a sky quality meter to measure sky glow. The purpose being to find the effect of light pollution on star visibility. It’s fairly simple, and is likely to have obvious results, but the purpose of their project is to create a valid research study, not make a new discovery, so they both agree to it.

They start up a texting relationship which mostly consists of Raven texting Lexa cheesy pick up lines and asking her to save her a seat in class, for which she is repeatedly late. Lexa begrudgingly agrees to do so, since they’re often required to work together in class. Raven tries to make up for it by bringing Lexa coffee and compliments, and for the most part it works. But Lexa makes it quite clear that she’s not interested in Raven’s advances, ignoring her inappropriate texts and comments, but it only seems to make Raven want her more. 

It’s almost like Raven becomes low-key obsessed with her. She’s always trying to flirt with Lexa and tell her how hot she is. Lexa would be lying if she said she didn’t find it to be somewhat of an ego boost, though she would never admit that to Raven out loud. She’s never had someone be so blatant and bold with their interest in her, and most of the time when Raven lavishes her with attention, Lexa is shy and gets easily flustered and embarrassed. 

Raven seems to love it. 

Although Raven is persistent in her pursuit, she’s pretty much harmless. Always knowing when to back off or when she’s pushed Lexa too far. After awhile Lexa starts to get used to their interactions, throwing back some of her own blunt and sarcastic remarks. She’ll never admit it, but despite how distant and annoyed she acts, she secretly starts to like the way Raven flirts with her and looks at her. 

Raven must sense the change, because she becomes more serious and persistent. Talking about how she plans on “wooing” Lexa, and Lexa just rolls her eyes and pretends not to care, but secretly can’t wait. 

**** 

They see each other around campus a few times at the cafeteria, library, and coffee shops. Lexa tries to keep her distance. Sometimes even going so far as to pretend she doesn’t even notice Raven is there. For the most part, Raven respects that distance outside of class and leaves Lexa alone. 

That all changes one night when Lexa finally allows one of her dorm mates to convince her to go to a frat party. From the moment she walks in, Lexa knows it’s a mistake. The girl from her dorm immediately disappears, leaving Lexa alone to fend for herself. 

Lexa makes her way over to what looks like a makeshift bar, opening a new package of red solo cups and mixing herself a drink. Making sure to only use a fresh can of soda and a sealed bottle of liquor. She’s seen enough d-list horror movies to know better than to trust the mixture of jungle juice no doubt whipped up earlier that night. Who knows what’s been slipped in there by now. She’s leaning against the counter by the bar, minding her own business when she feels someone tap her on the shoulder. 

She turns around, getting ready to tell off whoever it is and— 

It’s Raven. And she looks...good, if Lexa’s being honest. She’s wearing a pair of converse with black, ripped jeans, and a white v-neck tee under a button up denim shirt that she’s left open. Her hair is still wild and tousled, thrown mostly over one shoulder. She gives Lexa a once a over, before meeting her eyes with a sly grin, and Lexa tries not to blush under the intensity of her gaze. 

“Not that you don’t normally, but you look really hot tonight.” Raven says before offering to make Lexa a drink.

Lexa refuses, holding up the one she already has. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Pity,” Raven says. “Well, next one’s on me.” She moves around Lexa to mix her own drink. Careful to inspect the cups and drinks, much like Lexa did, and Lexa slides Raven the bottle of Jameson she used earlier, knowing it’s safe. 

“Whisky?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a questioning look, and Lexa just shrugs as Raven pours some into her cup. Once her drink is mixed, she sidles up next to Lexa, leaning against the counter so they’re standing face-to-face.

“I’m surprised to see you here. You don’t really strike me as the party going type. At least not the frat house variety.”

“I’m not, usually. One of my dorm mates dragged me here and mysteriously disappeared. I think she only used me to get in because I’m twenty-one. I should have stayed home.” 

“Oh, come on now, Lexa. Don’t be such a buzz kill. The night is still young. Who knows what kind of fun you could have.” She says, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a cocky grin. And really, it’s not fair how uncreepy Raven looks when she does that. It’s actually borderline charming.

“Well, I’m sure it’s not the kind of fun you’re thinking.” Lexa says, taking a large swig of her drink, and oh god, she really just said that out loud.

“Really?” Raven says, giving her a knowing look. “And what kind of fun is that?” The words are suggestive and Lexa hates the way her heart starts to race when Raven’s eyes flicker down to her lips.

“I don’t know. Something obscene and wildly inappropriate.” Lexa sputters out, before finishing off her drink.

Raven just smirks. “Need a refill?” She asks, nodding her head toward Lexa’s now empty cup. 

Lexa shakes her head, moving to mix herself another drink, before shifting back to meet Raven’s gaze.

“Are you just trying to get me drunk so you can get into my pants?” Lexa asks. She knows it’s blunt, but she’s tired of Raven playing games with her and she’d rather just be direct.

Raven snorts, coughing from inhaling some of her drink. “What? Of course not!” She scoffs, when she finally catches her breath. “I may be cocky and shameless when it comes to flirting and going after someone I like, but I’m not a total creep.” 

“Could have fooled me.” Lexa shoots back and Raven scoffs again. “Also, I’m perfectly capable of making my own damn drink, thank you very much.” Lexa adds, taking a sip of her drink for effect.

“I’m sure you’re capable of a lot of things.” Raven replies, her voice low and her eyes never leaving Lexa’s. 

Lexa can’t help but blush at the heat behind Raven’s words and the barely contained desire she sees swirling in her warm brown eyes. And yeah, Lexa is definitely not drunk enough for this conversation.

“So,” Lexa says, clearing her throat a little awkwardly after taking a few more sips of her drink. “Whatever happened with that barista?” 

Raven looks confused at first before a look of recognition crosses her face. “What? You mean Melissa? From the coffee stand?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Lexa just shrugs, trying to look disinterested. Hating how much she’s dying to know the answer. Not really sure why. 

“Oh, that was nothing. Just having a little fun. She’s not really my type if you know what I mean.” Raven says giving Lexa a brazen look.

Lexa doesn’t know why but suddenly her cheeks flush, her palms are sweaty and her heart skips a beat. She gulps down the rest of her drink, and really Lexa needs to pull herself together, because there’s absolutely no way she should be feeling this way about someone like Raven Reyes. 

“Really?” Lexa swallows nervously. “And what is your type?” Her words come out strained and almost husky and Lexa wants to take them back and smack herself in the face for being so easily affected.

Raven takes a step closer into Lexa’s personal space and she’s so close that Lexa can smell the whisky on her breath and feel it’s warmth as it brushes over her lips. “I think you know by now.” 

Lexa gulps and tries to ignore the way her pulse starts racing and the tingling feeling between her thighs, and god, the two drinks she had must have been stronger than she realized because it’s the only logical explanation for what she does next. 

“Do I?” She asks coyly before licking her dry lips. Regretting it as Raven’s eyes dart down to her mouth before flitting back up to meet her gaze, a dark and hungry look in her eyes.

“Yeah, you do.” Raven breathes out, a challenging edge to her voice.

They’re somehow standing even closer now and Lexa honestly thinks Raven is about to kiss her, when she’s jolted from the moment by a large, muscular arm wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her away. 

Her whole body tenses as she tries to pull away and realizes with mild relief that it’s Brett. One of the star quarterbacks from their football team. He’s in her philosophy class, and they’re on polite speaking terms. She’s not close enough with Brett for him to be casually touching her like this, but at least he’s not a complete stranger. 

Lexa tries to be polite and move away, but Brett just tightens his hold.

“Hey babe, don’t I know you from somewhere?” He slurs loudly in her ear. He’s clearly drunk and Lexa tries to pull away but Brett’s hold is too strong.

“Yeah, Lexa Woods. From your philosophy class?” She’s finally able to escape and holds out her hand as a more formal greeting. Brett looks at her hand momentarily confused.

“Oh right, yeah.” He says, reaching out to shake her hand. “You’re the hottie from the front row who asks all those questions.” He grins, tightening his grip on her hand. 

Brett continues to hold her hand longer than is appropriate before pulling her closer into him. Lexa is caught off guard and winces as she stumbles forward, thrown off balance by the sudden shift. The whole thing makes Lexa feel uncomfortable.

“Okay well it was nice to officially meet you Brett, but I have to get back to my friend.”

“What? Who? I didn’t see you come in with anyone. It seemed like you were here alone.” 

This only makes Lexa feel more uncomfortable to know that Brett has apparently been watching her.

“Um, well, I was just...” Lexa trails off, trying but failing to come up with a good excuse to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. She feels a slim hand loop through her free arm and breathes out a sigh of relief. 

_Raven._

“She’s here with me. I invited her.” Raven says firmly. Lexa glances over at her giving her a grateful look and Raven gives her a small nod in return.

“Raven? Lexa’s here with you?” Brett asks skeptically. And something about the look in his eyes, and the way that his grip on Lexa’s hand tightens, only increases her discomfort.

“Yeah, Brett. Do you have a problem with that?” Raven retorts, swinging her arm around Lexa’s shoulders and leveling him with a harsh glare. Brett scowls and opens his mouth to respond, but before he can do so Raven cuts him off. “Oh, and while I’ve got your attention, why don’t you get your hands off of her. You’re clearly making Lexa uncomfortable, incase her multiple attempts to pull away from you haven’t made it obvious.” 

Brett gives Lexa’s hand one last hard squeeze before abruptly letting go. It throws her off balance again, but thankfully Raven is right there to steady her with an arm around her waist. Brett just glares at them with a look of disgust.

“Whatever, I have better things to do with my time anyway.” He spits out at Raven angrily, before shifting his gaze to Lexa. “Nice to see you Lexa,” he says giving her a sickeningly sweet grin. “Maybe we can hang out together sometime. I’ll see you in class.”

Lexa doesn’t really know how to respond, just gives him a stiff nod. “Bye, Brett. See you.”

“Oh, you definitely will.” He replies, a slightly predatory look in his eyes and Lexa feels Raven’s body tense beside her.

“Beat it pal!” Raven practically growls out, tightening her arm around Lexa possessively, and Lexa feels a spike of anger in her chest. 

Brett just grumbles before turning and walking away, and Lexa spins around angrily to face her.

“Was that really necessary?” Lexa seethes, and Raven looks confused.

“Are you serious right now? Shouldn’t you be thanking me for helping you get out of that situation?” She gives Lexa an incredulous look, completely thrown off by the sudden turn of events. 

Lexa lets out an angry huff. “You didn’t have to step in like that. I was handling it just fine.”

“Oh yeah,” Raven scoffs, “It really looked like you had things handled there, what with the way Brett was grabbing you and disrespecting your boundaries. I was just trying to help you out, no need to be rude. Next time I see you in a situation like that I’ll just let you fend for yourself!” 

She gives Lexa an angry look before turning to leave and Lexa panics, realizing how much of a jerk she’s been.

“Wait, Raven. I’m sorry!” Lexa says pleadingly, and Raven stops and turns back to her. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you like that. I know you were just trying to help. I’m just not used to people standing up for me. Normally I take care of myself.” 

Raven’s expression softens and she nods, seeming to accept Lexa’s answer. “Hey, I get it. It’s fine. Tough, bad ass chick who can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone’s help. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.” Raven tries to joke and lighten the mood.

“It’s not just that, it’s...” Lexa pauses, taking a deep breath, and Raven gives her a questioning look. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at Brett. And myself for coming across as the type of person guys like him feel comfortable being that way with.”

Raven’s eyes go wide in shock. 

“Lexa,” she says earnestly, moving a hand to grip her arm. “What Brett did was on him. He’s the one at fault here not you.”

Lexa sighs. “I know, you’re right. It’s just, there must be some type of vibe I’m giving off that gives someone like him the idea that he could just do something like that to me and have it be okay.”

“That sounds a lot like victim blaming, Miss hot shot lawyer.” She says, giving Lexa a pointed look. “Total bullshit if you ask me.”

“That’s not what I mean!” Lexa huffs, having difficulty explaining herself. “I know it’s not my fault. But what is it about me that made Brett feel like it was okay to do that? I mean it’s not like he came up to you and did that, but for some reason he felt like it was okay to do it to me. Why?”

“Besides the fact that Brett’s a drunk douche and you’re insanely hot?” Raven says that last part while giving Lexa a once over, and it makes Lexa blush.

“Raven, I’m serious!” She says, swatting at Raven’s arm.

“So am I. I would never joke about your hotness, Lexa.” Raven says with the most serious look on her face, and Lexa rolls her eyes, grateful they’re back to this easy banter between them.

“Look, Lex,” Raven says, and Lexa tries to ignore the way her heart flutters at the nick name. “In all seriousness, I don’t know what makes assholes like Brett think they have the right to touch women’s bodies without permission. Especially when they’re clearly uncomfortable and trying to pull away. But if you’re wondering why Brett went for you and not me, it could have to do with the fact that he knows I’m gay. He’s tried things on me in the past, and found out the hard way that he’s definitely not my type.”

Lexa wants to ask more, but the look in Raven’s eyes tells her she won’t be getting any more information on that matter. 

“Now,” Raven smiles, sidling back up to Lexa’s side, “Why don’t you let me make you that drink?” 

“Not a chance.” Lexa smiles, bantering back, and Raven just lets out an exasperated sigh. 

****

After they’ve both had more to drink, Lexa pokes fun at Raven for getting so protective. 

“You know, I never really took you as the jealous type, Raven.” Which is a lie, because Raven is the epitome of a protective jealous person. 

“Oh, please! Don’t flatter yourself, Lexa. I’d do the same for any of my friends.” Raven retorts.

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Lexa teases back.

“Well, considering you’re refusing to be wooed, I guess that’s what I’ll have to settle for,” Raven sighs before lifting up her drink and looking Lexa in the eyes. “Friends?” She asks, somewhat hopefully. 

The look in Raven’s eyes is genuine, and honestly after Raven stood up for her tonight Lexa can’t reject her. “Friends,” Lexa agrees, lifting up her cup and clinking it, before they both take a drink. “Don’t make me regret it.” She says, before thinking better of it.

“Oh, I definitely will.” Raven smirks. 

Lexa just rolls her eyes and laughs. 

“You know, this is actually kind of fun.” Raven smiles, taking another sip of her drink. 

“Yeah, it is.” Lexa replies, giving Raven a small smile back. 

Lexa has to admit she’s having a good time, and she really likes this funny, more nerdy side of Raven. Prefers it to her normally cocky self. So maybe that’s why Lexa agrees to it when Raven asks her to dance. 

Raven is silly and chivalrous about it. Holding out her hand and giving a slight bow as she says, “May I have this dance, my lady?”

Lexa rolls her eyes and makes a comment about them not being at a gala but at a frat party, but she still takes Raven’s hand and lets her lead them through the crowd of people to the dance floor. 

The dancing is pretty innocent at first. 

They dance face to face, barely even touching. As the music plays on, they become more comfortable with each other, and start to get more touchy. It’s still pretty innocent, nothing beyond holding hands or brushing each other’s arms or holding onto each other’s shoulders, all while keeping a respectable distance between them. It’s all very middle school dance friendly. Eventually a slower song comes on and Lexa is about to leave the dance floor, but Raven insists they stay and dance. 

They’re slow dancing. 

They’re actually slow dancing. Raven pulls Lexa close, looping her arms around Lexa’s neck and closing the space between them until their hips and chests are practically flush. Raven’s body is warm and solid pressed against her own, and Lexa settles her hands around Raven’s waist, trying not to think too much about the fact that she can feel Raven’s toned muscles rippling beneath her fingertips as she moves. 

Lexa’s mouth goes dry when Raven starts to grind against her.

She’s powerless to do anything other than give into the dance. It’s a slow, steady grind of thighs and hips, and they both lose themselves in the sway of the steady beat. Lexa can feel Raven’s hot humid breath against her neck, and the hypnotic way her hips move back and forth, swaying and stuttering when the beat shifts. The whole thing makes Lexa feel so incredibly hot and bothered, and she hopes Raven doesn’t notice the thin sheen of sweat covering her skin, or the way her breath hitches and her hips arch when Raven presses against her just right. And god, it’s been way too long since Lexa last had sex. It’s the only explanation for why her body is responding like this. 

When the music switches back to something more upbeat, they go back to normal dancing with minimal touching and Lexa actually misses having Raven so pressed so close to her. Despite Raven’s shameless flirting all night, she seems completely unaware of the effect she’s having on Lexa, and she’s back to being her normal, goofy self. Lexa tries to ignore the disappointment she feels, chalking it up to the effects of alcohol and the serious lack of sex she’s had over the past few years. 

They’re still dancing and having fun when all of a sudden someone comes up behind Lexa, grabs her by the hips, and pulls her back so they can grind up against her, gripping her painfully tight. Lexa is so shocked and caught off guard that her whole body freezes, and she starts to panic when she sees Raven’s face shift to anger. 

“Hey! Get your fucking hands off her!” Raven snarls, moving to Lexa and pulling her free. 

Lexa’s heart is racing. 

When she turns around, she sees that once again it’s Brett who’s grabbing her without permission and she shudders, feeling violated and disgusted. The only thing keeping her steady are Raven’s strong arms and shoulders as she shifts Lexa behind her, placing herself between Lexa and Brett. Lexa just leans against her for support, gripping the back of her shirt. 

“Hey relax sweetheart, I’m just trying to have some fun with that sweet piece of ass. No need to get so worked up. What’s it to you?” Brett says mockingly.

Lexa can feel the anger and barely controlled rage as Raven’s body tenses and starts to shake. 

“Don’t talk about her like that, you fucking asshole! And incase you didn’t get the message earlier, she’s not interested in your sorry ass! She has better things to do than deal with you trying to stick your micro dick where it doesn’t belong. So walk the fuck away!” 

This seems to anger Brett and Lexa is honestly afraid a fight is going to break out when he clenches his jaw and fists, and steps forward into their space. Lexa never really realized until now how large and imposing Brett is. He towers over them menacingly and he’s close enough that Lexa can smell the nauseating scent of his expensive cologne mixed with the alcohol and tobacco on his breath. She’s terrified, but Raven doesn’t seem the least bit scared. In fact, she seems even more confident than before, puffing out her chest and squaring up to him. 

“No one asked you, you fucking dyke!” He spits out so loudly that others around them start to stare. 

Lexa finally snaps out of her shock at that and feels rage building in her chest. It’s one thing to be dealing with a handsy, entitled frat boy, but someone who is all of those things, plus an ignorant bigot is a different story altogether. If Lexa wasn’t so intimidated by his pure size, she’d want to punch him in the face. She has no idea how Raven remains so cool and collected when Brett is throwing insults at her. 

“You need to walk away. Now.” Raven says in a calm but threatening voice. 

But Brett doesn’t listen. He continues to spit out rude and demeaning comments to Raven. The anger and ignorance coming through his words and causing tension to build in the room. Lexa feels herself start to panic when Brett gets even closer into their space.

“Raven, come on. Let’s just go. He’s not worth it. You don’t need to prove anything.” Lexa pleads, trying to cut through the noise and tension in the room. 

When that doesn’t work, she tries to pull Raven’s shirt and urge her to leave, but it’s like Raven doesn’t even hear her or notice her, and maybe she doesn’t. Lexa’s voice is shaky and the base heavy music is still blaring through the speakers and filling the room, making everything so much more chaotic and intense. 

Eventually some of Brett’s friends take notice and try to get him to walk away, but Brett is drunk and almost a foot taller than them and won’t listen to reason. 

“No, this disgusting bitch over here thinks she can tell me what to do!” 

Raven remains calm under the onslaught of bigotry and disrespect, but when Brett turns his attention back to Lexa, it’s like something inside of Raven snaps.

“You think a carpet muncher like you can satisfy a sweet pussy like hers. No fucking way. Just you wait until I get my hands on her and she’ll know what it feels like to be fucked for real when I put my big cock inside of her. I bet she’s so hot and tight for me that I’ll split her in half. Isn’t that right, Lexa? You want to be fucked by me, don’t you baby?” He leers before making a disgusting motion with his tongue and grabbing his crotch.

And it’s like something inside of Raven snaps. Lexa swears she literally hears her growl as she steps into Brett’s space until they’re standing chest to chest. “I told you not to talk to her like that you disgusting piece of shit! Last chance to walk away.” She threatens, and that last part worries Lexa. 

“Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do about it if I don’t you stupid bitch? Hmm? Hit me?” He taunts, snickering in her face.

“Yup.” Raven says with a jerky nod before shoving his chest and catching him in the face with a solid right hook that has his head snapping to the side as he stumbles back in shock. 

When Brett pulls back his hand from his mouth and sees blood, the shock and surprise that cover his face quickly shift to anger and rage. He lunges forward into their space and oh god, Lexa is about to watch Raven get beat up by a guy twice her size!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, let me know what you guys think since I’m still trying to figure out if there’s enough interest in this story for me to continue posting it. 
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven and send me messages or asks on anon about the story or about Lexaven in general :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party aftermath. Lexaven banter and relationship development. Mysterious and protective Raven, caring and concerned Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for leaving such positive feedback! I can’t tell you how much your comments and kudos mean to me since I’ve never written a multichapter fic before and am quite nervous about posting it. Due to the interest this story seems to have generated, I will continue posting the rest of it. As of now I have around 16 chapters written, but the story is still a work in progress so there may end up being more.

By some miracle, Brett’s friends manage to catch him in time and pull him back, but not before an elbow catches Raven in the eye and her head snaps back as she cries out in pain. Lexa feels herself start to panic at the action, and she quickly grabs Raven’s hand, and pulls hard until she’s turned around facing her so she can assess the damage. She takes in her swollen and bleeding eye, her furrowed brow and clenched jaw and the anger swirling in her darkening eyes, and for a moment it’s like Raven isn’t even there. It’s like she’s somewhere else completely, consumed by her anger and rage. 

Lexa doesn’t know how to snap her out of it so she places a hand on Raven’s cheek, trying to get her to meet her gaze. “Raven?” She breathes out shakily and thankfully it seems to work.

“Lexa?” Raven says, panic in her voice and a lost look in her eyes. Lexa’s heart clenches in her chest. She wants to know how Raven got like this; the reason behind all of her protectiveness and rage. The reason behind that lost look in her eyes, but now is not the time or place.

“Raven please. You’re hurt. We have to go!” She pleads, and Raven’s eyes seem to soften even more at Lexa’s request and she nods. 

“Okay, let’s get out of here.” She says, and Lexa takes that as her cue, pulling Raven by the hand and weaving them through the crowd. Raven just holds on tight. 

“You’ll pay for this you fucking dyke! You hear me? You messed with the wrong person!” 

Lexa can hear Brett screaming out threats behind them, but she doesn’t even turn around, she just keeps pulling Raven forward as they make their way through the crowd. She feels like it takes them forever, but they eventually make it through the large group of people and away from the dance floor. Lexa doesn’t even stop. She grabs a towel off the makeshift bar, and just keeps pulling Raven along until they make it outside and they’re both gasping in the cool night air. 

Lexa is just trying to calm down and catch her breath and doesn’t even realize they’re still holding hands until she feels a slight tug and she comes face to face with concerned brown eyes. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Raven asks, her brow furrowed in concern, her eyes serious and imploring. There’s a slight tremble in her voice, and Lexa just stares at her in disbelief. Watches as the gash above her right eye continues to bleed, handing her the towel so she can put pressure on the wound. 

“Am I okay?” Lexa repeats and Raven nods, pressing the towel to her head and gently rubbing the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb. The motion is both soothing and unsettling and Lexa can’t even begin to think about what that means. 

“Are you serious right now? You’re hurt and bleeding, and almost got beat up by a football player more than twice your size and you’re asking me if I’m okay?” The words come out more harsh and accusing than Lexa means them to, but she can’t help it. She’s completely thrown off by tonight’s events and Raven’s line of questioning seems even more absurd.

“Yeah, Lexa. I want to know if you’re okay.” Raven says, her jaw clenched, her eyes compassionate and soft. And all Lexa can do is stare as Raven takes a step closer and reaches up a hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, before shifting to cup her cheek.

“What Brett did to you was so fucking wrong! He had no right to touch you like that or treat you like that. God he seriously is a fucking sick piece of shit! He was vulgar and demeaning and completely out of line, and it’s not okay. You have every right to be upset. No woman should ever be grabbed like that without her consent.”

Lexa feels her chest tighten with emotion. She doesn’t know how to respond, so she reaches up to pull Raven’s hand from her cheek, giving it a gentle squeeze before twining it with her own. 

“Do you think we should call the police?” Lexa asks.

Raven balks at the idea, her whole body stiffening as she pulls back. “No, Lexa. That will only make things worse.”

“What? How?” Lexa asks surprised, completely confused by Raven’s response.

“In case you didn’t notice, I was the one who punched Brett. You really think the cops aren’t going to side with the rich, white football player?” 

“Raven, please.” Lexa says, feeling panic start to build in her chest. “You’re hurt and bleeding and Brett threatened you as we were leaving. How can you be sure he doesn’t mean it? I understand your concerns but I really don’t think the police will be able to charge you with anything considering the fact that there are dozens of witness who saw Brett harassing us and getting in our space. Not to mention the very specific threats he was yelling at you. God, what if he really means them Raven? What if he tries to hurt you? Or worse! Shouldn’t we call the police just to be safe?” Lexa can’t help the way the words come tumbling out. She’s shaken from the night’s events and unable to contain the feelings of fear and desperation that have been building in her chest. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

“Lexa, hey. It’s okay.” Raven tries to soothe, stepping into Lexa’s space and tracing the back of her hand with her thumb. “Hey, will you look at me?” Raven asks softly, and when Lexa opens her eyes her heart flutters at the genuine look of concern and care Raven is giving her. “I know that tonight felt scary and intense but everyone here is so drunk that by tomorrow the whole thing will be forgotten. There’s no need to make a bigger deal out of this than it is. Brett acted like a douche, I punched him, and before he could beat me up his friends stopped him and I was accidentally injured in the process. It could have turned out a lot worse.” 

The words do nothing to soothe Lexa’s fears, but it’s hard to argue with Raven when she’s bleeding and looking at her with so much softness and concern. 

“What about the hospital? Shouldn’t we at least get you checked out? You might have a concussion or need stitches.” 

“No!” Raven practically shouts, her whole body tensing at the suggestion, and Lexa is once again confused by Raven’s response. That lost look from earlier is back on her face, and Lexa feels her heart sink and a newfound sense of urgency to understand the reason behind it. 

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks quietly, reaching up to take the towel from Raven so she can help take over. Their fingers brush in the exchange, and it seems to break Raven out of whatever trance she was in. 

“What? Oh, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” She says, her words stilted and unconvincing. 

“You’re not fine, Raven. You’re bleeding. Head wounds can be serious. Don’t you want to get checked out and make sure you’re okay?” Lexa tries not to sound too panicky but it’s hard.

There’s a soft flicker of appreciation in Raven’s eyes, but then she blinks once, twice and it’s quickly replaced by the confident veneer she so easily puts on. “It’s nothing a few bandaids won’t fix. Trust me Lexa, I’ve been through a lot worse.”

And something about the way Raven just so casually shrugs and says that last statement makes Lexa’s stomach feel sick. She wants to know more, but Raven’s guard is up, and she knows they don’t know each other well enough for someone like Raven to open up to her like that. So she lets out a small sigh and nods before shifting directions completely.

“Thanks for standing up for me in there. It was incredibly stupid, but brave and not a lot of people would have done what you did.”

Again there’s that flicker of appreciation and warmth in Raven’s eyes, and this time it stays there. 

“It’s not a big deal.” Raven shrugs, her voice soft and her eyes filled with an emotion that Lexa can’t quite decipher. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that, Lexa. Nobody does. And I couldn’t just stand there and let Brett get away with it. What he did was wrong.” She says, clenching her jaw and squeezing Lexa’s hand.

Lexa just nods and squeezes back. Momentarily speechless by Raven’s fierce protectiveness over her. She has no idea what she’s done to deserve it, but she can’t let herself think about that right now. Not with everything that’s happened tonight. That nagging feeling of fear is back and Lexa can’t help but bring it up again.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t call the police? It’s just, with everything that happened tonight I...” Lexa trails off, tears gathering in her eyes as her emotions get the best of her.

“I’m such an idiot.” Raven sighs, taking the towel back so Lexa can wipe away her tears.

“What?” Lexa asks, confused by Raven’s response. 

“I was so focused on not wanting to call the police because of what happened to me, that I didn’t even think about calling the police because of what happened to you. If you want to call them so you can report Brett, we will.” Raven says firmly, a concerned and resolute look on her face.

“What? Raven, I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

“Well, maybe you should. Seriously Lexa, I know I made a big deal out of it, but don’t even worry about that. Do _you_ want to call the police and report Brett?”

Lexa stops to think about it. She hadn’t even considered calling the police for herself, since Raven is the one who was so blatantly hurt. But she is studying law and technically what Brett did to her tonight could be categorized as sexual harassment and assault. Was it really that bad that she needs to get the police involved? And if she does, will they even take her claims seriously since she was at a frat party drinking? 

“Lexa?” Raven asks gently, pulling her from her thoughts. 

Her brown eyes are so caring and warm and something about the way she looks at Lexa and steadily holds her gaze has Lexa suddenly becoming aware of how exhausted she is. She can tell Raven feels the same way too, her eyes starting to droop and her body starting to sway, and the last thing Lexa wants to do is make this horrible night drag on any longer than it already has.

“No. I don’t want to call the police.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to make this decision because of what I said earlier. Your physical well-being and safety are more important than that. You have every right to report him.”

“I know, Raven. But after everything that’s happened, I just want this night to be over.”

“Okay, as long as you’re sure?” Raven asks, searching Lexa’s eyes for the truth.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says softly, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m sure.” Raven says, offering up a small smile in return, and Lexa tries to ignore the fluttering in her chest.

“Well, now that that’s settled,” Lexa says, shifting directions again. “Will you at least come back to my dorm room so I can help you take care of your head wound?”

“What you’re a doctor now?” Raven smirks, giving her a teasing look, before taking Lexa’s arm and steering them back toward the dorms. Lexa allows it since Raven is partially drunk with a head injury and has been swaying unsteadily on her feet. 

“No, but I did spend three summers as a lifeguard at a pool and am first aid and CPR certified.” 

“You were a lifeguard?” Raven asks, surprise in her voice and a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Yes, Raven. I was a lifeguard. Is that really so hard for you to imagine?” 

“Oh, no. I can picture it just fine.” Raven smiles, staring off into the distance like she’s literally conjuring up images of her.

Lexa tries not to blush.

“You know, maybe we should take you to the hospital. That knock to the head seems to have caused some serious damage to your brain.”

Raven just laughs, tightening her grip on Lexa’s arm as they continue to walk. They settle into a comfortable silence and Lexa thinks that it’s actually quite nice.

“You know, as much as tonight sucked, at least one good thing came out of it.” Raven says.

“What’s that?”

“Friends, remember?”

“Oh, right. Friends.” Lexa says, not sure why the statement makes her heart skip a beat. She’s never really been someone who’s had a lot of friends in her life, and certainly not any who would put themselves in harms way for her.

“I mean, unless you’re inviting me back to your dorm under the guise of fixing me up, just so you can make out with me and have me call you Dr. Woods? Very tropey of you, but I’d still be into it.”

Lexa turns beet red.

“Oh my god! Seriously, Raven? Why are you like this?”

“It’s part of my charm.” Raven grins and Lexa just lets out an exasperated sigh and shakes her head.

“I think I’m going to ask to be transferred to a different philosophy class.” Lexa says, shifting the conversation to something more appropriate. 

“That’s probably a good idea,” Raven agrees, squeezing her arm. “The last thing you need is to be seeing that dickwad around campus.”

“Do you think we made the right decision about tonight?” Lexa asks, still feeling uncertain as the bruises around Raven’s eye continue to form.

“I don’t know.” Raven says honestly. “I think so. I mean, I didn’t get this from Brett,” she says motioning to her head. “I think it was from one of his friends who was trying to pull him away. I’m not going to report someone who saved me from getting beat up. Plus, everyone was so wasted they probably won’t even remember what happened. I really don’t think those guys will be a problem. I’ve never met any of them—besides Brett—before tonight. We don’t run in the same social circles, I doubt I’ll ever see them again.”

****

Raven is wrong, so very wrong because she does see them again. 

Unbeknownst to Lexa, Raven starts getting harassed by Brett and some of the guys from his fraternity. They leave her threatening messages in front of her dorm room, and follow her around campus, and sometimes even drive by her while she’s walking, yelling out threats. Raven doesn’t tell Lexa it’s going on. She’s dealt with these types of people before, and knows the best thing to do is just ignore them. Plus, she doesn’t want to worry her friend.

That’s another development—they’re friends now. 

Since the night of the party Lexa and Raven have become friends. The trauma of the night together along with the way Raven stood up for Lexa and Lexa took care of Raven’s injuries bonded them together in a unique way. They meet each other for meals, do homework in the library, and even start hanging out together on Friday nights. They hang out almost every day in some capacity, and despite all their apparent differences, they actually get along quite well. But there’s no need to worry Lexa by telling her what’s going on. So Raven keeps it from her.

In fact, Lexa doesn’t find out about it at all until weeks later when they come out of the Library late one evening after studying. They find Raven’s windshield has been smashed and the word “dyke” has been spray painted on the side of her car. 

“Oh my god, what the hell happened to your car?” Lexa freaks out, but Raven remains nonchalant, just letting out a long sigh and giving Lexa a shrug. 

“Who knows, probably some assholes trying to pull a stupid prank.” She sighs. “I’ll have to take it into the shop sometime tomorrow to get it fixed. Shouldn’t be too expensive.” She says, as she makes her way over to the car, pulling the sleeve of her light denim jacket over her hand as she tries to brush away some of the shattered glass. 

There’s something about her exhausted sigh and resigned and defeated tone that infuriates Lexa. There’s no way in hell Lexa is going to let this go. It’s not right. She pulls Raven by the shoulders until they’re standing face to face. 

“Raven, this is not just some stupid prank! At the very least it’s vandalism, if not a hate crime!” Lexa knows she’s practically yelling now, but she can’t help it. She can’t remember the last time she felt this angry about something. Not angry at Raven, but angry for her.

Raven just rolls her eyes. “Lexa please, I know you’re studying to become a lawyer, but there’s no need to be so dramatic. It’s just a stupid prank.” She says weakly.

“Even you don’t believe that, Raven. Look, I’m sorry for yelling, but this is serious.” Lexa says more calmly this time, rubbing her hands up and down Raven’s arms, not sure if she’s doing it to sooth Raven or herself. Raven’s expression seems to soften at this.

“Lexa, I appreciate that you care about me. I really do. But I’m not going to make this more serious than it is. A new paint job and windshield are an easy fix. I can do the work myself and it’ll barely cost a thing. It’s not worth making a big deal out of.” 

To somebody else, the words might be soothing and convincing, but Lexa is not so easily swayed.

“Raven, I know you don’t want to make a big deal out of this. But this is serious! We don’t know who the people are that did this or if they’ll do this to someone else. I’ve studied cases like this before. If not dealt with properly they can escalate into something more dangerous. We need to call the police.”

“No. Absolutely not! We are not getting the police involved in this. You and I both know the campus police are worthless anyway. Plus, after a little incident I had with them last year when a science experiment went wrong and part of the lab burned down, I’m trying to stay off their radar.” 

Lexa is temporarily distracted by Raven’s confession, and makes a mental note to ask her about it later, but the situation at hand is far too serious to let it distract her. “I’m not talking about the campus police Raven. I’m talking about the real police. Hate crimes like this are a felony. This is serious!” She knows her voice sounds desperate and pleading, but she just wants Raven to understand.

“No, Lexa. I said no police! I know you’re trying to help, but you’re honestly just going to make things worse!” Raven scowls and crosses her arms over her chest, her reaction confusing Lexa even more.

“How am I going to make things worse?” Lexa yells back, feeling frustrated by Raven’s resistance. 

“You just are!” Raven huffs, giving Lexa a challenging look.

“That’s not a real reason!” Lexa bites back, feeling her irritation build.

“Is too!”

“Is not!” 

They both get locked into a heated gaze, silently daring the other to speak. 

“God, you’re infuriating!” Raven practically shouts.

“Look who’s talking!” Lexa snaps. 

When she sees the brief look of hurt flash across Raven’s eyes, she immediately feels guilty. “God, look at us fighting with each other like idiots. We shouldn’t be mad at each other, but mad at the person who did this to you.” Lexa sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I know. You’re right.” Raven lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I know you’re just trying to help.” She concedes and they both let out a sigh of relief as the tension between them starts to diffuse.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled either. It just makes me so angry that someone would do something like this to you, and they’re just out there walking around with no consequences at all. What if they do this again or do this to someone else?”

“They won’t.” Raven says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I just am. Lexa, please.” Raven says, stepping into Lexa’s space and reaching for her hands. 

There’s a desperate look in her eyes and a plea in her tone, and Lexa hates it. Hates that anyone is making Raven feel this way. She wants to make it all go away, but she can’t, so she just squeezes Raven’s hands and rubs soothing circles on the back of them with her thumbs. 

Raven’s voice is quieter this time. “I know it doesn’t make any sense to you, but I need you to trust me on this, okay? Going to the police with this will only make things worse. I know you’ve studied cases for school, but I’ve actually dealt with people like this before in real life. Getting the police involved will only escalate this type of thing. The best thing we can do is just ignore whoever’s doing this, and once they realize they’re not getting the reaction they want, they’ll stop.” 

Something about the way Raven pleads and reasons with her, has Lexa caving in. She doesn’t know what has Raven so scared, but as a friend she knows that forcing her to call the police when she’s so adamantly against it, is not the right thing to do.

“Okay.” 

“Okay? Just like that?” Raven asks, surprised.

“Yes. I’m not saying I agree with your decision or that I’m happy about it. But I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do, Raven.”

“Thank you for understanding.” Raven says softly, looking relieved.

“I don’t.” Lexa says honestly. “I don’t understand why you won’t call the police, but I trust you Raven. I trust you to make the right decision for yourself. I’ve never dealt with people like this before, and if you have and you say this is the best way to deal with them, then that’s what we’ll do.” 

Raven looks close to tears.

“Thank you, Lexa. Seriously, thank you for trusting me on this.” 

Lexa nods. “I only have two request.” 

“Which are?” Raven draws out, giving Lexa a skeptical look.

“First, if something like this happens again, you promise to let me know. No more secrets okay?” 

“That’s a little dramatic that I was keeping secrets from you, but fine. If something else happens, I’ll let you know. What else?” 

“Second, at least let me take pictures of the damage done to your car. Just incase something even worse were to happen to you or someone else. At least then we’d have some tangible evidence to build a case if we need it. Also, make sure to document and keep the receipts for your repairs.” 

“Okay, fine miss hot shot lawyer. I’ll save my receipts and you can take pictures of my car. As long as you promise not to go to the police without me.”

“Of course I promise. I would never do that to you, Raven. I only want to have them incase you ever need them.” 

“Okay.” Raven nods, and Lexa lets go of Raven’s hands and gets to work. She makes her way around the car, snapping pictures and looking around the parking lot to make sure she hasn’t missed any important clues. When she’s satisfied she has everything she needs, she walks back over to Raven and pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” She whispers into Raven’s hair, feeling tears welling up with the emotion in her chest. “I know you act like you can take it. Like shit like this doesn’t bother you, but I know deep down it does. If you ever need to talk about it, I’m here.”

Raven doesn’t say anything, just exhales loudly and sags in Lexa’s arms, gripping the back of her shirt. She feels so small and vulnerable that Lexa just hugs her even tighter and Raven just sinks into it. After several minutes pass, Raven finally speaks. “I know you are. Thank you, Lex.” They stand there for a few more minutes before breaking apart.

“You ready to head back?” Raven asks.

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

So they drive back to their dorms, and Lexa tries to ignore the uneasy feeling she has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! As always comments, kudos and feedback are appreciated as it helps to keep my confidence up and gives me motivation to keep posting and writing. I love hearing what you’re liking/thinking, as well as your ideas about where the story should go. Since I don’t have the fic completed yet and am still brainstorming for some chapters, I’m open to hearing ideas and may incorporate some of them if they give me the right inspiration :) 
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven! Feel free to send me messages or asks and I will do my best to respond and get back to you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Lexa’s relationship continues to grow as they deal with the consequences of their decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m feeling generous this weekend so you get TWO new chapters! Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and comments and reads this story! I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be able to share this with you, especially since I’m still fairly new to writing fanfic and have never written a multichapter fic before. Despite being somewhat of a rare pair, Lexaven are my OTP and it’s great to find other people out there who love them just as much as I do! You may notice that I’ve updated the total number of chapters from 16 to 18, which may increase since the story is still a work in progress. Your kudos and comments inspire me to write and after the amazing feedback I received, I’ve already written two new chapters which I know you will all love.
> 
> Enjoy!

A week passes by and nothing else happens. 

Raven goes into the shop and fixes her car the next morning, making sure to save her receipts, and by the time she comes to pick Lexa up for dinner that night, the broken windshield is gone and the car is sporting a new coat of paint. Raven is back to her cocky self, and it’s like nothing ever happened. Lexa just hopes it stays that way.

She doesn’t get her wish.

It’s Friday night and she’s getting ready in her dorm. Raven is supposed to pick her up in five minutes and after spending too much time on tumblr earlier, reblogging pictures of cute cats and cups of tea, she’s rushing around, finishing getting dressed and doing her makeup and hair. She’s putting on the finishing touches when she stops to check the time, it’s 7:10pm. That’s odd. Raven was supposed to pick her up ten minutes ago and she’s rarely late. Usually by now she’d be blowing up Lexa’s phone, calling or texting her and giving her a hard time for running late. While Raven may be late to classes, she’s rarely late for social gatherings, always extremely punctual and even early sometimes. Lexa is the opposite. Early for classes, always running late for social events.

She checks her phone to make sure there aren’t any missed calls or texts, and when she doesn’t find any she’s a little confused. She’s only been friends with Raven for a little over a month, so she doesn’t know for sure, but it seems out of character for her. She knows it’s normal for people to run late, she’s a living breathing example of that, but the few times Raven has been late, she’s always made sure to text Lexa and let her know. 

Lexa tries not to overreact. 

Maybe Raven’s phone died and she had to run back to her dorm to get her charger and can’t call or text because it’s still charging. Maybe she got a flat tire, and is too busy dealing with it to get in touch with her. Maybe she overslept. There are plenty of logical explanations for why Raven is late and hasn’t called her and honestly, Lexa just needs to chill and not get herself so worked up and stop being so controlling. 

She thinks about going outside to wait, but the weather is getting cooler and after a long day of walking all over campus, she doesn’t want to be standing any longer than she has to in the heels she’s wearing out tonight. She goes back to her desk, shooting Raven a quick text before opening up tumblr, figuring she’ll distract herself by scrolling through more pictures of kittens and tea. She makes sure to keep her phone face up on her desk so she can easily see any incoming calls or texts.

She gets distracted for awhile, but now it’s 7:35pm and she still hasn’t heard from Raven. She checks her phone again, and still nothing. Maybe Raven really did oversleep. Lexa knows she had a late night last night trying to finish a paper that was due today, so it’s possible. She thinks about just letting Raven sleep, but she knows Raven will be mad at her for letting her miss out on a night of fun, so she decides to give her a call.

The phone goes straight to voicemail. 

“Hey! It’s Raven. Obviously I can’t answer my phone right now. I’m either busy or screening your calls. Either way leave a message and if you’re lucky I might actually listen to it. Later!” 

Lexa hangs up. She knows Raven sometimes turns her phone off when she’s sleeping and voicemails aren’t really their thing. She knows if Raven sees a missed text from her, she’ll call or text back. So she goes back to tumblr trying to kill some time. 

8pm rolls around and she gets a text from Octavia asking where they are. Lexa texts her back, letting her know what’s going on, and Octavia says she’ll text Raven’s roommate to go wake her up, thinking that she probably overslept. Lexa gets a text back from her a few minutes later telling her that Raven’s roommate says she left their dorm over an hour ago to head over to Lexa’s, and Lexa starts to panic. She texts back frantically to Octavia telling her Raven is still not there before looking out her window to survey the parking lot below. She sees Raven’s car pulled up to the curb, and it looks like it’s turned off. 

Lexa has no idea why Raven is so late, but she’s relieved to see she’s finally made it, she’s probably walking up to meet her right now. She texts Octavia back, telling her never mind. That Raven is at her dorm right now to pick her up. She inspects herself in the mirror one more time, smoothing down her hair and applying a little more lipstick before grabbing her purse and phone and heading out the door. 

She makes her way to the staircase. Internally grumbling about the outdated dorm’s lack of elevators, especially when she’s in heels. She makes her way down, expecting to meet Raven along the way, but when she gets to the bottom and there’s still no sign of her, Lexa is more confused than ever.

Where the hell is she? 

Lexa goes to check outside, thinking maybe Raven is waiting out there for her. She looks down the sidewalk but sees no sign of her, and grumbles as she makes her way back up the stairs to her room, wondering if she’s somehow missed her. When she gets back to her floor, she checks the hallway and there’s still no sign of her and Lexa really starts to worry. There are only so many places Raven could be. Where the hell is she? She texts her and after receiving no response, she calls, but the phone goes straight to voicemail again. 

Lexa starts to panic. 

Why is Raven’s car outside when she’s nowhere to be found? Why is her phone still not working? Where the hell could she be? Lexa decides to go downstairs and look around one more time before she calls Octavia and maybe the police. She gets to the bottom entryway, too worried to even think about the way her heels are pinching her feet. She steps outside again into the cool night air, and looks around. She sees nothing at first. Decides to walk to Raven’s car and see if she’s in it. Maybe Raven has been waiting in her car and there’s just been some type of problem with their phones connecting. 

But when she gets up to the car she sees that it’s empty and doesn’t see Raven in the parking lot. She immediately pulls out her phone to call Octavia, but before she gets a chance, she hears a noise coming from a dark alcove by the side of the building. At first she thinks it’s some type of animal since the campus is practically overrun by squirrels, but when she hears the sound again she realizes it’s a person’s voice and that voice sounds achingly familiar. She turns on the flashlight on her phone, and rushes over to the noise, and what she sees is horrifying. 

It’s Raven.

She’s crumpled up on the ground, covered in blood and Lexa’s not even sure if she’s still breathing. She drops to her knees in panic and reaches to grip Raven’s arm, unable to stop herself from touching her, needing to know if she’s alive. When Raven groans at the contact, Lexa lets out a cry of relief and immediately springs into action. She quickly dials 911 and gives the operator their address and a brief description of what’s going on. That she found her friend beat up and unconscious and thinks she’s been attacked. She relays as much information as she can before hanging up.

She reaches for Raven’s hand and it’s icy cold. How long has Raven been laying out here bleeding in the cold? The question makes her feel sick. She’s quick to take off her coat and drape it over Raven’s limp body, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear and using her scarf to wipe away some of the blood on her face. 

The movement seems to stir Raven awake. “Lexa?” She croaks out, and Lexa has never felt more relieved.

“Raven! Oh my god, Raven! It’s going to be okay. I called an ambulance, they’re on the way.”

“Lexa,” Raven rasps and coughs, groaning in pain as she tries to sit up. She barely makes it a few inches before Lexa is balling up her scarf, placing it under Raven’s head and ushering her back down. 

“Raven stop! You can’t move. The paramedics said it’s better if you don’t. We don’t know what damage has been done to your body, and moving could make things worse.” Raven just coughs and groans, and tightens her grip on Lexa’s hand. 

Lexa tries to be strong and stay calm, but seeing Raven like this is too much. 

“God, Raven, I was so stupid! I thought you were just running late because you had overslept or your phone had died. All this time I’ve just been sitting in my dorm room, scrolling through tumblr and you’ve been out here bleeding and hurt.” She feels tears streaming down her face, she knows she should be strong for Raven, but at this point, she can’t stop. “I don’t understand how this happened.” She says, taking a shaky breath. “How did this happen Raven? Who would do something like this to you?” She wonders out loud, barely able to speak through her tears.

Raven is wheezing now, trying to speak. 

“No, don’t try to speak. Save your strength.” She says, but Raven doesn’t listen. 

“Brett.” She manages to rasp out before going into another coughing fit. 

It takes Lexa a minute to figure out what Raven is saying, but when she does it finally clicks. Brett. The party. His threats. And suddenly everything that’s been happening to Raven over the past several weeks finally makes sense. 

Brett has been the one harassing Raven. 

He’s the one who vandalized her car and did this to her. She knew the guy was sick after their exchange at the party, but she could never have imagined him doing something like this. Surely even he wouldn’t be stupid enough to actually beat a woman and leave her for dead on campus. But then she thinks back to the party, thinks about the hate in his eyes and the way his friends had to hold him back, and how he threatened them on their way out. _“You messed with the wrong guy! ... You’ll pay for this!”_ How did she not put this together sooner? Why wouldn’t Raven have told her? Maybe if she had known she could have done something to prevent this.

She’s brought back to the present moment when Raven grips her hand tightly as she gasps and coughs and Lexa looks on in horror, as blood starts trickling out of the side of Raven’s mouth before her eyes flutter closed and she falls unconscious.

****

When the ambulance finally arrives and they load Raven onto a stretcher, Lexa refuses to leave her side. She demands to ride in the ambulance with her, and the paramedics reluctantly agree. She’s sitting on the cold metal bench inside the moving vehicle, holding Raven’s hand, as the paramedics try to work around her, careful to move when they tell her to. 

They hook Raven up to machines, and start her on an IV and Lexa has to hold back the bile in the back of her throat when they cut open Raven’s shirt and she sees all the bruises and scrapes littered across her skin. The whole thing is so sickening and surreal that she feels like they’re in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or something. But this is real life, and when Lexa woke up that morning, she had no idea it would be leading to something like this. 

Raven starts to come to, and panics. 

She’s thrashing around and groaning, screaming out in pain. She grips Lexa’s hand painfully tight, and Lexa tries to tell her to calm down, but the paramedics are talking loudly, the machines won’t stop beeping and the piercing sound of the siren drowns out her voice. Thankfully they give Raven something that seems to calm her down, not quite putting her to sleep. Lexa squeezes her hand and Raven finally looks at her, and Lexa has to swallow the emotion in her throat at the fear she sees in her eyes and the bruises she sees on her face, and she tells Raven as steadily as she can, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

When they finally pull into the hospital, they’re met by a team of doctors and nurses, and it feels like chaos. They’re all talking over each other, loudly exchanging information, and that damn siren is so loud that Lexa wonders how any of them can hear a thing. One of the nurses helps Lexa get down from the ambulance before they start lowering Raven’s stretcher down onto a metal gurney and wheeling her away.

Lexa panics.

“Hey! Where the hell are you taking her?” She tries to follow, but one of the nurses pulls her back.

“Ma’am, you can’t go with her. They’re taking her into surgery. Please, if you’ll just follow me inside we need to get some information from you so we can help your friend.” That last part calms her down, because Raven is her friend and if there’s anything she can do to help her, she will.

She follows the nurse inside, and the nurse questions her. 

They already have Raven’s ID from her wallet so they’re able to get some basic information from that. They ask Lexa if she knows a way to contact Raven’s next of kin, and Lexa feels sick to her stomach. She doesn’t know anything about Raven’s family or who to call if there’s an emergency and she vows to herself that if Raven makes it out of this alive, she’ll force her to give her the information whether she wants to or not. 

She offers to call Octavia since she’s one of Raven’s longtime friends, hoping she’ll have a better idea of who to call. When Octavia picks up, Lexa quickly explains the situation and tells her what hospital they’re at, and Octavia remains surprisingly levelheaded and calm.

“Raven doesn’t have any close family.” Octavia says. “Her father’s never been in the picture and her mother, well let’s just say she’s not someone Raven can call up when she needs help. The best person to contact is her mentor slash faux father Sinclair who basically raised her. I’ll text you his information and number now.” She says before hanging up. Lexa doesn’t even have time to process all the information she just learned about Raven’s family history and background, knowing she’ll want to revisit the topic later. 

Her phone vibrates. The contact information reads “Jack Sinclair”, followed by another text informing her if she can’t get anyone at that number then to call a different number. Quickly followed by the contact information for “Becca Sinclair”. 

The nurse gets the information they need and relays it to one of her coworkers, and continues questioning Lexa for more information. She asks her about the events of that night. If she knows how long Raven was unconscious, how long she was laying out there alone. If she knows what types of injuries she sustained. Lexa tries to answer the questions as best as she can, struggling painfully through the answers, trying not to imagine how pained, afraid and alone Raven must have felt while Lexa was sitting comfortably in her room. 

At a certain point the police show up, wanting to question her about the attack. This is something Lexa feels prepared to do, knowing the relevant facts and information they’ll need.

Lexa relays the events and times as carefully as she can.

She shows them her phone log, the calls she made, the texts that were sent and received between herself, Raven, and Octavia’s texts about Raven’s roommate so they can start working on a timeline for the night’s events. She gives them Brett’s name, explains how Raven identified him before passing out. She recounts the events of the party from three weeks ago, giving them the name and address of the fraternity, the names of some of Brett’s friends and anyone else that she can remember being there that night. She tells them about Raven’s car, gives them the date and location and shows them the pictures of the damage she had taken. She emails the photos to the police department, and the officers give her their card and number and tell her to call them if there’s anything else she remembers. Lexa agrees, and when the whole thing is over, she’s exhausted.

The nurses asks her if she’s okay and she tells them she’s fine. They give her a run down of Raven’s injuries: broken ribs, a punctured lung (hence the need for surgery and coughing up blood), bruises, cuts and abrasions and possible head trauma. They won’t know anything until she wakes up, once she’s out of surgery. 

They give Lexa some juice and crackers to help with the shock and usher her out to the waiting room, telling her they’ll keep her updated on Raven’s status. It’s all so overwhelming, and Lexa is grateful when Octavia, Anya and Clarke all come to the ER to keep her company while they wait for Raven to get out of surgery. 

When Raven is finally stable and in her own room, Clarke convinces one of the nurses she knows from her internship to allow all of them to wait in Raven’s room, and thankfully the nurse agrees. 

They wait in Raven’s room until she wakes up. 

Lexa sits by her bed holding her hand and staring at her face, willing her to wake up. Despite how battered and bruised her face is, Lexa can’t help but think about how beautiful she is. Now that Raven is laying so still and unconscious it gives her the chance to take her in—her long dark lashes and perfectly arched eyebrows, the flawless bone structure of her cheeks and nose, her full lips and the sharp curve of her jaw—all create such a stunning picture that leaves Lexa feeling a little breathless. She hates the way Raven’s beauty is marred by the bruises and ugly cuts that cover her face, and she takes a deep breath, trying to get rid of the sick feeling in her stomach. 

She focuses on the way that their hands are joined together, gently stroking the palm of Raven’s hand with her thumb. She traces over the jagged white scar that is large and runs across the middle of her palm, wondering where it came from. The scar is raised and the skin is lightly calloused, signaling to Lexa that it’s fairly old. She wonders when Raven got it and how she got it. If someone gave it to her or if it resulted from an accident. 

She knows Raven has hinted at being in fights or altercations in the past that led to what Lexa guesses were fairly serious injuries, considering how much she downplayed her injury the night of the party. But Raven never opened up to her about what those past experiences were, and honestly, Lexa is kind of afraid to ask. She knows from what little Octavia shared with her on the phone and what little Raven has shared with her in passing conversation that Raven’s childhood was rough and possibly abusive. She doesn’t know if Raven got the scar from fixing cars or fighting off fists, but she figures if Raven wanted her to know she would have told her. And honestly, Lexa doesn’t feel like it’s really her place to ask, especially if the answer is the latter.

She’s brought back to the present moment when she feels Raven’s hand twitch right before she lets out a strangle groan. Lexa looks down at their joined hands then back up to Raven’s face and when brown eyes meet green Lexa finally feels like everything really is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was intense and the nightmare with Brett seems to be a never ending drama. But I promise that next chapter we’ll get to see the Brett part of the storyline start to wrap up, and there will be some major Lexaven feels and cuteness ahead!
> 
> Until then, if you have any questions or comments about the story or just want to chat then hit me up on tumblr: lexxaven


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brett and his friends face the consequence of their actions. Raven heals, and Lexa offers to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for your nice comments and kudos! They definitely keep me motivated to write! Also, just so everyone knows I am not a lawyer or a doctor, just a writer with google. So any legal or medical mistakes are my own. If there are any smart lawyers or medical people out there who want to give me the correct info, I will make edits. Until then, this is what you get! Enjoy!
> 
> Also, keep a look out for modified Raven quotes from the show in this chapter and the upcoming chapters. I couldn’t resist!

Brett and his friends are arrested the night of Raven’s attack. 

They get expelled from Stanford due to the criminal charges that are pending against them. Brett’s friends are out on bail, all having returned to their homes with their parents as they await trial. They’re being charged with felony vandalism and harassment for the part they played in harassing and threatening Raven on campus and damaging her car. It turns out Lexa was right about the offenses being categorized as hate crimes leading to felony charges. Thankfully California has strong hate crime laws, but she’s still not very hopeful about the outcome. She knows that because the friends are white and rich that they’ll most likely get little more than a fine and a slap on the wrist. Of course she thinks it’s unfair and it bothers her, but it doesn’t worry her as much as what will happen with Brett. Yes, Brett’s friends are complete trash and committed crimes, but for the most part they were nonviolent and Lexa suspects they weren’t motivated by hate and bigotry as much as they were by peer pressure. 

Brett is different.

His crimes were violent and motivated by hatred and bigotry and Lexa worries what Brett will do if he receives a light sentence and is let back into society. For now though, Lexa at least feels somewhat safe, knowing that the judged issued a protective order for Raven and that Brett is on house arrest nearly four hundred miles away. The police determine that Brett acted alone in his attack on Raven, and is being charged with multiple felony hate crimes including battery and aggravated assault, harassment and vandalism. Although Lexa was hesitant to do so, the prosecutor convinced her to also press charges for sexual harassment and assault due to the large number of witnesses at the frat party. Since her Aunt Indra is a lawyer, Lexa consulted her on the matter and Indra agreed that she should do so, especially since Brett’s friends were witness as well and would likely testify on her behalf in order to receive lighter sentencing. 

Due to the severity of the attack and the overwhelming evidence Lexa was able to offer to the police to aid in their investigation, Brett’s bail was set at one million dollars with the requirement that Brett remain on house arrest if released until the time of his trial. The bail was easily paid off by Brett’s rich father, and Lexa is disgusted to think of Brett sitting comfortably in his mansion in Malibu as he awaits trial. It makes Lexa feel sick to think about how easily Brett is getting off. Knowing that because of his race and privilege, the restrictions imposed on him are far less severe than for someone with darker skin and less money. She knows that his trial and sentencing will most likely have similar results as his friends, though she does suspect he’ll face some jail time due to the aggravated assault. Yet once again, because of Brett’s privilege and skin color she’s sure that the sentence will be light, and Lexa vows that when she becomes a lawyer she’ll do whatever it takes to make changes to such an unjust, justice system.

****

The doctors keep Raven in the hospital longer than they would for a patient who has a home and caretaker to help them recover. Since Raven is a college student, and doesn’t have any family in the area, and transporting her the whole way back to LA is too complicated and risky for them to do, they decide the best course of action is to keep her there. Raven doesn’t like the idea one bit, claiming that she’ll be fine going back to her dorm. That she can manage on her own, with the help of her roommate. Neither the doctor nor Lexa feel comfortable with this, and Lexa is grateful when the doctor tells her she has to stay. 

Raven is bummed, but agrees, not having any other choice. Lexa wishes she could do something to help. She promises to visit Raven everyday. She’ll even stay over night if she wants her to. Raven of course refuses, saying she’ll be fine on her own, and that Lexa shouldn’t worry. Lexa tells her that’s stupid and that of course she’ll worry and visit her and there’s nothing Raven can do about it. Raven acts annoyed, like Lexa is being dramatic, but she knows Raven is secretly happy about it. 

Raven has been in the hospital for a little over a week and a half now.

Lexa is dozing off as she sits by Raven’s bed, keeping her company while some crappy reality show plays on the tv. Lexa has no clue what the show is about, but Raven seems to be enjoying it, so she’s happy to sit there catching up on some reading for class. She’s rereading a passage in a textbook for her Political Theory class. It’s incredibly dry and boring material but it’s required reading so Lexa tries to get through it.

She’s interrupted when her phone vibrates. 

It’s a text from her Aunt Indra checking in, and she’s suddenly more awake, wondering why she hadn’t thought of the idea sooner. She texts back and forth with Indra, until she has a solid plan in place before presenting the idea to Raven. 

She looks over, and her heart melts at the way Raven is sleepily smiling and looking at the tv. It’s dark outside and the room is dimly lit, but Lexa can see that the cuts and bruises on her face are already starting to heal. The oxygen tube is connected securely to her nose, and the way she’s struggling to try and feed herself hospital issued jello despite the fact that she can barely complete the motion of curling her arms due to the strain it puts on her ribs, all combine to create a warm feeling in Lexa’s chest. Lexa of course has offered to help before, but Raven always refuses. 

_“I can feed myself my own damn jello!”_

Lexa watches as Raven gets a particularly large blob on her spoon, her brow furrowed in concentration as she carefully attempts to lift the spoon to her mouth. Her body is shaking with the effort, and as she starts to curl her arm the blob tumbles off the spoon and bounces off her stomach before tumbling and plopping on the floor. 

Raven groans and Lexa can’t help but giggle. 

“What?” Raven asks, exasperated, meeting Lexa’s gaze with an irritated look.

“Need some help over there?” 

“No.” Raven says like she’s offended. “I am—”

“Yeah, yeah yeah, you are perfectly capable of feeding yourself your own damn jello. I get it!” Lexa retorts, letting out a sigh.

“Damn right.” Raven grumbles, but Lexa doesn’t miss the way the she huffs and looks at the jello longingly. 

“God, you are so stubborn.” Lexa says, rolling her eyes as she stands up and makes her way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. She picks up the jello and spoon and doesn’t even give Raven time to argue before she’s lifting the spoon to Raven’s lips. Raven of course scowls and narrows her eyes, but sighs in defeat, opening her mouth to eat.

“I could have done it myself you know.”

“Yeah, I know. You are so independent and capable and don’t need anyone’s help.” Lexa lets out an exasperated sigh. “But as your friend, it’s nice for me to be able to help you sometimes. You know, makes me feel good about myself.” She jokes, trying to lighten the mood, knowing that relying on other people for Raven isn’t something that comes easily to her.

“Well,” Raven says after taking another bite. “If it really means that much to you, what kind of friend would I be to turn you down.” Lexa tries not to grin too much at Raven’s response, lifting another spoonful of jello to her mouth. Ignoring the fluttering in her chest as Raven lets out a contented little noise after each bite.

“Speaking of,” Lexa says, pausing to scoop out more jello, “How would you like to get out of this hospital sooner rather than later?” Raven perks up at this.

“Um, what? Go on, I’m listening.” She says eagerly.

“Don’t say no until you hear me out, okay?” Raven nods and Lexa takes a breath before continuing. “My Aunt Indra has a condo apartment in Palo Alto that’s only a few miles away from campus. She uses it when she needs to stay in the area for business. It’s a wealthy area, with a lot of rich clients so it’s easier if she can just schedule to see them all in one week. She only goes to see them once every three months for a week at a time.”

“Okay,” Raven draws out questioningly. “So what does that have to do with me getting out of here?” And Lexa still can’t believe Raven hasn’t picked up on where she’s going with this. 

“Well, my Aunt Indra is in New York, and won’t be visiting any of her clients in that area for the next few months. Which means, the apartment is just sitting there empty and unused.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Raven asks, perking up at the information and looking at Lexa with wide eyes, like she’s on the edge of her seat. 

“What would you say to staying there for a few weeks while you recover? It’s only a few miles from campus, so I could stay there with you and attend all of my classes. My Aunt was more than happy to offer the place when I explained what happened, and I’m sure we can convince the doctors to let you stay there since you won’t be walking up three flights of stairs or relying on your frequently drunk college roommate to look out for you. Also, I was texting with Clarke and she said she could come check on you and somehow incorporate it as part of her practicum hours for school. So, what do you say? You up for it?”

“What do I say?” Raven pauses, giving Lexa an incredulous look. “I say this hospital can kiss my ass!” 

Lexa is surprised it was so easy.

“Wow, really? I honestly thought you were going to fight me on this and I was going to have to manipulate you into it by using the doctors.” Raven starts to laugh, but ends up groaning, her ribs still too sore. 

“You severely underestimated my hatred for hospitals and doctors.” She says, and there’s a hint of that lost look again, but Lexa knows better than to pry.

“Well for once I’m glad to have been proven wrong.” Lexa teases, before shifting her tone to something a little more serious. “You know, I actually think it will be kind of fun. A nice little break from campus life and annoying roommates. I’m excited. I’ll go talk to the doctors and hopefully by tomorrow morning we’ll be on our way out of here.” 

“Oh, thank god!” Raven exclaims, looking excited and relieved. “If I had to spend another week in here eating hospital issued jello and listening to the nurses gossip about the Bachelor, I think I would have gone insane. At least this way I’ll only have you to deal with.” She snarks.

Lexa rolls her eyes. “I’m sure that will be such a great hardship for you. If you think it will be too much for you I can always let my Aunt Indra know you said thanks, but that you prefer to stay in this amazingly green hospital room eating their amazingly green jello, instead of in her luxury apartment eating real food.”

Raven’s eyes bug out. “Nope. No way in hell! Dammit, Lexa I’m just kidding! I need to be out of here like yesterday. Tell your aunt I said thank you.”

“Alright, as long as you’re sure you won’t miss this place too much.”

“I’m sure. I’m sure! This place sucks ass! Please get me out of here, Lex.” She says reaching for Lexa’s hand and squeezing it. 

Lexa chuckles, giving Raven a small smile and squeezing her hand back. “Okay, well since you asked so nicely.” She jokes, and Raven just smiles that big toothy grin of hers. Lexa hesitates with her next words. “There’s something I want to ask you, but I don’t want you to feel pressured and it’s okay if you say no, I can figure something else out.”

“What is it? You can tell me.” Raven replies, giving Lexa’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Would it be okay if I drove your car to come get you tomorrow? I’ve been taking the bus to get here which has been fine, but I don’t think it will be good for transporting you while you’re injured, and I know it definitely won’t help convince the doctors to let you leave if they find out our transportation tomorrow is going to be a bus.”

“Are you crazy? Of course you can! I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were taking the bus everyday or I would have offered to let you drive it sooner. You’re welcome to use it to drive back and forth to campus too. It’s the least I can do with everything you and your Aunt are doing for me.”

“Okay, great. I’ll talk to the doctors and text my Aunt Indra, and before you know it we’ll be out of here.” She gives Raven’s hand one more squeeze, before standing up and turning to leave the room.

“Hey, Lexa?” Raven calls out, pulling her attention back into the room. “Thanks for doing all of this. I know you didn’t have to work all of this out for me, so I really appreciate it.” She says sincerely, and Lexa can almost detect a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I can do after you stood up for me at that party. I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible since the reason Brett came after you was because of what you did for me.” 

Raven’s look turns serious. “You know I don’t blame you for that, Lex. Brett is an entitled, ignorant, bigoted asshole and it was only a matter of time before he snapped like that. He’s the one to blame here, not you.” 

Lexa just gives Raven a sad but grateful smile, hoping one day she’ll actually believe those words are true. 

Raven may not be used to letting people help her and be uncomfortable with receiving practical help and emotional support. But Lexa is used to having to stand up for herself after so many years of being bullied in her many foster homes and schools. She isn’t used to the type of loyalty and protectiveness Raven has shown her. After her parents gave her up to the foster system at such a young age, Lexa has always expected people to abandon her when things get tough. Despite having been put into a loving and supportive home with Gustus and Aden when she was eleven, when it comes to others, Lexa has a hard time trusting them and believing they’ll stick with her when things get tough. Most of the time people prove her right. 

But Raven is different. 

Raven is brave and loyal and has not only stuck with her through tough times, but has tried to make them better. She hasn’t always gone about it in the most conventional ways, but after seeing how protective and dedicated Raven was to defending Lexa’s honor, despite the threat of physical violence and harm to herself, Lexa can’t deny the loyalty is there. 

“I’d do it again you know?” Raven says seriously, making sure to meet Lexa’s eyes. “Stand up to him, punch him in the face. Even with everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t change a thing about anything I said or did that night.”

“You wouldn’t?” Lexa asks, trying to hold Raven’s gaze as her emotions flutter in her chest.

“No, I wouldn’t.” 

Raven’s eyes are so earnest and sincere, and Lexa has no idea what she’s ever done to deserve such unwavering loyalty from Raven, but she knows she’ll never spend another day taking it for granted. She feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and can only manage to nod and give Raven a watery smile.

“Actually, I take that back. There is something I would change.” Raven says, that infuriatingly smug smile returning to her lips. 

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” Lexa plays along, unable to help herself.

“I would have gotten you that goddamn drink!” 

Lexa laughs. 

“I might have let you.” She says teasingly before turning to leave the room. 

She tries not to laugh at the “Damnit!” Raven lets out after she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think??? Did you spot the Raven quote? What was your favorite part?
> 
> As always feel free to leave comments or kudos on here or send me asks or messages on tumblr at: lexxaven


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa deals with her guilt and tries not to hover. Raven is an asshole who’s used to taking care of herself. Things get heated and emotional. Major Lexaven feels in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the last chapter and this chapter are both kind of short I’m posting them both on the same day. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Excited to hear what you guys think!

They spend the next several weeks in Indra’s condo. 

Raven’s professors have modified her assignments so she can do her schoolwork from home. Clarke comes to check on Raven and change her bandages twice a day at first, then only once a day when she shows Lexa how to do it. Lexa spends as little time on campus as she can, only attending her classes and spending the rest of her time at the apartment. It’s a nice break from dorm life, and honestly, Lexa could get used to this.

For the first week and a half, Raven is a cooperative patient, and Lexa is surprised. She lets Lexa take care of her and feed her a disgustingly healthy diet that she would never normally eat on her own. Lexa feeds her more fruits and vegetables in a week than Raven has probably ever eaten in her entire life. Raven accepts it all without complaint, a polite and grateful smile on her face.

That all changes one evening when Lexa makes them a dinner of zucchini pasta and tofurkey meatballs. Raven just frowns, and pushes the plate away.

“Is there something wrong? Do you feel sick?” Lexa asks, unable to hide the concern in her voice. She knows Raven hates it when she hovers too much.

“No, I don’t feel sick. Not yet anyway.” She grumbles, scowling at her plate.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Lexa asks, confused. 

“Starving.” Raven draws out dramatically.

“Then why don’t you eat?” Lexa huffs, feeling a little irritated at the conversation. “I made a perfectly healthy dinner for you, Raven. Zucchini has anti-inflammatory phytonutrients and contains a lot of vitamins that are beneficial to the healing process. If you want to get better then you need to eat. I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“The problem is, that I fucking hate zucchini!” Raven growls.

Lexa just sits there in silence, surprised by the sudden outburst. 

“Look, Lexa,” Raven says, trying to soften her tone at Lexa’s expression. “I really appreciate you taking care of me. I do. And I’ve been trying to play nice and go along with all of your rules and dietary restrictions, but I can’t take it anymore. I fucking hate zucchini and tofu and carrots and if I have to eat one more piece of kale I will probably vomit! I mean for fucks sake you tried to put kale in my oatmeal the other day! Who the hell eats kale in their oatmeal? It’s fucking disgusting. And don’t even get me started on the apple cider vinegar you’ve been slipping into everything I eat and drink! I mean you might as well just pee in my food! I’m sure it would taste better!” She finishes before taking a deep breath then groaning and clutching the side of her ribs. 

Lexa is shocked.

“I didn’t know. You never said anything.” Her voice comes out more sad and defeated than she wants it to. She knows Raven is under a lot of stress with her injuries, and that she has every right to voice her opinion, but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

“That’s because I felt bad.” Raven grumbles. “I mean here you are, bending over backwards to make sure I have somewhere nice to stay and healthy meals to eat, and I feel like I can’t tell you how I really feel, because then I’m an asshole. But I can only handle so much Lexa. I’m used to taking care of myself and being on my own and god, you have got to stop hovering so much. I’m not going to fucking break!”

And really, that’s the last straw for Lexa.

“How do I know that, Raven?” She barks out angrily, pushing back from the table and grabbing both of their plates. She stalks over to the sink and places the dishes inside before turning back to face her. “How do I know you’re not going to fucking break? Have you seen yourself?” She says, motioning with her arms. “Do you have any idea how it felt to find you unconscious and bleeding outside my dorm? I mean, jesus, Raven! I thought you were dead!” 

“Lexa—” Raven say, her eyes immediately filling with regret. 

But Lexa doesn’t want to hear it. She moves to the sink and turns on the faucet, angrily scraping the food into the disposal and rinsing off the plates. She carefully washes her hands and turns off the water, taking a deep breath before leaning against the counter and gripping the edge of the sink. 

Lexa tries not to cry. She really does. But she’s been so worried about Raven and has been trying really hard to make sure she’s been eating healthy meals to help her recover. Raven had been so willing to eat everything Lexa put in front of her, always saying thank you and never complaining. Lexa never really stopped to consider that Raven might not actually like the food she’s been making. 

She feels guilty. 

Not just for not picking up on the fact that Raven was hating her food or was uncomfortable with her hovering. But guilty that Raven is even in this situation to begin with. She knows Raven doesn’t blame her, but Lexa blames herself. If she had just handled things better with Brett that night at the party, then maybe none of this would have happened. She’s so caught up in her feelings of anger and guilt, that she doesn’t even realize Raven has crossed the room to join her until she feels a gentle hand on her wrist.

“Hey, hey,” Raven says softly, carefully pulling Lexa into her arms. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about Raven. This is all my fault. If I had just left that party or handled things differently with Brett, then none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t have been harassed or attacked or having to deal with my smothering care-taking skills and disgusting food. This is all my fault!” 

Lexa chokes out those last words through tears, and leans into Raven’s arms and Raven hisses and groans, pulling back to hold her ribs. And god, Lexa is such a mess and she just caused Raven even more pain with her carelessness and she can’t stop the onslaught of new tears as they stream down her face.

“God, Raven. I’m so sorry! I keep hurting you.” She says brokenly between sobs.

“Lexa, no. Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine,” Raven tries to sooth, but Lexa just keeps sobbing and shaking her head. “Lexa, stop! It’s okay. I’m okay. Will you please just look at me?” She pleads, reaching for Lexa’s hands and holding onto them tight. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Raven! None of this is fine. You could have died!” She gasps out that last part between sobs. 

And there it is, the fear that’s been haunting Lexa since the moment she found Raven in that alleyway. She thinks back to Costia and the summer she lost her. Killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Paying the price for someone else’s mistakes with her life. Just like Raven almost did. It’s a sickening parallel in Lexa’s life, and part of her wonders if she’s almost doomed to repeat it. “I can’t lose anyone else.” She says brokenly.

A look of understanding flickers in Raven’s eyes, and she squeezes Lexa’s hand before tracing it with her thumb. Her touch is gentle and caring, and there are unshed tears in her eyes. And Lexa watches entranced, as Raven lifts Lexa’s hand up to her chest before placing it over her heart. 

Raven presses Lexa’s palm against her chest, and Lexa has to remind herself to breathe. She zeros in on their hands, watching and feeling the steady rise and fall of Raven’s chest. Her skin is warm and smooth and Lexa swears she feels Raven’s heart skip a beat when she gently traces it with her thumb.

“Do you feel that?” Raven asks, soft and serious and Lexa just nods, the emotions still heavy in her own chest. “I’m alive, Lexa. I’m alive because of you. You found me and saved me. That’s all that matters.”

And Lexa wants to accept what Raven is saying, but it feels wrong. So she frowns and pulls away, unwilling to let herself off the hook so easily.

“You wouldn’t have even been in this situation if it wasn’t for me.”

“Lexa,” Raven breathes out, exasperated now. “You know I don’t blame you for any of this. This is not your fault. I don’t know how many more times I can say it. This is Brett’s fault! He’s the one that beat me up. He’s the one that vandalized my car. He’s the one who harassed you and touched you without permission. It’s his fault, Lexa. All of this is his fault. You have got to stop blaming yourself for something that was out of your control!”

Raven’s eyes are earnest and pleading and Lexa wants to believe her, she really does, but—“I wish it wasn’t,” Lexa says brokenly, her tears finally slowing down. “I wish it wasn’t out of my control, Raven. I wish I could have done something to stop him, to help you. God, when I think about how you were laying outside my dorm, hurt and bleeding and all alone, it makes me feel sick. I wish I realized something was wrong sooner. I wish I would have gone outside to look for you earlier. I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me the most.”

Lexa barely manages to get that last part out without breaking down again. But Raven is standing closer now, having moved further into her space, and it has a comforting effect.

“But you didn’t Lexa, and that’s okay.” Raven says softly, reaching for Lexa’s hands again and tracing gentle patterns on her wrists. “We could sit here all day and get stuck wishing for things that never happened, and obsessing over things we could have or should have done differently. But doing that never changes anything or leads to anything good. None of the could haves or should haves matter, Lexa. What matters is what we do to help each other now. You helped me as much as you could then and you’re helping me as much as you can now. That’s all that matters.”

“That still doesn’t change the way I feel.” 

“Maybe not. But Lexa, you had no reason to believe anything like this was going to happen. You responded normally to the situation with the information you had. Honestly, if anyone’s to blame here for not handling things differently it’s probably me.”

Lexa goes to argue, but Raven cuts her off. 

“I’m not saying I’m responsible for Brett’s actions or that my mishandling of things justifies or excuses what he did. But if I had been honest with you about what was going on and who was doing it—and let the police get involved like you suggested—things might have turned out differently. Maybe we could have avoided all of this.” Raven says that last part quietly, her eyes downcast and a somber look on her face, and Lexa hates it.

“Hey,” Lexa says, cupping Raven’s cheeks and tilting her face up so they can meet each other’s eyes. “I don’t blame you for any of this either, Raven. You had your reasons for not telling me and for not wanting to go to the cops.”

“And you had your reasons for doing what you did too, Lex. Just because something could have turned out differently doesn’t mean it’s your fault that it didn’t.”

And somehow those simple words make Lexa’s entire perspective shift. It’s like a light bulb has been turned on and a weight has been lifted from her chest, and she can finally breathe and see things clearly for the first time in months.

“You’re right.” Lexa says, feeling relieved at the truth and sincerity in her own words. 

“What?” Raven asks, surprised by the sudden shift.

“I said, you’re right, Raven. This wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t feel guilty.”

It takes Raven a few more seconds to catch up with Lexa’s words, but when she finally does, there’s a look of pride in her eyes and a smile on her lips, and Lexa’s heart skips a beat.

“Damn right!” Raven says, her smile shifting to something infuriatingly more smug.

“Way to ruin the moment,” Lexa says flatly, dropping her hands from Raven’s cheeks down to her sides and giving Raven a pointed look.

“What? You mean the moment where you admitted I was right? Twice!”

“Oh my god! That’s your take away? Seriously?” Lexa says, trying to control her irritation.

“What’s wrong with that? I think it’s great that you’re finally recognizing me for the genius that I am.” Raven smirks.

“And here I was thinking we were actually having a moment.” Lexa huffs and turns back to the sink, trying to hide her disappointment.

“Hey, no wait! I’m sorry. I’m sorry! We were!” Raven says, pulling at Lexa’s wrist until they’re facing each other again. “We were.” She says gently, her eyes more serious this time.

“Yeah?” Lexa asks softly, trying to hide the slight tremble in her voice.

“Yeah.” Raven says just as softly, smoothing her thumb along the inside of Lexa’s wrist. “Look I’m sorry for being an ass. But I really am happy that you’re realizing none of this was your fault, Lexa. Because it wasn’t. And I hate the idea of you blaming yourself and carrying all that guilt. Especially when you’ve been such a great friend to me. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you were willing to work all of this out. Seriously.” 

The words are so kind and sincere and Lexa’s heart feels so full, that she’s honestly worried it’s going to burst. She takes a deep breath before responding. Knowing that she has to get her emotions under control. Talking with Raven is a tricky balance of sincerity and sarcasm, and she knows that now that Raven has revealed something so heartfelt, she has to shift gears.

“Even though you think my food is so disgusting that it would actually taste better if I peed in it?”

And Raven just bursts out laughing, groaning and gripping her ribs in pain. Having the decency to at least look somewhat embarrassed.

“Oh, my god! I am such an asshole!” Raven says, her cheeks flushed and a sheepish smile on her face.

“You really are.” Lexa says, giggling and smiling back.

They both just stand there, looking at each other with wide grins, before Raven breaks the silence. 

“I’m sorry I acted like such a jerk when you were just trying to take care of me.” She says more seriously. “I’m not used to having people take care of me like this. I always had to fend for myself for most of my life. So sometimes it just feels weird to me and I lash out. I’ve never had a friend like you before, Lex. It’s just going to take some getting used to.” Her voice is quiet and vulnerable, and that lost look in her eyes is back. It makes Lexa think back to all the other times she remembers seeing it, and she hates it just as much now as she did then.

“Hey, I get it.” Lexa prods. “Tough, bad ass chick who can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone’s help. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.” She says, repeating Raven’s words back to her from all those weeks ago.

Raven just squeezes her hand and smiles, “Thank you.” She says quietly.

“Of course, Raven. That’s what friends are for.” 

“Yeah, I think I’m finally starting to get that.”

“Now about my cooking,” Lexa says, and before she can get anything else out, Raven is wide eyed and rushing to apologize.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, Lex! I can’t believe I was such a jerk! I don’t even—”

Lexa reaches up a hand to place over Raven’s lips, effectively silencing her apology before quirking an eyebrow at her. Raven just nods in agreement, and Lexa pulls her hand away before speaking.

“Let’s order pizza.”

“Really?” Raven asks, barely controlled excitement and surprise evident in her voice.

“Yes, really.”

“Are you sure?” Raven asks, clearly excited but confused by the sudden shift.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says, with a slightly teasing tone.

“I’m sure.” Raven says. 

“How sure are you about pineapple on pizza?”

“Not that sure.” Raven glowers, and Lexa just laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feel free to leave comments or kudos on here or send me asks or messages on tumblr at: lexxaven
> 
> Feedback gives me life and motivation to write!
> 
> Also, if you’re wondering where the “Tough, bad ass chick...” quote came from, Raven said it to Lexa at the frat party in Chapter 2.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Raven are back to normal life in the dorms. Their connection continues to grow as Raven opens up about her past and Lexa tries to comfort her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who’s reading this story and leaving comments and kudos! Also thank you to those who gave me medical and legal feedback since again I am not an expert and some of you are. I’ve really enjoyed interacting with all of you and getting your thoughts, feelings, and feedback! It really inspires and motivates me to write. This week and next week are going to be long for me so I figured I’d post this chapter before the week starts and things get too crazy. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> This chapter will include hints of canon backstories and conversations so keep a look out for them!

They’ve been back in the dorms for several weeks now, and Lexa low-key hates it. 

She misses the peace and quiet of the Palo Alto apartment, not to mention the luxury bathroom and kitchen. The small bathroom she shares with her roommate and the sorry excuse for a kitchen in the common room can’t even compete. 

Thankfully, Lexa has been too busy with schoolwork and projects to be spending much time in her dorm room anyway. Deadlines are looming as the end of the semester nears, and most students are scrambling to get things done. Lexa isn’t usually one of those students. She carefully plans out her coursework and studying time at the beginning of every semester, and after so many years of academic success, she’s practically perfected it. 

But after everything that’s happened over the past two months she’s woefully behind. At least by her standards she is. She’s not behind on any assignments, but she’s behind on all of the recommended class reading and with Raven needing so much time to recover, they’re behind on their project too. 

They’ve only been to six out of the eight locations they decided on, and the deadline for completion is a little over a month away. Which is why they’ve agreed to meet up tonight.

Lexa is stepping out of her dorm just as Raven pulls up in her rover. She’s surprised when Raven gets out and meets her on the sidewalk. She looks more somber than normal, missing that cocky grin and mischievous look in her eyes that Lexa has become so accustom to seeing. 

Lexa is concerned. 

She asks Raven if she’s okay and Raven says she’s fine. Lexa knows her well enough by now to know that she’s not, but she also knows better than to push. If Raven wants to tell her what’s wrong, she will do it in her own time. 

Raven asks her to drive, giving Lexa the location to put in her gps, and that’s when Lexa knows something is really wrong. Raven rarely asks Lexa to drive. The last time Lexa drove Raven’s car is when she was injured after the attack, so the fact that she’s asking her to do so now has Lexa scanning Raven’s body searching for any injuries. When she sees none, she knows that something else more personal must be wrong. She wants so badly to force Raven to give her answers, but again she knows from past experience that Raven doesn’t open up easily and that pushing her for answers will only make her more closed off. 

So Lexa gets into the rover, puts the location into the gps on her phone and turns the radio on low before pulling out on the road. She tries to make small talk, hoping it will somehow lead to Raven opening up to her, but it’s unsuccessful. Raven’s answers are short and clipped and she’s distracted and texting on her phone. 

When they finally arrive at their location, Raven doesn’t even skip a beat. She gets out of the vehicle quickly, opening the back of the rover to pull out the telescope and sky quality meter and starts carrying them out into the nearby field, all before Lexa barely even has a chance to step foot outside. She makes sure the vehicle is locked before trying to catch up with her. Despite all of the equipment she’s carrying, Raven is moving quite fast and Lexa finds herself a little winded, by the time she finally catches up. 

She watches quietly as Raven places the tools in the grass for Lexa to set up, then moves to a nearby rock to sit down and continue texting. She does all of this without even looking at Lexa, and Lexa has tried being patient, but the way that Raven is pretty much completely ignoring her and refusing to even speak to her or look at her is unnerving and Lexa can’t take it anymore. 

“Raven.” No response. “Raven, what’s going on?” Still no response. “Raven, hey, did I do something wrong?” This finally gets Raven’s attention, and she gives Lexa the most heartbreaking look. 

“Of course not, Lex. You’re the one thing in my life right now that actually feels right.” Lexa’s heart flutters in her chest at the sincerity in Raven’s words, and she swallows and tries not to think about the deeper implications behind them. Not when Raven is upset and so clearly in need of a friend.

“Then what’s going on? I can tell something is bothering you.” Raven just gives her a sad look, closing her eyes and shaking her head as she looks away. 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, Lexa. I’m sorry for being so moody. Let’s just get back to the project.” She says, standing up and motioning to their equipment.

“Are we really going to do this again?” Lexa sighs.

“Do what?” Raven asks, looking legitimately confused. 

“You know, the whole thing where something is clearly bothering you and you pretend like it’s not and I have to spend an hour trying to pry it out of you? Wouldn’t it just be easier for you to tell me what’s going on? You always feel better after you do.” She says, moving over to adjust the telescope and sky quality meter, knowing that giving Raven her full, undivided attention while she’s trying to open up will only work against her. 

“Lexa, please.” Raven says, her voice shaky and thin.

“You can tell me Raven. I’m here for you.” And when Lexa turns to look at her and reaches for her hands, Raven loses it. 

As soon as she looks from their joined hands to Lexa’s eyes, Raven starts to cry and despite Lexa’s initial shock at Raven’s strong display of emotion, she just pulls her into her arms to comfort her. Surprisingly Raven doesn’t resist, which is when Lexa knows something must really be wrong. She tries to calm Raven down, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words into her hair. 

“You’re okay. I’ve got you.” Lexa says, and Raven just sinks into her embrace.

When Raven finally calms down, Lexa tries to talk to her. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“I know.” Raven nods tearily, her voice thick with emotion. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Raven tries to joke through her sniffling and tears, but it falls flat. They both know they’re well beyond that point in their relationship after everything they’ve been through over the past several months. But Lexa can tell that Raven somehow needs this. Needs the banter they so often fall into when they’re together, so she pulls back from the hug, reaches for Raven’s hands and playfully rolls her eyes.

“Of course we are. I mean I’ll be the first to admit that 90% of the time you annoy me, and your manners and social etiquette need some serious work, but I’m also very fond of your company and your jokes aren’t half bad either. And contrary to what your brain might be telling you right now, I really do care about you Raven, and I know you care about me too.” Raven gives Lexa a small smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and rubs the back of Lexa’s hand with her thumb.

“I do.”

“I know you do. I knew from the moment you almost beat up a guy twice your size for me. You’ve been there for me so many times before, why won’t you let me be here for you now?” 

“I don’t know, because I’m screwed up. Because I have trust issues? Who knows.” Raven huffs.

“I don’t get it. After everything we’ve been through, I thought you knew you could trust me by now. Didn’t I prove that to you after the attack?” Lexa pauses, still hating the way those words sound and the memory it brings of Raven’s cold and lifeless body crumpled on the ground. “I know it wasn’t easy for you, but you let me help you then. Why won’t you let me help you now?”

“Because Lexa, this is different. It’s personal, family stuff that’s painful for me to talk about, and the last thing I want to do is burden you with this shit when there’s nothing you can do to fix it.” Lexa goes to argue but Raven cuts her off. “I know how you are Lexa. Any time someone has a problem you’re always trying to fix things. You have a huge savior complex.” 

Lexa just lets out a sigh, knowing Raven is right.

“Okay, so while I will be the first to admit that you’re right about me having a savior complex, I can also just listen too, without trying to fix things.” Raven gives her a disbelieving look. “I can! It’s just so happens that the situations that have happened with you before have been one’s where practical help was needed. But I can listen too. Maybe I won’t be able to do anything to fix whatever’s going on with you, but I can be here for you and listen to you. Talking about something that’s upsetting you usually helps.” 

“Trust me, the last thing you want is to hear about my fucked up family drama.” Raven grumbles.

“That’s not true. I can see it weighing you down. As a friend, it’s even worse to watch someone you care about struggle with the weight of something they won’t let you help them carry.”

“Lexa, this isn’t your problem to deal with. It’s mine, and I’ll find a way to deal with it like I normally do.”

“If it’s your problem then it’s my problem, Raven. That’s how friendship works. Can you honestly say if the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t be doing the same thing?” 

Raven lets out a resigned sigh.

“No. You’re right. I’d be doing exactly what you’re doing right now. I’ve done what you’re doing. It’s just hard for me. You know? Talking about my family. Sharing my problems with other people. I have a hard time trusting people and an even harder time letting them in. I usually just try to deal with this type of shit on my own.”

“How’s that been working for you?”

“Meh, the results are still inconclusive, but based on my most recent observations, not very well.” Raven tries to joke, but there’s a seriousness beneath her words and Lexa can see new tears forming in her eyes.

“Well, why not try an experiment to see if you get different results? It might turn out better than you think.”

“Or it could be worse.” Raven says, her voice shaky and soft.

“That is a possibility, but based on my past observations of the subject in question, it’s pretty unlikely. While there is still a small percentage that it could make things worse, there is a greater likelihood that it will make them better. But I guess you’ll never know unless you try.”

“Interesting hypothesis.” Raven says quietly, her voice strained and thick with emotion. 

“Either way, I’m here if you want to test it out.” Lexa says, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

And something inside of Raven breaks again, tears start falling steadily down her cheeks but she’s not sobbing. Just a slow steady cry and a look of defeat. Lexa isn’t sure if this means Raven is going to share, but a few minutes later she starts to speak.

“Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do to you, or to themselves, you’d take it?” Lexa feels her heart start to constrict at Raven’s words, and has to hold back her own tears. She knows that look, has felt those same feelings. Before Gustus, before New York. She swallows thickly before responding. 

“Mom or dad?” Lexa asks, and when Raven looks at her, she can tell she’s guessed right.

“Mom. Drinking herself to death, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.” Lexa just squeezes and strokes Raven’s hand, her emotions too strong for her to speak, but wanting to offer her some comfort. 

“I’m sorry, Raven. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be.” Except she kind of can, but now is not the time or place to share that.

“She almost died tonight.” Raven says brokenly, and Lexa’s heart twists painfully in her chest. “I got a call from the hospital when I was on my way to your dorm. Apparently she mixed some pills with the fifth of vodka she drinks every night and had a bad reaction. Her heart almost stopped. If a friend of mine hadn’t gone by to do a weekly checkup on her like I asked him to while I’m away, she’d probably be dead.”

“Raven,” Lexa gets out through barely controlled tears. “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now.” 

Raven just shrugs, her expression hardening a little and Lexa doesn’t know what she said that was wrong, but she immediately wants to take the words back. 

“It’s whatever.” Raven says, her voice cold and indifferent as she stares down at their hands. “I’m used to this type of bullshit with her. It’s been happening my whole life. I knew when I left to come here that something like this could happen, but someone important to me told me that I can’t save her from herself and that I can’t put my life on hold for her either.”

“That’s very true.” Lexa says softly, still holding Raven’s hand, gently tracing the scar on her palm. “Doesn’t make it any easier when shit like this happens.” 

“No, it really doesn’t.” Raven says quietly, and Lexa just pulls her into a hug and is glad when she doesn’t resist.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”

“It wasn’t. But I think your hypothesis was right.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks softly, rubbing her hands in soothing circles on Raven’s back.

“I do feel a little better now. Still shitty, but better.”

“Well, I didn’t just get into Stanford on my good looks.” Lexa teases, and Raven just pulls back from the hug and laughs.

“Was that a joke?” 

“Maybe.” Lexa says coyly.

“Oh, she’s got jokes now? Who are you and what have you done to my best friend Lexa?” She teases.

Lexa pretends to be offended. “I’ll have you know, that I am very skilled at the art of sarcasm, I just choose not to use it as a lifestyle like someone else I know.” She says, giving Raven a pointed look.

“We’ll see about that. Keep the jokes coming, and I might just keep you around.”

****

They finish their data collection quickly. 

Raven insisting they might as well since they’re all the way out there anyway. Once they’re done, they make their way back to the rover. Storing the telescope and light meter in the front seat, while folding down the back seats and rolling out mattress pads, sleeping bags, and pillows. It’s a snug fit, but they make it work. Thankfully Raven has somehow rigged a small heater using charged solar panels for an energy source, and Lexa is grateful that her friend is a mechanical genius since the air outside is chilly at night now that it’s November. 

Raven pulls out her laptop and Lexa pulls out the snacks and drinks they packed, and they spend the next few hours eating way too much junk food and laughing at old episodes of Friends. Lexa has the entire dvd box set and when she found out Raven had never seen the show, she made it her mission to change that. Raven only checks her phone once every thirty minutes, which Lexa views as a small victory. 

When they both get so tired that they can barely keep their eyes open, they decide to turn in for the night. They’re tucked into their sleeping bags, and at first Raven refuses to fall asleep, worried she’ll get an important call about her mom and sleep through it since she’s such a heavy sleeper. But Lexa reminds Raven that she’s a light sleeper and tells her that she’ll wake her up if she hears her phone ring. 

And something in the atmosphere shifts.

Raven looks at Lexa with tears and affection shining in her eyes and Lexa’s heart melts when Raven reaches for her hand and holds it in the space between them before leaning in to kiss Lexa on the cheek. Raven pulls back from Lexa slowly, her breath warm and sweet as it brushes across Lexa’s face. She can smell the hints of chocolate and fruit from the candy they were eating earlier, and when Raven meets Lexa’s eyes with a heavy-lidded gaze, Lexa has to remind herself to breathe. 

She’s pretty sure she stops breathing altogether, when Raven leans in to press their foreheads together before whispering, “Thanks, Lex. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Lexa takes in a deep breath through her nose before releasing it.

“Lucky for you, you’ll never have to find out.” She says, and Lexa means those words whole heartedly. In a friendship way, but also something more. If Raven knew how much Lexa was into her, the words would be romantic, but since she doesn’t the words are just friendly. 

At least that’s what Lexa thinks, until Raven pulls back and gives her the most intense look before whispering, “I know.” 

She doesn’t have time to respond, because Raven is rolling over, pulling Lexa’s arm around her waist and Lexa realizes they’re spooning. 

Raven Reyes opened up to her about her painful family relationship, kissed her on the cheek and now they’re spooning. If Lexa wasn’t falling for her before, she is now. She’s too buzzed on the energy she feels from the realization to fall asleep. So she pulls Raven close, settling her arm more comfortably around her waist, and Raven shifts to accommodate her so they’re sharing the same pillow. Lexa tries not to focus on the heady smell of Raven’s skin and shampoo, as she nuzzles her face in the back of her hair, but it’s pointless. She lays there holding her, and doesn’t fall asleep until well after Raven’s breathing has evened out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what’d you guys think? Also, exciting news! Next chapter will be completely from Raven’s POV and is one of my favorite chapters of the whole story! I can’t wait for you to read it!
> 
> As always feel free to leave comments or kudos on here or send me asks or messages on tumblr at: lexxaven
> 
> Feedback gives me life and motivation to write!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Lexa spend some time apart, but their bond continues to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely from Raven’s POV. Raven is one of my all time favorite characters and based on what little we got of her canon back story, I just felt like this was something I wanted to explore. Obviously there are some differences from canon because of the context of my story, but hopefully this chapter is the backstory that Raven deserves. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, and to me this chapter is almost like a love letter to Raven. Exploring who she is, why she is the way she is, and how amazing and strong she is, despite all she’s been through. I hope you love this chapter as much as I do! Enjoy! 
> 
> **Trigger Warning for mentions of past abuse, and alcohol and drug abuse.**

They spend Thanksgiving break apart and miss each other terribly. 

Lexa flies back to New York to spend the holiday with Gustus and Aden, and Raven drives down to LA to see Becca and Sinclair and check in on her Mom. 

Raven hates being home. She hates the guilt and anger that it brings. Hates coming back to find her mom still high and drunk and mean as ever. The near death experience seemingly having no impact on her habits. Raven isn’t even surprised. This isn’t the first time her Mom has been at deaths door, and she’s sure it won’t be the last. She’s pretty much resigned herself to the fact that she’ll probably find her mom dead one day in a pool of her own vomit. A result of alcohol poising or an overdose. Maybe both. 

Raven hates that she still cares about her mom and feels responsible for her, but she does. She tries to put up good boundaries, she does. Being away at college has helped with that. But no matter how hard she tries, the codependency and dysfunction always come creeping back in, and Raven barely makes it at home for a few hours before she’s driving away in a fit of rage and showing up at Sinclair’s door.

He still has her old room set up for her in the shop. 

He used to let Raven stay there when things got too bad at home. Raven would sneak out of her bedroom window and spend the night at the shop, her mother always too drunk or high to notice. Sinclair walks her through the house, making small talk until they reach the door at the end of the hallway that leads into the shop. He pulls out a key to unlock the door before dropping it in Raven’s palm. 

“Becca’s making breakfast for the kids tomorrow morning at 8am sharp. Don’t be late.” He says gently with that kind and understanding look in his eyes, and Raven just nods, blinking back her tears.

She makes her way to her room. It’s a small office in the back of the shop that never gets used. It’s cramped and a little dusty and only has one window, but it’s the closest thing Raven has ever had to a place she can call her own. The wall is still decorated with old band posters. Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac and Queen, and okay, maybe Raven went through a classic rock phase during high school because she thought it was cool.

A small desk sits in the corner covered in notebooks, engine manuals, an industrial lamp, and an old stereo that’s connected to a speaker system that Raven rigged up during her sophomore year in high school. She walks over to the desk, turns on the lamp, and carefully trails her fingers over the dust covered notebooks and books. She can’t believe Sinclair kept all of these. She smiles when she looks up to find her framed diploma and the picture of herself with Becca, Sinclair, and their two boys at her high school graduation. 

Raven remembers that day. It was a good day. 

She was filled with a sense of pride and belonging, an excited anticipation for everything that was yet to come. She had felt so accomplished, like she was really going places in life. She remembers walking across the stage and feeling the soft parchment of her diploma and trying to hide her smile when she heard the Sinclair family cheering for her from the bleachers. They took her out to celebrate at a nice restaurant, and it was one of the best nights of her life. The memory only tainted by her mother berating her for being out too late and giving her a black eye as retribution.

She sighs and makes her way over to the small metal bed on the left side of the room. She’s surprised to find the sheets are fresh, and feels a twinge in her chest, realizing that Sinclair was probably expecting her to come here after visiting her mom. She takes off her bomber jacket, hanging it inside the metal locker near the foot of her bed before taking off her bra and jeans and placing them on the top shelf. She stands on the worn area rug in the middle of the room, wearing nothing but her t-shirt and a pair of short boxer briefs. The room is cool, and Raven makes her way over to the bag she dropped beside the door, pulling out a hoodie, sweatpants, and a fresh pair of socks before slipping them on and snuggling into her bed. 

She lays there trying not to think about her mom, and instead thinks back to the first time she met Sinclair. 

_**Flashback**_

The first time she meets Sinclair is when she’s fourteen and runs away from home after having a particularly volatile fight with her mom. Raven had been saving up money for months so she could go on a school field trip to the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory with her ninth grade science class. It was something the class did every year, and she’d been looking forward to it since she learned about it four years ago when she was in the fifth grade. Most of her classmates were rich and able to afford it, but Raven knew her mom would never give her the money to go, so she had to earn it herself. She picked up odd jobs like mowing lawns, cleaning pools, and had even done a paper delivery job for a few months in the summer. She was so close to reaching her goal and proud of herself for working so hard, and is devastated when she comes home from school one day to find all of her money gone. Her mom having found her secret hiding place and taking the money to buy booze. 

Raven is so devastated and enraged that she can’t help but tell her mom off, screaming and yelling at her and even throwing and breaking a few things. Her mother is so shocked by Raven actually fighting back, that before she even gets a chance to put Raven in her place, Raven is storming into her room, shoving the important items that she needs into a duffle bag and grabbing her backpack before sneaking out her bedroom window and running away. She has no idea where she’s going, only that she has to get away. She only has ten bucks in her wallet but makes her way on foot to the bus station, hoping she can find something cheap enough to get her out of town. 

It’s a long walk to the station, and by the time she gets there it’s late and the station is closed and the momentum she felt from her rage quickly settles into resignation and defeat. She decides she’ll wait outside on a park bench until it opens the next morning at 6am, and tries to settle in comfortably, knowing it’s going to be a long night. Her plan feels pretty solid until it starts to rain and Raven knows she has to find a place to spend the night. With being so young and not having enough money for a hotel, Raven knows she’ll either have to find a public location that’s open or sneak in some place and hide. Most stores are closed this late at night, and Raven knows better than to break into one of them since most of them have good security systems. She’s starting to lose hope, feeling her options dwindling, when she sees it. 

A car repair shop called Sinclair’s. 

The building looks old and Raven doubts it has the type of high-tech security system most stores do, so she makes her way over to the shop, finding an open window in the back and sneaking inside. The shop is dark and smells like metal and grease but Raven is surprised to find that she actually likes the smell. She snoops around quietly, taking in the machinery and tools. It’s a combination of old and new equipment giving Raven the impression that the place has been owned by a hardworking family for years. It’s a reminder of the satisfaction Raven remembers feeling after working her part time jobs to save up money, and she swallows down the emotion in her throat as she tries to focus on the task at hand. She searches around for somewhere to hide and sleep, realizing how exhausted she is now that she’s somewhere quiet and warm and out of the rain. She figures she’ll catch a few hours of sleep, set an early alarm on her watch, and sneak out before anyone even realizes she was there. 

She finds an old office in the back that looks fairly unused. It’s filled with dusty old manuals, spare parts and a small couch in the corner that looks comfortable enough. The room has it’s own window that she can easily sneak out of in the early morning and Raven decides it will be the perfect place for her to sleep. She takes a deep breath, finally feeling herself relax, before putting her bags down and sitting on the couch. The couch feels a little lumpy but it will have to do, and Raven curls up on her side, trying to ignore the hunger in her stomach and the sadness in her heart, and it takes a little while but she eventually falls asleep. 

She wakes up the next morning to a beeping watch and something warm and slimy moving against her hand. Initially she’s confused, thinking she’s still in her bed at home, but then she’s hit with the sharp scent of metal and grease and she sits up with a start remembering where she is. She takes in her surroundings quickly, the old couch and table covered in manuals and greasy parts. She realizes the slimy feeling is a dog licking her hand and she stands up in shock and stumbles back in fear when she sees a middle aged man standing in the doorway and staring at her with curious eyes. The man just stands there staring at her, while the dog continues to lick her hand, and Raven doesn’t know what to do or say, fearful that the man will call the police and that she’ll be in a world of trouble. She turns off the alarm on her watch, the high pitched beeping only serving to increase her anxiety and fear. They all just stand there in an awkward and uncomfortable silence and Raven seriously considers just bolting out the window, but then the man speaks.

“You hungry?” He asks, his tone soft and kind, and the genuine look in his eyes puts Raven at ease. Raven’s stomach growls, and the man gives her a small smile. “Follow me.” He says. 

Part of Raven is so shocked by his response that she starts to fear the whole thing is a trap. But she knows she doesn’t have a lot of options, so she pushes her fear aside and follows the man into the main area of the shop. He leads her over to the opposite side of the room, unlocking an office that’s much nicer and more spacious than the one she had been in. He points to a chair across from a desk which Raven obediently sits in. The dog curls up at her feet, laying his head on top of her shoes, and Raven just watches as the man walks over to a cabinet in the back of the room, pulls out a box of powdered donuts and switches on a coffee maker. He sets the box down in front of her, telling her to help herself, and Raven wants to resist but she can’t. The donuts are mildly stale and dry, but Raven is so hungry after not eating dinner last night that she scarfs them down greedily. The man just watches her in mild amusement as he waits for the coffee to brew, and when it’s finished he pours himself a cup.

“Coffee?” He asks, giving Raven a questioning look, and Raven just nods, desperate to have something to help wash down the dry donuts. He pours her a cup of coffee in a “best dad in the universe” mug, stirring in cream and sugar and placing it in front of her. Raven drinks down some of the steaming liquid, breathing out a contented sigh as her belly finally starts to feel full.

“I’m Sinclair.” The man says before sitting down in front of her, shuffling some papers to the side and sipping his coffee. “That’s Axel.” He says, nodding to the dog at her feet. “What’s your name?” He asks, and Raven knows the man is practically a stranger but for some reason she trusts him.

“Raven Reyes.” She says quietly.

“Nice to meet you Raven Reyes.” He says, giving her a small smile, and he seems so kind and sincere that Raven immediately feels guilty for having broken in.

“Look, I’m sorry about breaking in. I promise I didn’t take anything. You can search my stuff if you want. I just needed somewhere to stay for the night since it was raining outside. I thought I would just sleep for a few hours and be gone before anyone even noticed I’d been here. Clearly I overslept.” 

“Clearly.” Sinclair says, giving her a small smirk, and Raven is relieved to find that he’s not upset and hopes that means he’s not interested in reporting her.

“Are you going to call the cops?” Raven asks, unable to help herself with the anxiety she still feels.

“Well, since you didn’t steal anything, I don’t see why I would. Unless you think I should?” 

“No!” Raven yelps out. “I mean no, she says.” More evenly this time. 

“Well then it’s settled,” Sinclair says, “No cops.” 

Raven lets out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, I definitely owe you. I promise I won’t bother you again. I’ll just be on my way now.” She says, guzzling down the rest of her coffee and getting ready to stand.

“Where are you heading?” He asks, stilling Raven’s movements.

“Oh, I’m not sure yet. Out of town.” 

Sinclair gives her a questioning look.

“I’m taking the bus.” She offers, not knowing why she feels the need to give him an explanation.

“Okay, but before you leave I have a few questions I’m hoping you’ll answer since I didn’t call the cops.”

“Is that a threat?” Raven asks defensively, crossing her arms and feeling herself bristle at the possibility.

“Hey, no.” Sinclair says quietly, raising up his hands in a placating manner. “Just call it friendly curiosity.” He finishes, and again he has that kind and genuine look in his eyes, free of any judgment or dislike, and Raven feels herself start to relax. She doesn’t see the harm in answering a few of Sinclair’s questions. Especially since she’ll probably never see him again. 

But when he gives her that kind look and asks her why she’s there and what she’s running from, it’s like something inside of Raven breaks. The whole thing is weighing on Raven so heavily that she just tells him everything. Let’s out all of the anger and pain that she’s never talked about before and has been building up for years. She cries and cries and Sinclair just watches her with a furrowed brow and soft and compassionate eyes. He doesn’t give her any false platitudes or advice, doesn’t look at her with pity like she’s some damaged or broken thing. In fact he looks at her with genuine understanding and possibly even respect. He gets up from his seat, goes over to the same cabinet in the back and pulls out a box of tissues. He places them in front of her before sitting down, and waits patiently as she blows her nose, wipes away her tears, and calms down. 

“Would you like a job Raven Reyes?” He asks quietly, and Raven is so shocked by his kindness and generosity that all she can do is nod. 

*

The job initially starts as a cleaning job. Raven comes to Sinclair’s after school to help organize his tools and equipment and clean up as much dirt and grease as she can. She comes twice a week, and Sinclair pays her thirty dollars in cash and lets her store it in a lockbox in the old office with the couch so she doesn’t have to worry about her mom stealing it at home. 

Sinclair introduces her to his family, his two young boys and his wife Becca. Becca is caring and smart with kind eyes like her husband, but she’s definitely more chatty and has a lot more spunk. She’s a middle school science teacher which Raven thinks is pretty cool since she loves science and outer space. Raven really enjoys talking to her and learning from her, and she’s excited when Becca starts inviting her to dinners on the days she comes to clean. 

It’s an interesting experience for Raven since she’s not used to participating in family-like activities or events. Becca is always fussing over how dirty and smelly Raven and Sinclair get from working in the shop, forcing them both to take showers before joining her and the boys at the dinner table. Becca insists that Raven keeps some spare clothes there, since there’s no point in her showering if she’s just going to put her dirty clothes back on. Raven agrees, keeping the clothes in a duffle bag in the back office, surprised when each week she comes back to find clean clothes, realizing that Becca is washing her dirty clothes in between dinners. 

Having a safe place to sleep, family dinners twice a week, and someone doing her laundry is the closest thing Raven has ever had to a normal childhood. Sometimes she’s so overwhelmed by the feeling that her heart aches and she cries. When she comes into the shop one day to find the back office completely cleaned out—the old couch and spare parts replaced by a narrow bed, a desk, and a metal locker—it leaves her speechless. She sits down on the bed and cries for twenty minutes and is grateful when Becca invites her into the house for milk and cookies and pretends not to notice. 

Eventually Raven saves up enough money to buy a bicycle so she can get around. It’s a vintage Schwinn bike that definitely needs some work, but by the time Raven is done with it, it’s got a fresh coat of paint and is working better than new. She uses it to go back and forth between her house, the shop, and school. Making sure to hide it behind the bushes at her house so her mom doesn’t find out. 

Two days a week turns to three days a week, then four and eventually Raven is spending almost every day after school at Sinclair’s. She convinces Sinclair to teach her about fixing cars since there are only so many things to organize and clean. He agrees and after only a few weeks they come to find out that Raven is a natural. Within a few months of working under Sinclair her skill set reaches a level that apparently takes most people years to reach, and Raven tries not to blush when Becca tells her she’s a mechanical genius. Raven has never felt like she was good at anything, and to find something she’s not only good at but likes, gives her a sense of security and confidence that she’s never had before.

When Raven turns sixteen, Sinclair takes her to get her license and lets her fix up an old Land Rover that somebody brings to him for parts. The insides of the vehicle are a mess, but the outside is in pretty good shape and Raven spends hours of free time after work and on the weekends rebuilding the engine and replacing old parts. Within two months she has the vehicle up and running and has never felt more accomplished, the feeling only overshadowed by the realization that she can never let her mom know about it, not trusting her to not take it and sell it so she can continue to feed her habit. And once again she’s grateful for Sinclair when he lets her keep the Rover behind the shop. 

When she turns seventeen Becca helps her open up a bank account and apply for colleges. She helps Raven fill out scholarship forms and decide on a major, and halfway through her final year of high school Raven get’s an acceptance letter to Stanford, and the whole Sinclair family celebrates with her. 

When her mom finds out, she’s angry. Tearing Raven down, telling her she’ll never amount to anything and becoming more violent. She beats Raven so badly that she has to stay home from school on two different occasions until the cuts heal and the bruises start to fade. Raven locks herself in her room and hides, not wanting to burden the Sinclair’s and spends the rest of the year with bruised ribs, and a broken heart. 

When the school year finally ends, she moves into the shop permanently until the end of the summer. She works for Sinclair fixing cars, bringing in business and saving up as much money as she can. The summer passes by quickly and before she knows it she’s packing up the Rover with the few possessions she has, saying goodbye to the Sinclair’s, and heading off to Stanford. 

Excited for what lies ahead and never looking back.

_**End Flashback**_

And that’s how Raven met Sinclair. By breaking into his shop when she was trying to run away, and sleeping through her alarm. He completely changed her life, offering her safety and opportunities she never would have had otherwise. He treated her with kindness and respect, introduced her to his family, and took a chance on her when no one else would. 

Raven tosses and turns at the memories, unable to fall asleep. She shudders to think about where she would be without the Sinclair’s. Her anger for her mom only increasing. Her heart is still swirling with emotion from thinking about her past and her mom. She knows she’s still coming down from the adrenaline rush after their fight, and knows from past experience that it will take time for her body to relax. What she needs is a distraction, something to pull her away from her angry thoughts and limbs. She picks up her phone and sees a missed text from Lexa that she received almost three hours ago.

_Did you make it home okay?_

The words aren’t profound. Just a simple checking in that Raven has gotten used to over the past few months. But it’s a world away from the dysfunction and hurt Raven experiences with her mom, and the simple kindness of the gesture brings Raven to tears. 

She knows it’s probably too late to be calling, since Lexa is on the east coast and is three hours ahead. But honestly, after the shit day she’s had, she needs to talk to her best friend. She dials Lexa’s number and waits in anticipation until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?” Lexa mumbles out, her voice gravelly from sleep, and Raven can tell she’s woken her up.

“Hey, did I wake you up?” Raven asks softly into the phone, trying to hide the tremble in her voice and ignore her feelings of guilt and doubt.

“Raven? What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, her voice laced with concern and it’s almost more then Raven can handle.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” She lies, her voice strained and weak, and Raven knows that she’s failed to convince Lexa when she hears her let out a deep sigh.

“So you just called me at 2AM my time, because you’re fine?” Her voice is surprisingly gentle and patient, and Raven hates the way it makes her emotions well up in her chest. She can’t believe how soft and emotional she’s being. She’s never really been the type of person to cry or open up to people about her feelings, even though she desperately wants to do so now. But it’s scary and she’s not sure she’s up for it, so she takes a deep breath, swallowing the emotion in her throat before responding.

“Well, I saw your text...” She trails off. Not really sure where she’s going with it. Hating herself for being so afraid.

“And you couldn’t just text me back?” Lexa asks, her voice still gentle and calm, but clearly suspicious of Raven’s motives. 

Raven wants to open up. 

She does. She knows it usually helps her feel better, but she’s terrified. Terrified of the deep well of emotions that she rarely lets out. Terrified of her anger and sorrow and rage. Terrified that if she starts spilling out her feelings she won’t be able to stop. She’s terrified she’ll scare Lexa away with the mess that is her life. Lexa deserves so much more than having a friend who’s emotionally stunted and damaged. 

Lexa deserves better.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry I called.” She barely manages to get out, her voice gruff and thick. 

“Raven,” Lexa breathes out. “Please don’t shut me out. Tell me what’s going on.” Her voice is still gentle, but pleading and Raven feels herself starting to choke up.

“I want to. But I’m scared.” She whispers out, feeling anxious that she’s already revealed too much.

“What are you scared of?” Lexa asks softly.

“Ugh, I don’t even know.” Raven huffs, feeling frustrated at herself for being so confused.

“I know you’re scared Raven. And I won’t push you to tell me anything you’re not ready to. But you’re the one who called me, so obviously a part of you wants to talk about it.”

Raven knows that Lexa is right. She knows she needs to get this weight off her chest. So she takes a deep breath before she speaks.

“I fucking hate being home. I went to see my mom and it was awful. We got into this huge fight and I stormed out.”

“Where are you now?” Lexa asks, and Raven can hear the thinly veiled concern in her voice.

“At Sinclair’s. He still has my old room set up. I think he was expecting something like this to happen. His wife put fresh sheets on the bed. Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting. It always turns out the same with her.”

“I’m glad you’re not alone. That you’re somewhere safe.” Lexa says, and the raw emotion and concern in her voice has tears pricking at the corners of Raven’s eyes. “Did she...hurt you?” Lexa asks hesitantly, and Raven feels so shocked and caught off guard by the statement, that she can barely hold herself back.

“What? No! What the hell, Lexa?! Of course not! I would never let her do that to me!” Raven bursts out in anger, grateful that she’s able to stop herself from blurting out the word “again” at the end. 

“Raven, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Lexa rushes out, trying to back track. Her voice sounds so small and afraid, and god Raven is a fucking asshole.

“I’m sorry, Lex. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” Raven breathes out quickly, feeling guilty for responding so harshly.

“It’s okay Raven, I shouldn’t have pushed. I had no right to make that type of assumption. I’m sorry.” 

And Raven can’t handle Lexa apologizing or feeling guilty for one more thing that isn’t her fault.

“You’re assumption was right.” Raven barely manages to get out. Her voice is strained, her heart is racing and she feels like she’s going to be sick. She’s never admitted this out loud to anyone besides Sinclair, and she doesn’t even want to think about what it means that she’s revealing this information to Lexa. All she knows is that she trusts Lexa, and that for some reason she wants her to know. “She used to hit me and beat me almost every day when I lived with her. She’s only done it a few times since I moved away to college—during the summer I came home—but she hasn’t done it since then. I won’t let her.”

That last part is said quietly but resolutely, and Raven waits in nervous anticipation for Lexa to speak as the silence hangs heavy between them.

“I’m so sorry, Raven.” She breathes out, and Raven can hear the strain in her voice as she tries to hold back her emotions. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you. So thank you for trusting me. I hate what your mother did to you. It makes me feel sick. It’s one of the worst things a parent can do to their child, and I’m sorry you had to deal with something so horrible.”

“It’s not your fault.” Raven barely manages to get out through her tears, knowing it’s not really an adequate response, but unable to say more with the way Lexa’s words seem to be slowly chipping away at the walls she’s so carefully constructed over the years.

“I know, I’m just sorry you had to go through that. You deserve better, Raven.”

And god help her, Raven actually starts to believe her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think about Raven’s back story??? Any surprises you weren’t expecting?? Did you like the idea of Becca and Sinclair being her pseudo parents?? How adorable and heartbreaking was a mini, teenage Raven?? Thoughts on the Lexaven conversation at the end???
> 
> As always, feedback and kudos are welcomed and appreciated! The more feedback and kudos you leave, the more inspired I get to write. Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at: lexxaven


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Raven and Lexa’s bond continues to grow as the holiday season approaches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: We’re back to Lexa’s POV in this chapter. Also, sorry we are getting into the Christmas season in this story when spring is approaching in real life! I wrote this story awhile ago, and the college year structure with breaks was an important part of moving this story and Lexaven’s relationship forward. Hope you can still find a way to enjoy it!

Something shifts between them when they return from fall break. It’s like the time apart has only strengthened and solidified their bond. Their hugs last longer, they sit closer together, eat more meals together, study and spend more time together in general. Both of them use the excuse that finals are coming up and they have to finish their research project, but their friends start to tease them about being a couple. Raven just rolls her eyes, and Lexa scoffs, pretending to be upset and trying not to think about the fact that she’s starting to wish it was true.

They finish their final project and turn it in. Both of them feeling sad at what this means. They won’t have any classes together next semester. 

Now that Thanksgiving is over, the campus erupts in a flurry of Christmas decorations and events. Lexa knows that it’s kind of cheesy, but something about this time of year feels magical to her. The cooler weather, the sparkling lights and warm drinks and the way she gets to pull out all of her favorite sweaters and scarves. The weather at Stanford doesn’t get cold like it does in New York, but it’s just cool enough that Lexa can get away with wearing most of her light winter clothes. 

She convinces Raven to go to a Christmas themed bar crawl with her. Raven begrudgingly agrees and Lexa is honestly surprised because Raven absolutely loves stuff like that, and normally she’s the one trying to convince Lexa to go along with her. Lexa knows there’s more to the story and wants to ask Raven about it, but as usual she’s worried about pushing her too far, knowing she needs to wait for the right moment.

They’re at Indra’s apartment when Lexa decides to ask her about it. 

It’s Sunday afternoon and Lexa invites Raven over to make cookies and watch a movie, but when Raven shows up and sees that Lexa has picked out the movie Elf and has the kitchen set up to decorate Christmas cookies, she immediately becomes withdrawn and uncomfortable. She agrees to help Lexa with the cookies, but Lexa does most of the work while Raven leans against the counter, scrolling through her phone with a slight scowl on her face. The silence and tension between them is thick and a far cry from the holiday cheer Lexa was hoping for. She planned out today because she wanted to make Raven happy, and so far she seems to be failing miserably.

“Hey, Raven?” Lexa asks, feeling her own emotions and discomfort grow.

“Yeah?” Raven replies distractedly, still scrolling through her phone.

“Did I do something wrong?” Lexa asks quietly, unable to help the way her voice constricts at the end. 

“What?” Raven asks, looking up from her phone with genuine concern, and Lexa can’t help the emotion she feels at the way they’re finally able to connect. The whole thing reminding her of the night Raven told her about her mom. 

Lexa takes a deep breath to steady her emotions before responding. “Did I do something wrong?” She asks again, her voice still shaky and uncertain.

Raven gives her a sad look. “Of course not,” she says quietly, holding Lexa’s gaze and trying to reassure her. 

“Then what’s going on?” Lexa asks softly, and Raven just sighs, taking a deep breath before running her fingers through her hair. 

“I’m sorry for acting like such a jerk. It’s really nice that you did all this. It’s just...” She trails off, looking down at her feet and crossing her arms over her chest so she can grip her arms. It’s like she’s trying to hold herself together. She looks so small and defeated that all Lexa wants to do is go to her and wrap her up in a warm embrace, but she knows that will be too much, so she waits quietly and patiently for Raven to continue, knowing it’s difficult for her. 

“I don’t have a lot of experience with Christmas.” Raven says softly, her voice gravelly and thick with emotion. “I mean I’ve seen a few movies on tv and know what it’s supposed to be like, but lets just say that Christmas at the Reyes household was either nonexistent or a complete disaster.”

“Oh,” Lexa says just as softly, feeling stupid for not picking up on it sooner. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a grinch about everything.” Raven tries to joke, but it falls flat.

“It’s okay, Raven I get it. Before I moved in with Gustus and Aden I only had bad Christmases too.”

“Really?” Raven asks, looking somewhat relieved to not be alone in her feelings.

“Yeah,” Lexa says softly, stepping into Raven’s space and reaching for her hands. Searching for the familiar scar on Raven’s palm and tracing it with her thumb. “Most of the foster homes I lived in were overrun with too many kids to get more than just a single, standard gift. Some foster parents didn’t even offer gifts or celebrate. One Mormon house I lived in for a year didn’t celebrate any holidays at all. Besides what I had read in books or watched on tv, I never really knew what a real Christmas was like until the year Gustus adopted me.”

Raven gives her a sad and understanding look. “I’m sorry you had to go through that Lexa. You deserved better.” She says softly, tracing soothing circles on the back of Lexa’s hands. Lexa feels emotion welling up in her chest at Raven’s compassion and care, especially considering she seemed to fare much worse.

“You deserved better too.” Lexa says earnestly, hoping that Raven will believe her.

Raven just gives her a sad smile and a shrug. “It’s whatever. There’s no use in crying over something you never had and can’t change, right?” 

Raven tries to give her a smile, but her eyes are still sad, and it makes Lexa feel so heartbroken that someone as beautiful and amazing as Raven thinks she deserves so little and seems to have given up hope. Lexa vows right then and there that she’ll do whatever it takes to change that.

“What would you say to coming to New York with me for Christmas?” She asks, the idea suddenly springing into her head. She squeezes Raven’s hand in quiet anticipation, hoping she’ll agree.

“You want me to come to New York with you for Christmas? Won’t that be weird for your family?” She asks, her eyes filled with confusion and surprise.

“It won’t be weird at all. It’s just Gustus and Aden and honestly, with the strange hours Gustus has to work because of his job, it gets kind of boring hanging out with a twelve year old boy who’s only interest is playing video games all day.”

“Are you sure?” Raven asks, and Lexa can see the uncertainty and excitement in her eyes.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa replies softly, and her heart skips a beat when she sees Raven smiling at the familiar words.

“I’m sure.” Raven replies just as quietly, and when Raven tugs her hand and pulls her into a hug, all Lexa can do is smile and hug her back.

When they pull back from the hug, Raven is giving her this blinding white smile and she pulls Lexa by the hand to sit with her on the couch. Raven picks up the remote and starts the movie and Lexa feels giddy with the way Raven leans into her and continues to hold her hand. They get so caught up in laughing at the movie that they forget about the cookies in the oven, and when Lexa pulls out the charred candy canes and Christmas trees Raven just laughs.

****

They fly to New York for winter break. Lexa wanting to show Raven what a true Christmas in New York is like. Remembering her first Christmas with Aden and Gustus feeling magical and wanting that so badly for her friend.

Raven has never been flying before due to having such an isolated and abusive childhood, and Lexa is excited to be the one who gets to share the first time experience with her. Raven will never admit it, but Lexa can tell she’s nervous. She’s babbling and quoting stats about airplanes and bouncing her knee while the plane loads up and they get ready for take off. Lexa insisted on Raven having the window seat so she can get the full flying experience and she can’t help but smile at the way Raven points to the wing of the plane and talks about wind speed and aerodynamics. And yeah, Raven definitely did her research or just knows a lot about airplanes. Either way, Lexa’s not surprised. She loves nerdy Raven almost as much as soft and protective Raven, and definitely more than flirty and smug Raven.

Lexa tries not to laugh at how closely Raven pays attention to the flight attendant when she goes through the standard flight safety information and the emergency evacuation plan. Lexa has heard it so many times by now, that like most people she rarely pays attention. She can’t help but think about how cute Raven looks as she furrows her brow and bites her bottom lip. Watching intently as the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on an oxygen mask and locate the flotation device under her seat. When the preflight demonstration is over, the attendants find their seats and they get ready for take off. 

She feels Raven’s body tense beside her as the plane starts to move and taxi down the runway. Lexa turns to look at her and feels her heart clench as Raven double checks her seat belt before gripping the arm rest tightly and looking out the window. She’s never seen Raven look so nervous before, and all Lexa wants to do is reach out and comfort her. So that’s what she does. She reaches for Raven’s hand, settling her own on top of it and trying to pry her fingers away from the arm rest. Raven turns to look down at their hands before gazing up to meet Lexa’s eyes and Lexa’s heart flutters at the grateful smile Raven gives her and the way she turns her palm up so they can lace their fingers together. Lexa gives Raven’s hand a reassuring squeeze and a small smile back and she feels Raven’s body start to relax as she traces the familiar scar on Raven’s palm with her thumb. It’s almost become a habit at this point anytime they’re holding hands. 

Despite her initial fear, once they reach cruising altitude and are flying smoothly through the air, Raven ends up really enjoying the flight and Lexa loves it. She loves the way Raven looks out the window in awe as the sun and clouds pass by, and the way she continues to hold Lexa’s hand while she talks excitedly about weather patterns and atmospheric pressure. Lexa tries to hide her disappointment when the flight attendant comes around with the drink cart and Raven has to let go of her hand to take her drink and eat what she eventually deems as subpar peanuts. 

Lexa laughs when Raven tells her she’s going to convince the flight attendant to give them free mixed drinks by flirting with her. Initially, Lexa thinks she’s joking, but when the flight attendant passes by and Raven waves her down, Lexa realizes she’s serious. Lexa is surprised by the anger she feels bubbling up in her chest as Raven flirts and acts smug and successfully scores them some drinks. Lexa tries not to drink hers too quickly with the jealousy she feels after watching Raven flirt with another woman. Logically she knows the flirting is meaningless on Raven’s part, but she still can’t help the jealousy she feels. It’s only quelled by the way Raven smiles at her affectionately and grips her hand nervously as the plane descends and lands. As they exit the plane, Lexa makes sure to loop her arm with Raven’s and give the flight attendant a scowl as they leave, and she tries not to think about what it all means.

They take a cab from the airport to Gustus’s apartment in Greenwich Village. Raven is quite almost the whole way there, and Lexa can’t tell if it’s because she’s just taking in the city or if something else is going on. She knows taking a trip like this is new to Raven and she’s experiencing a lot of first. First time flying, first time on the east coast, first time in New York, first time seeing snow and being in such cold weather. Lexa can’t imagine how overwhelming it all must be, especially for someone like Raven who’s always so knowledgeable about everything and likes to know and feel confident about what’s going on. Despite how good she is at improvising and going with the flow, Lexa knows Raven doesn’t like walking into any situation she’s doesn’t feel prepared for. The experience of being such a fish out of water undoubtedly making her feel uneasy.

Lexa tries to distract her by pointing out different sights and landmarks as they drive past them, and for the most part it seems to work. Raven starts to ask some of her own questions, looking excitedly as Lexa points things out, adding in some of her own knowledge based on things she’s read about or seen on movies and tv. 

When they arrive at the apartment building, Lexa starts to feel excited about finally being home. Raven unloads their luggage as Lexa pays the cab driver and they both stand on the sidewalk staring up at the tall glass and brick apartment building towering in front of them. Raven stands beside her in awe, and Lexa can’t help but smile at the way her eyes go wide and her mouth hangs slightly open as she takes it all in.

“You ready?” Lexa asks, unable to hide the excited anticipation she feels.

“Yeah,” Raven replies, giving Lexa a small smile before reaching for her hand.

Lexa’s heart skips a beat at the contact, and she tries to ignore the fluttering in her chest as she leads Raven into the building and up the elevator. 

The apartment is a rustic two-story loft with hard wood floors, brick walls, and exposed beams. There’s a floor to ceiling wall of windows that looks out over the city, and a large patio and garden space outside that they have access to as well. It’s a nice apartment that Lexa knows they’re lucky to have considering how expensive real estate is in New York. She knows part of the reason they’re able to afford it is because Gustus’s security firm has been very successful over the years and that he got a good deal on the apartment because he runs security for the entire building. 

Lexa introduces Raven to Gustus and Aden and is surprised when she acts quiet and shy. It’s a far cry from her normally snarky and confident self and Lexa knows her well enough by now to know there’s more going on. She decides that once she and Raven are alone she’ll try to get her to talk about it.

The sleeping arrangements are limited and Lexa and Raven end up having to share Lexa’s bed in her childhood bedroom. There really are no other options. The loft is large and spacious, but as is common with most New York apartments, has very few bedrooms. Only enough for Gustus, Lexa, and Aden to each have their own. Technically Raven could sleep on the couch in the living room, but Gustus is an early riser and Lexa knows Raven hates waking up early. Plus, Raven’s back and ribs are still sensitive at times, even though for the most part she’s healed since the attack occurred three months ago and she’s been functioning normally for about a month now. Lexa has a full bed but offers to sleep on the couch or an air mattress on her bedroom floor, not wanting to make Raven feel uncomfortable. Raven of course tells her she’s being stupid and that they can just share the bed. Lexa supposes it’s not all that different than sleeping in tight quarters in the rover, but something about the idea of sleeping with Raven in her childhood bed just does something to her. 

She distracts herself from the thought by giving Raven a small tour of her bedroom and the attached bathroom, showing her where everything is and telling her to make herself at home. Raven just gazes around the room with a slightly sad and serious look on her face and gives Lexa a nod, before going over to her suitcase to start unpacking. Lexa does the same, knowing that Raven will need the distraction between them if she’s going to open up to her. A heavy silence settles between them and Lexa is trying to think of the right words to say, not wanting to scare Raven away.

“Raven, hey, is everything okay?” She asks, continuing to unpack her suitcase, making sure not to focus too much of her attention on her. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Raven asks dully, as she continues going through her suitcase.

“I don’t know, you’ve just been acting kind of different. Is something wrong?”

“What? Oh, it’s nothing.” Raven says as she opens one of the empty drawers Lexa told her she could use and places some clothes inside.

Lexa just lets out a long sigh, wondering if they’ll ever be past this. Of Raven hiding her struggles and emotions away from her and Lexa having to pry them out of her. Lexa knows it’s nothing she’s doing that’s causing Raven to distrust her. That Raven is damaged and wounded from having such an abusive childhood and has few people she’s been able to trust and rely on for support in her life. Raven spent years stuffing down her own feelings and walking on egg shells around her mom. Living with a constant feeling of fear and mistrust as a way to survive. And even though Raven no longer needs to be in survival mode with Lexa, it’s a gut instinct for her to go into survival mode anytime feelings of fear or uncertainty arise. Lexa knows Raven must be feeling fearful and out of place, remembering how she felt when she first moved in with Gustus and Aden. She wasn’t used to being around a kind and functional family, and it made her feel uncomfortable and afraid. 

“I can tell something’s bothering you Raven. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“I’m not, it’s just...” She trails off having difficulty explaining herself. “I don’t know, it’s stupid.” Raven finishes walking back over to the bed.

“Raven, if something’s bothering you, it’s not stupid. You can tell me. You know I’m not going to judge you.” Lexa says softly, stepping into Raven’s space and reaching for her hands.

“I don’t know, it’s just I feel weird. Being here with you and your family for Christmas. I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re all so nice and caring and this is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me, but it just feels weird. I’m not used to this and it all feels so strange. Being in a nice home, having people who care about me and are trying to make me feel comfortable. It’s strange. I don’t know if that makes any sense?” Raven finishes, biting her bottom lip and giving Lexa an uncertain look.

“It makes perfect sense.” Lexa says reassuringly, wanting Raven to know that she understands. “I felt the same way the first Christmas I spent here. It was weird being around something so normal and functional that I had only read about in books or seen on TV. I felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong. It made me feel sad and lonely.”

And Lexa knows she’s said the right thing when Raven gives her a watery smile and leans into her for a hug. “Thank you.” Raven whispers into her hair, tightening her arms around Lexa’s waist.

“Of course,” Lexa says quietly, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I just...” Raven trails off, her voice filling with emotion, “I just don’t want to let you down.” 

Lexa pulls back quickly from the hug, taking in Raven’s tears and the sad look on her face. She reaches out her hands to rub Raven’s shoulders, trying to offer her some comfort. “Raven,” she says earnestly. “You could never let me down. Why would you even think that?”

Raven just shrugs and gives her a sad smile. “I don’t know, because I’m a grinch.” She tries to joke, but the sadness in her voice is too strong. “Because I’m emotionally stunted and don’t know how to do Christmas. You deserve to have a good Christmas Lex, and the last thing I want to do is ruin it for you by being moody and sad.” And Lexa’s heart clenches painfully in her chest as she tries to hold back the tears that are quickly forming in her eyes.

“You could never ruin Christmas for me, Raven. You’ve already made it better just by being here.”

“Even if I’m moody and weird?” Raven asks quietly, blinking back her tears, a mixture of uncertainty and hope in her eyes.

“Even if you’re moody and weird.” Lexa confirms. “I don’t need you to be perfect or happy all the time Raven. I just need you to be yourself, no matter what that is. I know it might feel weird or sad sometimes, but I promise you I’m going to show you what it’s like to have a real Christmas. A happy Christmas. A Christmas you deserve.” 

Raven starts to tear up again and leans into Lexa’s arms, and Lexa just holds her close and comforts her.

“Thank you, Lex. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“More than you’ll ever know.” Lexa replies, meaning the words wholeheartedly.

****

They eat dinner with Gustus and Aden in the living room in front of the TV. 

Normally Gustus has them eat at the kitchen table, but instead he orders some pizzas and even puts out beer for Lexa and Raven to drink. It really surprises Lexa, because she just turned twenty-one this year and she’s never really had alcohol in front of him, but she knows that Gustus has a way of making people feel comfortable and at ease so she just goes with it. Lexa had warned Gustus about Raven’s past and possible discomfort, not wanting to break Raven’s trust or go into a lot of detail, but knowing she needed to make Gustus aware. Lexa trusts Gustus not to say anything, and is grateful for the effort he’s putting into making Raven feel more comfortable. The dinner is casual and relaxed and Raven seems to relax as well. 

They eat dinner and watch tv and once the dishes are all cleared away, Gustus offers to take all of them into the city tomorrow to explore. Lexa and Raven both agree and Lexa feels happy over Raven’s genuine interest and excitement. They continue to watch tv, but when it starts to get late Gustus and Aden decide to head to bed, leaving Lexa and Raven alone. 

They decide to stay up late, both of them more used to later bed times from being at college. Honestly, Lexa is kind of glad because the idea of having Raven sleeping in her bed is starting to make her feel nervous. It’s no secret that Lexa’s feelings have been slowly developing into something more for Raven. But Raven is her best friend who’s been there for her through so much and the last thing she wants to do is jeopardize that by falling for her when she doesn’t know if Raven feels the same way back. And even if she does, the idea of risking their friendship for a relationship that could end in heartbreak is too scary for Lexa to even think about. 

Raven is sitting closer to her now. Having moved into Lexa’s space so they can share a blanket. Despite how nice the apartment is it can still get drafty in the winter, and Lexa revels in the warmth of their bodies gently pressed together and snuggled under the blanket. Their arms and legs are touching, and their feet seem to have tangled together. Lexa shivers when their hands brush against each other under the blanket, and her pulse starts to race when she feels Raven’s warm hand smooth across her own before she laces their fingers together.

Lexa tries to pay attention to what they’re watching. She does. But the way Raven is leaning into her and gently stroking the back of her hand with her thumb is distracting. She can’t help but wonder what it all means. She knows they’ve held hands before to offer each other comfort and support. But for some reason this feels different. It’s like they’re holding hands simply for the sake of holding hands and she doesn’t know what that means. Lexa doesn’t have much time to think about it though, because soon Raven is pressing even further into her side and leaning her head down to rest on Lexa’s shoulder. Raven’s warm body presses and sinks into her and Lexa suddenly realizes what’s happening. 

They’re cuddling.

They’re actually cuddling. 

Lexa tries to relax, knowing Raven will be able to sense her tension and not wanting to ruin the moment between them with an awkward conversation. Raven squeezes her hand and giggles against her shoulder at something on the tv and Lexa’s breath hitches when she feels the vibration go through her. It makes her feel all warm and tingly inside, and there’s something about feeling Raven so relaxed and unguarded and snuggled up against her that just does something to Lexa. She knows Raven isn’t really the type of person who just cuddles with people and she tries not to think about what it means that Raven is doing it with her. Plenty of close friends cuddle platonically with each other, and Lexa just needs to calm down, and god she really is a useless lesbian.

“You ready for bed?” Raven asks, shaking Lexa from her thoughts. She lifts up her head and meets Lexa with sleepy eyes and a sleepy smile, and their faces are so close that Lexa has to remind herself to breathe.

“Yeah.” Lexa breathes out, relieved that her voice comes out fairly normal.

Raven stands up and stretches, revealing part of her toned stomach before reaching out a hand to help Lexa up. “Come on,” She says through a yawn, continuing to hold out her hand.

All Lexa can do is stare and wordlessly grab Raven’s hand, trying to use the leverage to help herself stand up. Their timing must be off, because Lexa is suddenly on her feet but off balance and she almost falls until Raven steadies her with both hands on her hips. Lexa’s breath hitches when Raven’s warm hands accidentally slip up under the hem of her shirt and press against the bare skin of her stomach and hips. Their bodies are practically flush, and their faces are so close that Lexa can feel Raven’s warm breath as it ghosts across her skin. She swears she sees Raven’s eyes dart down to her lips before meeting her with a heavy lidded gaze, and there’s a beat where Lexa thinks they actually might kiss.

But then Raven is pulling back, dropping her hands from Lexa’s waist and offering her a small smile instead. “Lets go to bed.” She says softly, and Lexa just nods and leads the way, too afraid of what her voice will sound like if she tries speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you guys think! I hope you enjoyed it and love reading feedback. There are more Lexaven sexy times ahead!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Raven continue to deepen their bond. They explore New York City and Raven opens up to Lexa about more of her painful past. Feelings and sexual tension ensue. ***Trigger Warning for mentions of drugs, alcohol, prostitution and past abuse. There is no sexual abuse or anything of that nature regarding Raven, so you don’t need to worry if that’s a trigger for you. You’ll be able to tell when that part of the story is coming based on the conversation Lexaven are having. If you want to skip it, scroll down to the next page break marked by four stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback! Here’s another chapter for you before the weekend is over. I love this chapter, but it was really difficult for me to write and I’m not sure it turned out very well. I wrote it and rewrote it multiple times, and tried as hard as I could to make it good. I just want to do this part of the story justice, and I hope it comes across the way that I’m hoping it will. Anyway, keep in mind some of the conversation at the end of this chapter parallels the conversation Raven and Lexa had in chapter 7, but the roles are reversed here. Just incase it seems a little out of character.

Once they’re in Lexa’s room, Lexa is quick to grab her pajamas and make her way into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. She takes a deep breath when she’s finally alone, quickly shedding and folding her clothes before changing into her pajamas. When she looks at what she’s wearing, she wishes she would have grabbed something different. Her cut off tank top and too short gym shorts leaving her feeling extremely exposed. 

She doesn’t know why she’s so worked up. Raven has seen her in this exact outfit, and it never bothered Lexa before. But she knows something has shifted between them now, and after their moment by the couch, she’s not sure if it’s entirely one sided like she thought. She goes over to the sink, looks at her flushed cheeks in the mirror and quickly turns on the cold water, wetting a washcloth and pressing the cool liquid to her face. She finally feels herself calming down so she dries off her face, and gives herself a stern look in the mirror. She can do this, it’s just Raven, her best friend. She decides to brush her teeth before leaving, hoping it will help to further calm her down. 

When she’s finished she makes her way to the bathroom door, opening it slowly before stepping into the room. She looks over to find Raven has changed into her pajamas and all of her confidence from before quickly flies out the window when she takes her in. Raven is wearing a pair of short, red boxer briefs that show off her toned legs and ass, as well as a tight Queen t-shirt that’s worn and practically see through. She looks so hot and amazing and Lexa feels a jolt of arousal between her thighs when she realizes Raven isn’t wearing a bra. 

Raven gives her a smile, completely unaware of Lexa’s reaction, and Lexa tries to smile back, but all she can manage to do is dart her eyes away and squeeze her thighs together, trying to relieve some of the tension. She makes her way over to her side of the bed and turns on the bedside lamp before walking over to turn off the overhead light. When she turns back to the bed, she’s relieved to find that Raven is now in the bathroom, no doubt going through her nightly routine. 

Lexa quickly makes her way under the covers, wanting to avoid any added awkwardness that could occur from having to get into the bed with Raven in the room. She rolls over thinking she’ll just pretend to be asleep, but quickly realizes the flaw in her plan. The lamp is on her side of the bed, and if she turns it off now, Raven will be forced to find her way to the bed in the dark. Lexa seriously considers it for a few seconds before realizing how rude and inconsiderate it is and how ridiculous she’s being. She’s slept in close quarters with Raven before in the rover. But something about them sleeping in her bed after everything that’s happened tonight and with how aroused she’s feeling makes this all feel so different.

Raven comes out of the bathroom fresh faced and chestnut hair flowing wild and tossed mainly over one shoulder. She looks so beautiful and Lexa watches breathlessly as Raven makes her way over to the bed and slips under the covers. And god, Lexa really remembers this bed being a lot bigger. She can feel Raven’s warmth as she settles next to her, and tries to ignore the way her pulse starts to race when she feels Raven’s bare leg brush against her own. 

“You ready?” Lexa manages to get out, reaching for the lamp and congratulating herself for sounding fairly normal.

“Yeah,” Raven says through a yawn, before giving Lexa a sleepy smile, and Lexa quickly turns off the lamp and slips even further under the covers. She rolls onto her side giving Raven her back, unable to deal with the way Raven is looking at her.

They’re laying in Lexa’s bed trying to fall asleep. And honestly, Lexa doesn’t know how she’s supposed to sleep when she’s feeling so turned on and the girl she’s been heavily crushing on is laying in her bed a few inches away wearing a see through t-shirt and a pair of red boxer briefs. She can’t stop thinking about the fact that Raven is actually the first girl she’s ever had in her bed. Despite having been in a relationship with Costia, the two of them had only had sex a handful of times and all of those times were either in Costia’s bedroom or the backseat of cars. Lexa having been too much of a rule follower at the time to actually risk having sex with Costia in her own bed. 

When Costia died at the end of Lexa’s junior year in high school, she had mourned her over the summer and when her senior year started, she threw herself into academics trying to forget about her grief, and remaining celibate until she got to college. During her first year of college she still hadn’t felt healed enough to be open to a new relationship, but by the second year, she’d finally felt ready to attempt dating again. After a few failed attempts, Lexa started to get the hang of things, and actually found she was able to enjoy herself. She decided to just have fun, not looking for anything too serious, knowing she wasn’t ready for it yet. She hooked up with quite a few girls during that time, most of them only one night stands, but she felt liberated to be exploring her sexuality. After almost a year of dating and sleeping around Lexa decided to stop. Anya teasing her that despite a year of exploring her sexuality, she was still too obsessed with academics and only managed to sleep with four girls. 

Regardless of Anya’s opinions about her sexual prowess and academics, Lexa had resolved that the next time she had sex with someone would be when she was in a committed relationship with them. Lexa wasn’t actively looking for someone. In fact, she’d spent the summer after that year studying and taking extra classes. But when the school year started and she met Raven, everything changed. 

“Hey, are you okay? You seem tense.” Raven says softly, smoothing a hand across Lexa’s back. Raven’s touch is soothing and gentle, pulling Lexa back to the present moment, causing her pulse to race and her heart to flutter.

Raven is turned on her side facing Lexa, and Lexa can’t help but turn so they’re laying face to face. She can still make out Raven’s features, the moonlight streaming through the window bathing them in a blue glow. Her brown eyes are filled with concern, and Lexa has no idea what comes over her but she reaches for Raven’s hand and holds it in the space between them, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lexa says just as softly, not wanting to break the quiet moment between them. “I’m just not used to having someone sleeping in my bed with me.” Which is true, because she isn’t. But it’s not all of the truth, and Lexa wishes she could be brave and take the chance to tell Raven how she really feels, but she can’t. Raven deserves to experience a real Christmas, and the last thing she needs is for Lexa to ruin it by confessing her feelings. Especially when they’re on the other side of the country and Raven has nowhere to escape to if Lexa’s admission sends her running. 

“Yeah, I’m not really used to sharing a bed with anyone either.” Raven says quietly, giving her an understanding look before gently stroking the back of her hand. It’s comforting and calming and Lexa releases a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding, feeling herself start to relax as her nerves begin to fade away. 

They’re both just laying there, holding each other’s gaze. Lexa feels surprisingly comfortable and relaxed, a far cry from earlier. She’s stroking the jagged scar on Raven’s palm, and she’s hit with the sudden urge to know the story behind hit. 

“How did you get this?” Lexa asks, surprising herself with her boldness as she turns Raven’s hand palm up and continues tracing the scar.

Raven tenses up at first, and Lexa worries she’s pushed her too far. Raven has already been so far out of her comfort zone today, and asking her to share something so personal might be too much.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Lexa says quickly, offering her an out. 

“No, I want to.” Raven says softly; the sad and lost look in her eyes telling Lexa that she needs to brace herself.

Lexa just grips her hand and nods, trying to prepare herself for what she’s about to hear.

“You know how I told you my mom had problems with drinking and doing drugs?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a questioning look.

Lexa nods and rubs Raven’s hand, encouraging her to continue.

“Well, the part I didn’t tell you about is that sometimes she would trade sex for money so she could use it to buy drugs or booze.”

Lexa tightens her grip, already feeling a sense of dread over where this story is heading. She’s surprised by how unaffected Raven seems to be, but she guesses she should expect it. Raven had to normalize so many horrible parts of her childhood in order to survive, and it makes sense that she’s able to disconnect from it.

“During my first year of high school, my mom started bringing around this cop. I thought it was weird since she was into a lot of illegal stuff, but it’s not like my mom always made smart decisions when it came to that kind of shit. I’d seen all kinds of men come around from doctors and lawyers, to pastors and construction workers all just looking for the same thing. At first I thought the cop was just coming around so my mom could sleep with him for money. But then he started hanging around after to drink with her. I thought it was kinda weird, but plenty of guys get lonely and will pay for the company, so I didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until I came home late from school one day, and saw him giving her drugs, that I realized they were getting high together. Apparently the guy was a dirty cop who was stealing drugs from the dealers he arrested and selling them on the side instead of turning them in like he was supposed to.”

“That’s awful.” Lexa says, still trying to process everything Raven has shared. 

“Yeah, I mean until then I thought cops were good guys, but this guy really changed my mind about that.” She says that last part through gritted teeth, a far off look in her eyes, and Lexa knows there’s more to the story.

“What happened?” Lexa asks softly, rubbing the back of Raven’s hand in an attempt to offer her some comfort.

“At first, nothing. Most of the time I just tried to stay out of sight and out of mind. Anytime he came over, I would lock myself in my room and try to avoid them both. My mom always got slap happy when she was high, especially when she was on the coke he was giving her. I wasn’t sure what he was like, but I wasn’t about to hang around and find out. So I hid in my room while they got drunk and high, and for the most part it worked. Both of them were more interested in the drugs and booze than me anyway, and I was fine with that. But one night, that all changed.” Raven says quietly. That lost look is back and Lexa almost wants to tell her to stop, afraid of the horrible story she knows she’s about to hear, but she doesn’t, knowing it’s important for Raven to get this out.

“What happened?” Lexa asks softly again, hoping she isn’t pushing Raven too far. Raven just sighs and takes a deep breath before continuing.

“What happened is that I was stupid.” Her voice is so harsh and her body is so tense, and the dark and angry look in her eyes causes Lexa’s heart to clench painfully in her chest. Lexa doesn’t know what to say to break her out of her angry trance so she offers her physical comfort instead. She traces the scar on Raven’s palm before slipping her fingers down to rub a soothing pattern on the inside of her wrist. She alternates between both movements and after several minutes it seems to have the desired effect, Raven’s whole body relaxes and her eyes soften and become more clear. 

“Raven, if this is hurting you, we don’t have to keep doing this. I know I asked, and I’m okay with whatever you want to share. But if it’s too much for you, then I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this for me.”

“No, Lexa. I’m not. I’m telling you this because I want to. You’re my friend and you asked me about it and I want to be able to share things like this with you. I’m not going to let what this asshole did stop me from being honest. As long as you’re still okay with it?” She asks, an apprehensive look in her eyes.

“Of course. I’m here for you no matter what.” Lexa says earnestly, wanting Raven to know she can trust her. Raven takes a deep breath and lets out a shaky sigh before continuing. 

“I left my science book out on the coffee table one night after studying in the living room. I forgot to grab it when the cop came over, but I really needed it to study for a test I had the next day. So I decided to just suck it up and go out there and get it. When I got out there my mom and the cop were sitting on the couch and the coffee table was covered in open bottles of booze and lines of coke. They were both drunk and high, and started complaining and making shitty comments to me when I was looking around. I tried to ignore them, all I wanted was to find my book and get the hell out of there. I finally found it on the floor, partially hidden under the table and I was relieved to finally be able to get it and leave. But when I bent over to reach for the book I lost my balance and fell, bumping into the coffee table on the way. It ended up knocking over their booze which then spilled all over their drugs and ruined them. Let’s just say they didn’t take it so well.” Raven says, her eyes darkening and her grip on Lexa’s hand tightening. 

“What did they do?” Lexa asks shakily, afraid of what she’s about to hear.

“They got mad.” She says roughly, before taking a deep breath. “Like really fucking mad. I didn’t even have time to take in what was going on and before I knew it, the cop was standing over me, drunk and high and out of his mind with rage, holding a broken beer bottle and coming for my face. I put my hand up to block him out of reflex, and then suddenly there was blood everywhere and I was screaming out in pain and I realized that he’d stabbed me in the hand. I’d never seen so much blood before and I honestly thought I was gong to die. I don’t know if my mom and the cop didn’t notice or if they did and just didn’t care, but I barely managed to grab my book and get out of there before the cop came at me again.”

Lexa’s heart is racing, feeling sickened by the vivid picture Raven is painting for her. Unable to help her own anxiety and fear for a young Raven who was forced to deal with something so terrifying, and needing to know what happened to her next. “What did you do?”

“I ran to my room as fast as I could. I knew I was getting blood everywhere, but at that point I didn’t fucking care. I just wanted to get away. When I finally made it to my room I ran in and locked the door as quickly as I could. The cop was right behind me and I barely made it inside before he was screaming and banging on the door. Thankfully I’d installed a deadbolt on the door a few years earlier when my mom started bringing more guys around. Eventually he went away when he realized he wasn’t getting in, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for that deadbolt he would have gotten in and who knows what the hell would have happened then.” Raven finishes, letting out a long sigh and struggling to meet Lexa’s eyes.

“I’m glad he didn’t get in.” Lexa says softly, feeling at a loss for words. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that Raven, it sounds terrifying.”

“It was scary at the time and sucked, but I got through it. Just like I always do.” Raven replies, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she gives Lexa a sad smile.

And god, Lexa hates how sad and broken Raven looks. Hates the people in Raven’s life who didn’t protect her the way they were supposed to. Hates the dirty cop who sold her mom drugs and almost took her life. But Raven doesn’t need her hatred and anger right now, no matter how righteous they may be. So Lexa swallows down her own emotions, and focuses on offering Raven comfort and support instead. “What happened to your hand?” She asks softly, carefully tracing the scar and doing her best not to cry.

“I was able to stop the bleeding by using a first aid kit I had hidden under my bed and a few tricks I learned from health class. You know, cleaning out the wound, applying pressure, elevating it above the heart. I had lost so much blood though that I ended up passing out on my bedroom floor, and didn’t wake up until the next morning. By then the cop was gone and my mom was passed out and I was just glad the whole thing was over.”

“Raven, I’m so sorry. That’s horrible.” Lexa replies, trying to hold back her tears. Knowing the words are an understatement, but unable to say more through the emotions and heartbreak she feels.

“It was rough.” Raven acknowledges with a sigh. “I probably should have gone to the hospital to get stitches. Looking back now I guess I could have and maybe I would have gotten out of that house sooner. But back then I was too afraid of what my mom would do to me if she found out. Especially because I knew she had slept with some doctors and I thought that if I saw one of them there then they would tell on me and there would be hell to pay at home. Obviously knowing what I know now, it was stupid to think that, but that’s what I thought at the time. I didn’t know any different. I was too afraid of my mom.”

“That must have been scary.” Again, it’s an understatement, but Lexa doesn’t want to push Raven too far, and she’s too shocked and horrified to have much else to say.

“Yeah, I mean the cop never came back after that. I don’t know if he had a wake up call after realizing how far he’d gone or if he decided seeing my mom wasn’t worth the trouble. Part of me wanted to believe that my mom actually stood up for me and sent him packing, but when she slapped me the next day and sent me to my room, after telling me she wished I was never born, I knew that wasn’t the case. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, her drugs and booze were always more important. Guess she doesn’t win any mother of the year awards.” Raven tries to joke, letting out a disappointed sigh, and Lexa doesn’t miss the few stray tears that escape her eyes. She’s unable to stop herself from reaching out and wiping them away, letting her hand linger so she can gently cup and stroke Raven’s cheek.

“Raven I...” Lexa trails off, not knowing what to say. The story is so heartbreaking and horrifying that it leaves her feeling speechless and sick to her stomach, and Lexa tries not to think about how many terrifying nights like that Raven had to live through. 

“Sorry, if that was too much. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Raven says softly, reaching up for Lexa’s hand on her cheek and moving it to hold it in the space between them. “I know my past is kind of intense and can be a lot to deal with, and I didn’t mean to upset you or burden you with it.” 

Raven sounds so guilty and ashamed, and her eyes look so anguished and lost, and all Lexa wants to do is make it go away.

“It’s not too much,” Lexa manages to get out without crying. Knowing that Raven needs her to be strong right now—needs Lexa to be able to handle what she’s sharing. And while Lexa may be breaking into a million pieces inside, heartbroken over all her friend has had to suffer through, she knows it’s nothing in comparison to what Raven actually felt when she was going through it. That last thought giving her the strength she needs to get through this. “Never apologize for being honest with me about the painful things that have happened to you, Raven. I care about you and I want you to be able to share those things with me, no matter how heartbreaking it might be. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserved better. I don’t know how you made it through all of that, I don’t think I could have survived what you did.” 

“Of course you could have, Lexa. You’re one of the strongest people I know. It’s not like you had an easy childhood either.”

Lexa tries to ignore that last part. Knowing that while her childhood was difficult and she went through her fair share of foster parents who gave her a few knocks and didn’t always provide for her needs, it all seems like nothing compared to the nightmare that Raven had to live through. Especially considering Lexa got out of her circumstance and was put in a loving and supportive home with Gustus. Whereas Raven never got out until she left for college and is still not completely out since her mom is still in her life.

“We’re both strong to have survived what we did.” Raven says pulling Lexa from her thoughts, and Lexa just nods, not wanting to continue down the road of comparing traumas. Knowing that trauma affects each person differently.

“Is that why you didn’t want to call the cops when everything happened with Brett?” Lexa asks quietly, finally feeling like she’s putting the pieces together to make sense of Raven’s past behavior.

“Yeah,” Raven rasps out, looking down at their joined hands, and Lexa can see the shame and embarrassment on her face. “I know it was stupid and illogical, especially since I only had a bad experience with one cop. But ever since then I just don’t trust them.”

“Hey, stop. It’s not stupid it makes sense.” Lexa says softly, gently tracing the scar on Raven’s palm. “If I went through what you went through I wouldn’t trust the police either.” 

Raven just sighs and looks at their hands, tracing the ridges of Lexa’s knuckles with her thumb.

“You know it’s not your fault right? What happened to you was on him not you.” Lexa says softly, knowing she might be over stepping, but unable to bear the thought of Raven blaming herself.

“I know it wasn’t my fault, but if I had just been more careful and not left my book out there, or not bumped into the table, then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten this.” Raven says, motioning to the scar on her hand. “It’s ugly.” She says brokenly and it makes Lexa feel sick.

“It’s not ugly Raven, it’s just a reminder of who you are.” Raven frowns, trying to pull away, but Lexa grips her hand tighter, realizing Raven has misinterpreted her words. “I don’t mean it in a bad way, Raven. When I looked at your hand before all I saw was a scar, but now when I look at it I think of your story. I think about how strong and brave you were back then and how strong and brave you are now. You survived so many difficult and scary things, and kept going when most people would have just given up. But you didn’t give up. You’re strong and you’re here and I’ll never stop being grateful for that.” 

“Lexa—” Raven breathes out shakily, clearly emotional and on the brink of tears, unable to say anything else.

“You can blame yourself for surviving, but not for this.” Lexa says, tracing over the scar. “It wasn’t your fault Raven, it was his. What happened to not focusing on the could haves or should haves?” Lexa says sternly, forcing Raven to meet her eyes. “You’re not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior, Raven. No matter how much you wish you could have stopped it. You can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control. Just because something could have turned out differently doesn’t mean it’s your fault that it didn’t.”

Lexa can tell the familiar words are like a healing balm, and Raven gives Lexa a grateful look with tears in her eyes. “You’re right.” She says softly. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Damn right.” Lexa says just as softly, giving Raven a small smile. Her heart flutters when Raven gives her a small smile back before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Lexa’s forehead.

“Thank you.” Raven whispers into the space between them, the emotion thick in her voice. 

“Of course.” Lexa whispers back, unable to stop herself from lifting Raven’s hand up to her lips and pressing a gentle kiss to her scar. 

Raven just gives Lexa this watery smile, before scooting closer so they can more comfortably hold hands. 

They lay close together, sharing the same pillow as their foreheads gently press together. Lexa watches breathlessly as Raven struggles to keep her eyes open. She feels herself falling asleep too, the exhaustion from the day finally catching up with her. She closes her eyes and breathes in the faint scent of Raven’s minty breath and coconut shampoo and tries not to think about what it all means. They both whisper out quiet goodnights, and then there’s no more talking. Just soft sighs, and steady breaths as they hold each other’s hands and fall asleep.

****

They wake up the next morning in a tangle of limbs. 

At first Lexa is confused, but when she realizes what’s going on she can’t help the way she shivers at the warmth of Raven’s skin. They’re tangled together so intimately, and it’s awkward and amazing and Lexa can’t help but feel incredibly aroused. Their bodies are pressed together tightly as Raven spoons her from behind. Lexa revels in the soft press of Raven’s breasts against her back, and the way her hips fit so perfectly against her ass, and the way her strong arms wrap around Lexa’s waist and keep their bodies close. 

It’s perfect. 

Lexa shivers when she realizes that Raven’s hand is splayed against the bare skin of her stomach and that one of her thighs is slotted snugly between her own. The way Raven’s warm breath ghosts across the back of her neck, and the way her thigh is so close to putting pressure exactly where Lexa wants it is almost more than she can take. Lexa feels herself getting wet, desperately needing some friction, and all she would have to do is scoot down a few inches, and oh god. If Lexa doesn’t get out of this situation quickly she’s not sure she’s going to be able to control herself. 

Thankfully Raven still seems to be fast asleep, completely unaware of what’s going on. But when Lexa starts to move, Raven only tightens her hold, bringing their bodies even closer together and burying her face in the back of Lexa’s neck until her warm lips press against sensitive skin. Lexa’s whole body breaks out in goosebumps and her breath hitches when she feels Raven’s hips arch forward, pressing into her ass, as her hand smooths up Lexa’s stomach until she’s practically cupping her breast. Lexa’s heart starts to race and her nipples stiffen, and she’s so hot and so turned on that she tries to bite down the strangled moan at how amazing it all feels.

Apparently she does a bad job, because the noise stirs Raven awake and she breathes out a husky “Lexa?” against the back of her neck. The warmth of her breath and lips and the vibrations of her words send a jolt of arousal straight to Lexa’s clit.

And oh, god. Lexa knows at this point her underwear are ruined. 

“Yeah?” Lexa asks breathily, not sure of what else she should do. Not wanting to bring more attention to the awkward situation they’re in. Thankfully Raven seems to realize the compromising position they’re in and quickly untangles herself before rolling over to lay on her back and put some much needed space between them. 

“Sorry,” Raven says, her voice still low and gravelly from sleep and her breathing coming out more ragged than before. Lexa swears she hears a slight edge in her voice, and maybe Lexa’s feelings aren’t so one sided after all.

“It’s okay.” Lexa replies, voice equally as strained.

“Do you think we should head downstairs?” Raven asks, clearly trying to draw attention away from the situation at hand and Lexa breathes out a sigh of relief.

“Yeah, I’m gonna use the bathroom first though.”

“Okay,” Raven replies. “I’m gonna put something a little more decent on. I doubt Gustus or Aden will want to see me in this.” She says looking down at her clothes and drawing Lexa’s attention with it. And Lexa is once again reminded of the fact that Raven is braless, the reality only more obvious in the bright morning light, and she tries not to drool over the sight of Raven’s abs and the deep v on her hips where her shirt has ridden up.

Lexa must be staring longer than she thinks, because Raven is clearing her throat and pulling her shirt down and when Lexa looks up to see her face, her eyes are slightly hooded and her cheeks are lightly flushed.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Lexa says awkwardly, quickly getting up and ruffling through her drawers to find a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt, making sure to grab a bra and secretly slip a new pair of underwear into the bundle of clothes. She quickly makes her way into the bathroom, mortified by the way she was caught staring and immediately going to the sink so she can splash cold water on her face. It does little to relieve the flush on her cheeks and the ache between her legs and Lexa seriously considers getting herself off to release some of the tension. But when she actually thinks about going through with it, the utter embarrassment and shame she feels about getting herself off in her bathroom while Raven is right outside her door, is enough to tamper down her arousal. 

Lexa takes a deep breath and changes, hoping her feelings aren’t as obvious as they seem.

****

They eat breakfast together and it’s nice. The awkward tension between her and Raven is gone.

Gustus makes them a big breakfast of eggs and bacon along with coffee, toast, and fresh fruit. Everyone is still sleepy and their guards are still down, and Lexa likes the way Raven looks at her when she’s feeling that way. Aden and Gustus poke fun at Lexa and make Raven laugh with their terrible jokes and stories. Raven chimes in with some of her own jokes and stories, each one more cringeworthy and embarrassing than the last. The whole thing is so ridiculous and has all of them struggling to eat through fits of laughter and tears, and Lexa can’t remember the last time her heart felt so full.

Once they’re done with breakfast, they get dressed and bundle up to face the cold New York weather. They take the elevator down to the ground floor, and when they step out of the building and onto the snowy sidewalk, Gustus hails them a cab and they set out to explore the city. 

They drink hot cocoa and ice skate in Central Park.

Raven has never been ice skating before, but seems up for the challenge, and of course she’s a natural at it. Lexa remembers the first few times she tried to ice skate and remembers Gustus telling her she was like Bambi on ice. But of course Raven is good at it, and Lexa tries not to roll her eyes as Raven obnoxiously brags about how good she is and Gustus and Aden egg her on. Lexa tries to act mad about it, she really does. But the way Raven’s eyes are filled with such unrestrained glee and the way that she exchanges laughs and jokes with Aden and Gustus, fills Lexa’s heart with so much joy that she can’t help but match Raven’s blinding white smile with her own. She reaches out a hand for Raven to grab and they skate around the rink laughing and holding hands.

After a quick lunch at one of Lexa’s favorite bistros, they visit a few stores before making their way back to Greenwich Village to watch Elf The Musical in an off Broadway theater. There’s an early evening play that Gustus somehow managed to get tickets to last minute, which Lexa suspects is from being so well connected through his security firm. He always knows a guy who knows a guy, and Lexa is secretly grateful for it. They settle into their seats in the theater and when the lights go down and the curtain goes up, Raven squeezes her hand in excitement and Lexa squeezes back. Lexa tries to watch the play instead of staring at Raven, she really does but it’s hard. Raven is so happy and enjoying the musical so much and she’s constantly squeezing Lexa’s hand or knee and whispering funny comments in her ear.

When the play is over, Gustus takes them to a hole in the wall Italian restaurant to eat dinner. He of course knows the owner, a large Italian man with a mustache dressed in a white chefs outfit. He honestly looks like a character out of a movie, and Lexa giggles when Raven leans into her and quietly impersonates him in one of the most horrible Italian accents Lexa has ever heard. The restaurant is small but filled with a lot of first generation Italians who are loud and boisterous, and Raven seems to love it. They drink red wine and eat from way too large plates of spaghetti, finishing off the meal with small cups of espresso and tiramisu. Lexa tries not to burst from the elation she feels when Raven reaches for her hand under the table and squeezes. She finds the familiar scar on the palm of Raven’s hand and traces it gently with her thumb. She has to remind herself to breathe when Raven turns to look at her with teary eyes and a smile on her face before leaning in to whisper in Lexa’s ear, “Thank you for today,” then kisses her on the cheek. 

Lexa tries and fails to hide the way she shivers at the feeling of Raven’s warm lips and breath brushing across her skin and warming up her heart. When Raven pulls back and gives her a slightly questioning look, all Lexa can do is give her a reassuring smile back and a nod before leaning in to whisper, “You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? This was the hardest chapter for me to write and I hope I did okay with it and would love to hear what you think! As always comments and kudos are appreciated and help inspire me to write faster so I can post more. 
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven if you want to chat or have questions or suggestions for my story. I am struggling to come up with some ideas, so if you wanna message me and help me out that’d be great!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woods family Christmas party. Everyone thinks Lexa and Raven are dating and they decide to play along. Mistletoe and sexual tension ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the Christmas content when we’re going into spring. I wrote this fic through the winter months and needed the structure of a college school year. 
> 
> We are finally getting some Lexaven action in this story! Enjoy!

They spend Christmas Eve at a Woods family Christmas party. It’s ugly Christmas sweater themed, and Lexa can tell Raven is surprised by how some of her family members really go all out. Raven is wearing a Santa hat and an ugly sweater that actually looks really cute on her and Lexa is a little breathless as she watches Raven’s cheeks flush when her grandmother asks how long they’ve been dating. 

“Oh, um we’re not dating, Grandma. We’re just friends.” Lexa stammers out, embarrassed by the implication. Her feelings for Raven have been steadily growing over the past few months and she thought she was doing a good job of hiding them, but apparently not.

“Oh sure, I get it,” her Grandma says, giving them both a knowing smile and a wink. “I had a gal pal too when I was your age.” 

Raven just giggles and Lexa squirms, trying not to feel mortified by the revelation. She tries to explain they’re not like that but it’s to no avail. Grandma is still convinced they’re dating, and apparently she’s not the only one. 

For some reason all of Lexa’s relatives think that she and Raven are dating, and after a few unsuccessful attempts of convincing them otherwise, Raven convinces Lexa to just play along. 

“Come on, Lex. It’ll be fun!” 

If Lexa hadn’t already had three glasses of eggnog she’s not sure she’d agree to it, especially with the way her feelings for Raven have been growing into something more. But she’s just tipsy enough to agree, and Lexa thinks it’s one of the worst decisions she’s ever made.

****

This is one of the best decisions she’s ever made.

Pretending to be Raven’s girlfriend is one of the best decisions Lexa has ever made. Raven holds her hand almost all night, never leaving her side. She really plays it up, calling Lexa sickeningly sweet pet names that make Lexa blush and cringe. Raven regales the tale of how the two of them met and started dating. Which is essentially just their actual story with some romantic interpretations and actions added in. It’s so convincing and Raven looks at her with so much affection and unbridled joy in her brown eyes when she tells it, that Lexa almost starts to believe that it’s real. 

It makes Lexa think about what it would really be like to be with Raven. To date her and kiss her and to call Raven hers. She’s surprised to find that she really likes the idea, and even more surprised to realize that it’s something she wants, and after everything that’s happened these past few days, she’s starting to think it might be something Raven wants too. After all, Raven did shamelessly pursue her and try to date her when they first met, maybe she still feels the same. 

They end up finding themselves under some mistletoe, because of course they do. And with the prodding of some inebriated family members and friends—and to keep up the fake girlfriend act—Raven just giggles and plants one on Lexa’s lips. It’s just a peck at first. But when they both pull back, Raven has this hooded look in her eyes and Lexa doesn’t even have time to question it before Raven is leaning back in to reconnect their lips. 

The kiss starts out chaste and sloppy because they’re both a little drunk, but it soon gets heated. And it’s everything. Lexa threads her fingers through Raven’s hair, pulling her closer to deepen the kiss, and Raven moans, digging her fingers into Lexa’s hips, gripping and pulling until their bodies are flush. The room around them fades away and there’s nothing more than Raven’s warm wet tongue and soft smooth lips and the little hums and groans she makes against Lexa’s mouth. And god, Lexa never wants this moment to end. 

They’re pulled from the kiss by the sound of breaking glass as one of Lexa’s drunk uncles knocks over a vase. 

They both pull back flushed and gasping for air. Raven has this dazed and hungry look in her eyes and Lexa has to remind herself to breathe. Raven’s breaths are still coming out in warm pants against Lexa’s lips and she can practically taste the peppermint schnapps and chocolate from the hot cocoa Raven was drinking earlier. The whole thing is so heady and intense that Lexa’s whole body starts to sway and she can’t help but close her eyes and lean in, loving the gentle way their foreheads press together and their noses touch. 

Raven leans into Lexa’s touch and traces gentle circles on her hips with her thumbs, slipping them beneath the fabric of her sweater to press against the bare skin of her hips and dip beneath the waistband of her jeans. It’s exhilarating and arousing, and Lexa doesn’t know how long they stand there like that, swaying and breathing each other in, but eventually Raven pulls back to gaze into her eyes. And oh god, Lexa feels like she’s going to combust just from looking at her. Raven’s eyes are heavy lidded and hazy, the Santa hat sits crookedly on her head and her chestnut hair is mussed from where Lexa ran her fingers through it. Her cheeks are slightly flushed and she’s biting her bottom lip, and the whole thing is so insanely hot and intense that it all becomes too much for Lexa to handle.

Lexa flees the room.

She literally flees the room. She excuses herself from the room, ignoring Raven’s confused look, and quickly making her way upstairs to her bedroom. She closes the door behind her before slipping into the bathroom and locking the door. She breathes a sigh of relief and immediately goes to the sink, turning on the faucet and splashing some cold water on her face. The sensations flowing through her body are so hot and overwhelming, and she uses the cool water to calm herself down as she tries to catch her breath. 

The kiss with Raven was amazing. 

It was everything, and all Lexa can think about is doing it again. But this whole thing was just an act they were putting on for her family, and Lexa can’t afford to be thinking like that when she knows that Raven probably doesn’t feel the same way back. She looks into the mirror, taking in her own appearance. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swollen and pink, and she can’t stop thinking about the way Raven kissed her and left her looking like this. She tries not to think about the sticky feeling between her thighs as she splashes more cold water on her face, and takes some deep calming breaths, trying to get herself back together so she can return to the party downstairs. She finally calms herself down, and is drying off her face when she hears a quiet knock on the door. 

“Lexa?” Raven’s muffled voice comes through the door. “Are you okay?” She asks, and Lexa feels her heart flutter and her palms start to sweat at the concern she hears. 

She hates how easily she’s affected by just the sound of Raven’s voice, but she knows she can’t hide in the bathroom forever, so she takes a deep breath, steeling herself against her emotions before opening the door. She immediately wishes she hadn’t when she sees Raven’s disheveled look—her messy hair, flushed cheeks, and kiss bruised lips. Her eyes are hooded and filled with a mixture of desire and concern, and Lexa has to clear her throat awkwardly before responding. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She says, stepping out into the room. Proud that her words only come out a little shaky and thin. Raven looks into her eyes, furrows her brow and squints. Like she’s trying to figure out if Lexa is actually telling the truth. 

“Are you sure? You ran out of there pretty fast.” She says skeptically and Lexa’s pulse starts to race. 

“Yeah, I just...” Lexa trails off, not really sure what to say, “I just needed a minute.” 

“Oh, okay.” Raven says soft and low, stepping in closer and reaching for Lexa’s hand. The tension from earlier is back, and Lexa knows before it even happens that they’re going to kiss again. 

It’s inevitable.

Lexa steps forward, so they’re in each other’s space. She’s mesmerized by the look in Raven’s eyes and can’t stop staring at the way she’s biting her bottom lip. Lexa is desperate to replace Raven’s teeth with her own. But before she gets a chance to do anything, Raven squeezes her hand and breathes out, “I really liked kissing you.”

Lexa’s breathing becomes ragged as Raven continues to hold her gaze and she barely manages to mumble out a, “me too,” before Raven is closing the distance between them.

The kiss is more urgent this time. The tension is still thick in the air, and both of them are driven by an overwhelming need to take what the other has to offer. 

There’s a desperate mix of teeth and lips and soft moans, and before either of them can even stop to think about it, they’re both making out on Lexa’s bed. The Santa hat and ugly Christmas sweaters are nowhere to be found, leaving them both clad in only thin tank tops and jeans. Raven moves to straddle Lexa’s hips before pushing her onto her back so she can settle on top of her and deepen the kiss. Lexa hums in contentment, sinking her fingers in Raven’s hair and pulling her close. Raven groans and slips her tongue into Lexa’s mouth so she can swirl it with her own, and Lexa moans at the soft, silky feel and shudders at the warmth of Raven’s body pressing and arching into her. And it’s everything. Their movements become more desperate and needy as they get lost in each other’s lips and warmth. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa is so wet and turned on that she knows her underwear are ruined. They continue making out, never breaking contact, but when Raven smooths a hand up Lexa’s abs and squeezes her breast, Lexa quickly sobers up and puts things to a stop. 

“Raven, wait.” She says, tearing herself away from the kiss, and trying to catch her breath. “What does this mean?”

“What?” Raven asks breathless and confused.

“What are we doing, Raven?” 

“Um, making out?” Raven says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and okay, maybe it is. Lexa lets out a sigh and tries to keep her cool, ignoring the ache between her thighs.

“You know what I mean. What is this?” Lexa asks again motioning between them, and Raven lets out a little huff and pouts, and she looks so adorable Lexa has to remind herself to stay focused. 

“I don’t know, Lex.” She says softly. “All I know is that I want to kiss you, and I don’t want to stop.” Raven is so sincere and sweet and Lexa is captivated by the way she softly strokes her cheek and looks at her with desire in her eyes. 

“Me too.” Lexa admits quietly, and Raven smiles in response seeking out Lexa’s lips again for a kiss. Lexa allows it because how can she not? This is Raven, her best friend, the girl she’s slowly been falling for, and it’s that last thought that brings her back to her senses. 

“Wait,” she breathes out and pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes. “I thought we were friends?” 

“We are.” Raven says slowly looking at her confused. 

“So what? Now we’re friends, who kiss?” 

Raven nods, “Yeah, what’s wrong with that? You’re my friend and I really like kissing you and you really like kissing me. So, what’s the problem?” 

Lexa sighs. 

“The problem is, that you know I don’t do casual hook ups, Raven. If I sleep with someone, I want it to mean something. I want it to be with someone I want more with. Someone I’m dating.” Lexa confesses, hating how vulnerable she sounds.

Raven gives her a soft look, tracing her thumb along Lexa’s cheek. “Who says I wouldn’t want more with you, Lex?” 

Lexa tries to push down the hopeful feeling in her chest. “What are you saying?” She asks, her voice uncertain and shaky. 

“I’m saying that maybe I’m not interested in just staying friends. Maybe I want more than that with you.” Raven says, her eyes and voice only getting more confident with each word. “Maybe I’ve wanted it for awhile now.” 

Lexa is having a hard time believing what she’s hearing. “How do I know you’re not just saying that because you’re drunk and want to get into my pants?” Lexa tries to tease, unwilling to accept the seriousness of Raven’s words.

Raven rolls her eyes, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear. 

“Give me a little more credit than that, Lex. Are you forgetting about yesterday morning or last night or the whole first month of our relationship when I was crazy about you and trying to woo you?” 

“How could I forget?” Lexa says fondly and softly, “But things are different between us now, Raven. We’re friends. Best friends. Who actually care about each other and are involved in each other’s lives. Why don’t we go to sleep? See how we feel in the morning when we’re both more sober?” 

“Fine,” Raven replies begrudgingly, “But nothing’s going to change, Lex. I’ve wanted to be with you from the moment we first met, and becoming friends with you and getting to know you, has only made that more real for me.” 

“Okay, Shakespeare,” Lexa teases, still unwilling to accept everything Raven is saying. “Lets get ready for bed and we’ll see what you have to say in the morning.” 

Raven wiggles her eyebrows and grins. “Oh please, Willy Shakes hath nothing on me.”

Lexa giggles and can’t stop herself from pecking Raven’s cheek. “You’re a total nerd. You know that, right?” 

“You love it.” Raven responds giving Lexa a goofy grin. 

Lexa just shakes her head. “Come on, lets go brush our teeth.”

They brush their teeth, change into their pajamas and spoon.

****

When they wake up, it’s Christmas morning. 

Lexa can smell the hints of coffee and cinnamon in the air and her stomach growls at the idea of Gustus making his famous Christmas morning French toast. Raven stirs in her arms and rolls over to face her. Her sleepy eyes and smile making Lexa’s heart race. 

“Hey,” Raven says softly. Her warm, brown eyes tracing Lexa’s face. 

“Hey,” Lexa says back, forgetting to breathe as Raven scoots closer and nuzzles their foreheads together so their noses are touching. Raven reaches up a hand to thread her fingers through Lexa’s hair and starts to lean in, but Lexa abruptly pulls back and Raven looks at her in surprise. 

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks. “Have you changed your mind since last night?” A look of hurt and insecurity flashes in her eyes and Lexa feels her heart clench. 

“It’s not that,” Lexa replies quickly, trying to assuage Raven’s feelings. 

“Then what is it?” She asks, her eyes softening. 

“I have horrible morning breath!” Lexa blurts out, and Raven just gives her this look before she starts to laugh. 

“Oh my god, you are such a dork! You really think I care about that shit?” She asks, and Lexa doesn’t even have time to respond before Raven is pulling her back in and connecting their lips. 

The kiss starts out slow, but quickly becomes heated and desperate. The tension from last night still lingering in the air, and they’re helpless to resist their desire and need for one another.

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long.” Raven manages to breathe out between kisses, rolling Lexa onto her back and slinging a leg over her hips so she can move her body on top of her. 

Lexa just lets out a little ‘oomph’ noise and grips Raven’s hips, spurring on her movements. They continue to kiss desperately. Their hips and chests pressing together perfectly as Raven leans over her, and before Lexa has time to even realize what’s happening Raven is slotting a knee between her thighs and giving her the contact she so desperately needs. Lexa moans and arches her hips forward, reaching down to grab the back of Raven’s thigh and pull her into her.

“Fuck,” Raven moans against Lexa’s lips before trailing desperate kisses down her jaw and neck, biting down on a particularly sensitive spot that has Lexa exhaling a shaky breath and bending her own knee to return the favor. 

“God, Lexa,” Raven pants out against the column of her throat, grinding down on Lexa’s thigh as they both start to find a rhythm. “You have no idea what you do to me.”

Lexa thinks she might have somewhat of an idea, when she feels the slick of Raven’s arousal soaking through her boyshorts and coating the top of her own thigh. The whole thing is so hot and has Lexa so turned on that she’s close to coming embarrassingly fast. If it were anyone else beside Raven, she’d be completely embarrassed by how desperate she is, but Raven seems to be just as desperate and needy. 

“Fuck, I can feel how wet you are,” Raven manages to get out between kisses, moaning and rocking into Lexa with her thigh and hips. “So fucking hot,” she mumbles against Lexa’s lips, gasping and increasing her pace, pushing into Lexa and grinding herself on her leg. 

Raven pulls back to meet Lexa’s eyes and the intensity and desperation Lexa finds there drives her crazy in the best possible way. “Raven, I’m so close.” She pants out, and Raven shifts to squeeze both of Lexa’s breasts over her shirt, tracing her nipples with her thumbs and connecting their lips in a sloppy kiss. It’s just what Lexa needs to push her over the edge. Her body jolting and arching in pleasure as Raven swallows her moans with a kiss. 

Lexa is still riding out her orgasm, when Raven grabs one of Lexa’s hands and places it over her breast as she continues to grind on Lexa’s thigh. Lexa barely manages to squeeze her breast but somehow it seems to be enough and Raven’s whole body tenses up then convulses, her orgasm hitting her just as Lexa’s is ending. She bites down on Raven’s lower lip and continues squeezing her breast and hip, helping her come down from her high. When it’s over, Raven is shaking and Lexa shifts her hands to bury them in Raven’s hair and give her a long, lazy kiss until they’re both forced to pull back for some air. 

Raven groans and buries her face in Lexa’s neck, letting her full body weight settle on top of her. The feeling is so amazing that Lexa lets out a contented little sigh and gently rakes her nails up and down Raven’s back. Loving the way her muscles ripple under her tank top as her body shudders and she tries to catch her breath. 

“Holy fuck, that was amazing.” Raven pants out breathlessly against her neck. “You’re amazing.” She adds pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes before connecting their lips. 

Lexa just pulls Raven close and hums into the kiss. 

When they pull back, Raven is looking into her eyes with concern. “Are you okay?” She asks softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lexa’s ear. “With this? With us?” 

Lexa isn’t even sure what the “this” is between them yet, but she knows she wants whatever it is. Whatever it could be. “Yeah,” She says just as softly. “Raven, I—” 

“This isn’t just casual for me,” Raven rushes to say, cutting Lexa off. “Me and you. This. Us. It isn’t just casual for me. I want more with you, Lex.” Lexa can feel the emotion welling in her chest at the sincerity in Raven’s voice and the affection in her warm, brown eyes. 

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks, hating how shaky her voice sounds, but she can’t help it. Not when Raven is so freely offering her what she’s been wanting these past months.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” Raven says softly, pressing their foreheads together, and they both just breathe each other in.

And even though the statement might seem extreme or cheesy coming from anyone else, Lexa knows Raven means it. Raven has never had much to feel certain about in her life, and Lexa is in awe of the fact that she’s allowing herself to feel this way with her. It’s a level of trust and vulnerability she’s not sure Raven has with anyone else.

“I know we still have a lot to figure out, but if you’re sure, I’m sure.” Lexa says softly.

Raven just smiles and nods her head. “I’m sure.”

“Me too.” Lexa whispers back.

Lexa swears she hears Raven’s breath hitch at her response, and god she can’t handle Raven being so soft and raw like this. She could get lost in it. She threads her fingers in Raven’s hair and pulls her into another kiss. It’s soft and passionate and sweet, and when Raven pulls back to smile and look in Lexa’s eyes before blurting out, “Lets go brush our teeth,” Lexa just laughs.

****

They have an amazing Christmas morning, and give each other presents. The day is so picturesque and perfect, that it literally brings Raven to tears. Lexa knows that Raven never imagined she could have something as normal and beautiful as this.

Lexa gives Raven her gift, and when she opens it, she just looks at Lexa and bursts into tears. Lexa momentarily panics at the strong display of emotion, but she can see the affection in Raven’s eyes and feel the weight of her hand as it settles on top of hers. She moves to bring Raven close and pull her into her arms, and Raven just falls into her chest and clings to the back of her shirt. Lexa whispers comforting words into her hair and traces soothing circles on her back. She’s briefly aware of Gustus and Aden’s hushed conversation as they exit the room, and Lexa is grateful for the privacy.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.” Raven manages to choke out between tears.

Lexa shakes her head, pulling Raven even closer as she struggles to control her own emotions. “You have nothing to be sorry about, Raven. It’s okay, I get it.”

Raven pulls back to look in Lexa’s eyes and Lexa barely manages to hold back her own tears. 

“You do?” Raven asks quietly, her voice thin and fragile, her teary eyes searching and uncertain.

“I do.” Lexa says softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Raven’s ear, before bringing her hands up to cup Raven’s cheeks. She uses her thumbs to wipe away Raven’s tears before leaning in to leave gentle kisses in their wake. 

Raven just looks at her with tenderness and awe, and she’s so soft and pure that Lexa just pulls her in. Holding her close and kissing her hair, as she gently rocks her back and forth. 

She remembers the first Christmas she had with Gusts and Aden, and how the normalcy and beauty of it healed something inside of her that had been broken for a long time. She hopes this Christmas will do the same for Raven. 

When Raven looks into her eyes with affection and hope and says, “This is the first real Christmas I’ve ever had. The best Christmas I’ve ever had.” 

Lexa thinks she’s well on her way

****

Later that night, when Gustus and Aden have gone to sleep and Lexa and Raven are cuddled up in front of the fireplace, drinking hot cocoa on the couch, there’s a moment where Raven turns to Lexa and just gives her this look. And god, Lexa could get lost in that look. Raven’s eyes are so beautiful and warm and the way the light from the fire dances across her irises, highlighting the bursts of gold around her pupils and the small specs of black mixed in with the brown is breathtaking. Lexa can’t help but lean in to capture her lips. It’s deep and intimate and soft and when they pull back, Raven cups Lexa’s cheek and holds her gaze.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Raven asks, quiet and insecure, and Lexa thinks she’s never seen Raven look so vulnerable.

“Yes,” Lexa replies breathlessly. “A million times yes.” She says before leaning in to give Raven a passionate kiss. Things start to get heated again when Raven pulls back.

“Wait, Lexa,” she stutters out. “Are you sure?” She looks so uncertain and insecure and god, Lexa can hardly take it. She vows right then and there that she’ll do whatever it takes to keep that look off Raven’s face.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” She says, echoing Raven’s words from that morning, hoping they’ll cut through her uncertainty and fear. Raven gives her this small smile, a look of relief flashing through her eyes and Lexa feels her heart soar.

“I’m sure, if you’re sure.” Raven breathes out quietly, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“I’m sure.” Lexa replies breathlessly, her heart threatening to burst from her chest.

“Me too.” Raven says softly, before leaning in to connect their lips.

They make out on the couch until the fire burns down, then move to Lexa’s bed to cuddle and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was kind of a tease, but Lexaven are dating now and next chapter will be the chapter you’ve all been waiting for! Leave me some comments or kudos and I might post it sooner rather than later :)
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s New Years Eve and Raven and Lexa take things to the next level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of the positive feedback! I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re enjoying this story after I put so much work into it. Sorry for the delay in posting. Life happened. This is the chapter you’ve all been patiently waiting for so I hope you enjoy! I’m still not very experienced with writing smut yet, so I hope this ends up being good.

It’s New Year’s Eve.

They’re back at Stanford with their friends, having a party in Indra’s apartment and it’s New Year’s Eve. Indra made Lexa promise to clean up the mess and keep the noise under control, but gave Lexa the okay since all of their friends are over the age of twenty-one. Clarke is there with Anya, Octavia is there with Lincoln, along with Monty and Harper, Jasper and Maya, and god they really are a disgustingly cute and coupled up group of friends. 

They decide to part ways with the typical college-age themed party and make it somewhat of a casual black-tie event. They dress up and drink champagne and eat fancy hors d’oeuvres, and when the clock counts down to midnight they all scream, “Happy New Year!” and kiss the person they love. 

Their friends don’t stay long after that. Most of them eager to get home and ring in the new year with their significant other. Lexa and Raven are eager to do the same. They have yet to take things all the way. Neither of them counting the heavy petting and grinding over clothes, even if they did both get off. Both of them want their first time together to be special, and they decide that New Year’s Eve is the perfect chance to do that. 

As their friends trickle out of the apartment, Lexa starts to feel a sense of nervous anticipation and she can tell Raven feels the same way too. It’s not that Lexa is unsure. She wants this. They both want this. It’s just that Lexa has never been this in love before, and having sex with Raven tonight will only increase that feeling. She’s nervous and excited, all at the same time. 

Lexa watches as Raven closes and locks the apartment door after their last friend leaves. She eyes Raven carefully as Raven walks back into the living room and turns on a quiet playlist before joining Lexa in the middle of the room.

“Are you nervous?” Lexa asks, unable to stop the words from tumbling out. Her own anticipation of the night ahead coming to the surface.

Raven gives her a small smile and reaches for her hands. “A little. You?” 

“Yeah, a little.” Lexa nods, feeling herself relax at Raven’s touch and words. Finding comfort in the fact that she’s not the only one feeling this way. 

Raven gently kisses her cheek and tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear before looping her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulling her close. Raven starts to sway them back and forth and Lexa’s hands settle naturally along Raven’s waist, squeezing and rubbing gentle circles on her hips with her thumbs. An Ed Sheeran song plays softly in the background and Lexa feels her heart flutter when she realizes they’re slow dancing. She thinks back to the first time they danced together, and how far they’ve come since then.

“What’s making you nervous?” Raven asks softly, pulling Lexa from her thoughts. Lexa is comforted to find only genuine interest and concern in her warm brown eyes, free of any judgment or disappointment. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Not the way I do with you.” Lexa admits, and she’s certain Raven can hear the way her heart beats wildly in her chest.

“Me either.” Raven says soft and sincere, and again there’s that understanding and relief that the two of them are on the same page. Feeling the same way. 

“For what it’s worth, there’s no one I trust myself with more than you.” Lexa says quietly, leaning in to press their foreheads together.

“I trust you too.” Raven says softly, her voice thick with an emotion Lexa can’t quite decipher. “Let’s just take things slow and see what happens. No pressure.” Raven breathes against her lips, and Lexa can practically taste the champagne.

“No pressure.” Lexa breathes back, feeling relieved at the contact as Raven pulls her close.

They kiss, and it’s everything.

It’s a soft press of soft lips and warm breaths exhaled as they melt into one another. Raven’s tongue is warm and smooth as it slips into her mouth, and when Lexa starts to suck and swirl it with her own, she relishes in the way Raven lets out a soft moan and gently rakes her short nails across the back of Lexa’s neck. 

Lexa is so sensitive and on edge that she feels goosebumps break out across her skin. Her senses are heightened, her nerve endings are on fire, and all she can think about is how much she wants this. How much she wants Raven. 

Raven pulls back from the kiss meeting Lexa’s eyes with a hooded gaze. “Bedroom?” She asks breathlessly, her voice more gravelly than before, and Lexa just nods and holds onto Raven’s hand.

Raven leads them into the bedroom, to the edge of the queen-sized bed. They both just stand there holding hands and taking each other in. The room is dark except for the moonlight filtering in through the window, and it gives Raven’s tan skin an almost other worldly glow. She’s so beautiful, and Lexa is suddenly hit with the desire to see all of Raven, bare before her in the bright light of day, but for now—for tonight—this is perfect. This will be enough. 

Their lips meet again as their bodies press together, and it’s a soft, tender dance of kissing and touching and removing clothes. Raven’s body is solid and warm—hard and soft in all the right places—and with each new inch she uncovers, Lexa is in awe of her perfection. 

They end up naked on the bed. Their bodies trembling and pressed together in a tangle of lips and limbs. Somehow Raven ends up on top, cradled between Lexa’s thighs, and Lexa is in awe of the way they seem to fit so perfectly together. 

Raven kisses down Lexa’s neck and chest, stopping to give some attention to her breasts. She flattens her tongue, using it to lick warm, wide strokes over one of Lexa’s nipples before humming and sucking it into her mouth. The sensation is so exquisite and intense it shoots a jolt of heat straight to Lexa’s clit, and she’s powerless to do more than grip the back of Raven’s neck and arch into her with her hips.

“Raven, please.” Lexa gasps, as Raven kisses her way over to her other breast, lavishing it with the same careful attention. Raven just hums and looks up at her with those hooded brown eyes, her mouth still sucking and licking Lexa’s nipple, and god, she could get lost in that look. “I need you.” Lexa rasps out. 

Raven takes that as her cue, humming and releasing Lexa’s nipple with a soft little pop before surging up to connect their lips. The kiss is sloppy and urgent. Both of them already so close to the edge after anticipating this moment all night. Lexa loops her arms around Raven’s neck as they continue to deepen the kiss, letting out a groan when she feels Raven’s whole body arching and pressing into her, bringing them impossibly close. Lexa relishes in the feel of their bare skin pressed together. Raven’s breasts are soft and fit perfectly against her own and Lexa swears she can actually feel Raven’s heart beating against her chest.

She’s so caught up in the feeling that she barely manages to hang on as Raven starts moaning and rocking into her, and all she can do is wrap her legs around Raven’s waist to encourage her movements. She can feel Raven’s slick heat grinding into her own and they both moan as they make contact with their clits. Lexa gasps and arches her hips, and Raven whimpers, biting down on Lexa’s lower lip before releasing it and pulling back to look in her eyes.

“God, Lexa. You’re so beautiful.” Raven says soft and desperate, pressing their foreheads together as she continues to rock her hips. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this. How much I’ve wanted you.”

And the desperation and emotion in Raven’s voice just does something to Lexa. Pushes her even closer to the edge. She threads her fingers through Raven’s hair and pulls her into a kiss. It’s messy and urgent, much like the movement of Raven’s hips. 

“You have me.” Lexa breathes into their kiss, tightening her hold along Raven’s hips with her thighs, and trailing her hands down Raven’s sides before squeezing her ass. Raven’s whole body jerks and stutters at the move.

“Fuck, Lexa. I’m close.” She says between ragged breaths, pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes. Raven’s brow is furrowed in concentration as she continues to pump her hips, arching her back and supporting her weight with her arms. “Fuck, just like that.” Raven pants out and moans as they continue to grind into one another and Lexa can feel herself quickly approaching the edge. 

“I’m not going to last much longer.” Lexa says, gasping as Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot. 

“I’m almost there. Tell me when you’re close.” 

“I’m, oh god! Raven, I’m gonna come.” She says her hips moving frantically now. 

Raven thrusts her hips forward once, twice and when she leans down to capture one of Lexa’s nipples in her mouth, gently biting down as her hips thrust forward for a third time in a long press, Lexa’s whole body tenses up and she’s crashing over the edge. White, hot pleasure shoots through her as she grips Raven’s ass, holding her in place so she can ride out her orgasm. She’s so caught up in her own bliss that she barely registers Raven approaching her own.

“Fuck, Lexa—I’m coming!” Raven cries out jerking her hips forward a few more times before crashing over the edge with her. Raven’s hips press forward as her whole body arches back, and Lexa is in awe. Raven is stunning, and somehow she already knows that she’ll never get tired of seeing her like this. She helps Raven ride out her orgasm with gentle thrusts, squeezing her ass and helping her movements. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa already feels close to coming again. 

When Raven finally starts to come down from her high, Lexa already feels a sense of loss, wanting this moment to stretch on forever. She slips her fingers down to press against Raven’s clit in an attempt to prolong the moment, but Raven is so sensitive that she literally yelps and her arms give out, and her whole body collapses on top of Lexa. She reaches down to grip Lexa’s wrist, stilling her movements.

“Oh my god! Are you trying to kill me?” Raven manages to get out between gasping breaths. 

Lexa just chuckles and kisses the top of Raven’s head, moving her hand from between Raven’s thighs to trace gentle circles on her lower back. 

Raven scoots up to kiss Lexa’s lips before burying her face in Lexa’s hair and biting down on her neck. Lexa grunts at the slight feeling of pain, then moans with the feeling of pleasure as Raven soothes the same spot with her tongue and lips. Lexa knows it will probably leave a bruise, but right now she doesn’t care. Something about the idea of Raven leaving a visible mark on her, a reminder of their night together makes her feel a whole new wave of desire.

“Are you seriously giving me a hickey right now?” Lexa asks, knowing very well that Raven is, but wanting to tease her about it all the same.

“Mmhm,” Raven hums against her neck, before kissing her way down to the top of Lexa’s breast and giving it a gentle nip.

“Ow,” Lexa says before letting out a shivery gasp when Raven starts to suck on the same spot. “Another one?” Lexa asks, trying not to giggle at the fact that Raven is trying to give her another hickey.

“Mmhm,” Raven murmurs against her breast, as she continues to bite and soothe.

“Is that honestly all you have to say for yourself?” Lexa asks playfully, squeezing Raven’s ass.

“Mmhm,” she hums again against Lexa’s chest and Lexa just giggles as Raven trails her lips up her neck before moving up to connect their lips. The kiss is slow and lazy and Lexa just sighs into it before pulling back, but not before Raven gets in a gentle nip to her bottom lip.

“Why do you keep biting me?” She asks, knowing there’s a goofy grin on her face, but not caring in the least.

“You’re very bitable.” Raven says with a teasing lilt to her voice, trailing her lips up to Lexa’s ear and gently sucking and biting down.

“Oh my god, at this rate there will be nothing left of me by the time you’re done.” Lexa teases. “Stop trying to eat me!” She scolds, gently raking her nails along Raven’s ass. Raven pulls back abruptly, giggling and giving Lexa an incredulous look. 

“Oh my god Lexa! You did not just say that.” Raven gets out between laughs. “Do you even realize what you just said?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a questioning look. 

Lexa just looks at her, legitimately confused at first, until she realizes her mistake. “Oh, my god, Raven. I didn’t mean it like that!” She says, rolling her eyes and giggling back. Wishing she could hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Too bad for you, you’re definitely missing out,” Raven says, before leaning back in, to nuzzle Lexa’s neck. “As your girlfriend, I feel like it’s my duty to inform you that I’m quite skilled at it.” 

“What?” Lexa asks, too distracted by the way Raven is swirling her tongue around her ear to remember what they’re talking about.

“Eating,” Raven murmurs into her ear, her warm breath giving Lexa goosebumps. “A lot of things, but specifically your pussy.” She says, before trailing her lips down and biting Lexa’s neck. 

Lexa’s whole body stiffens at Raven’s words. Her eyes go wide, and her cheeks flush in embarrassment. “Oh, um, yeah. That!” She sputters out, feeling a mixture of arousal and fear. Raven pulls back, giving her a confused look, before rolling them both to their sides so they can lay more comfortably, face to face.

“What’s wrong?” Raven asks gently, reaching for Lexa’s hand to hold it in the space between them and tangling their legs.

“Um, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet.” Lexa says quietly, feeling embarrassed about her lack of experience, unable to meet Raven’s eyes, and hating herself for bringing down the mood.

“Hey, Lexa. Will you look at me?” Raven asks softly, cupping and stroking Lexa’s cheek with her freehand. Lexa chances a look, and is relieved to see nothing but warmth and understanding in Raven’s eyes. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” 

Lexa nods, feeling tears start to gather in her eyes at how considerate Raven is being.

“I only said that because I really love being with you like this and want to make you feel good, and I know that’s one way to do it. But I know it can be really intimate and intense, and isn’t something everyone likes, so if you’re not into it, we won’t do it.” Raven says, giving her a reassuring kiss on the lips.

“It’s not that,” Lexa says, hating how vulnerable she feels, and the way her voice shakes, giving her away. “It’s just, I’ve never done that with anyone before.” She says, forcing herself to hold Raven’s gaze. 

To her credit, Raven only looks mildly surprised, but there’s no judgment in her eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay.” Raven says softly, giving Lexa a reassuring smile as she trails her fingers down to trace along her ribs. Lexa feels herself start to relax at Raven’s touch and words. “It doesn’t matter to me what you have or haven’t done before. All that matters to me is what we do together. And we’ll only do something if it’s comfortable for the both of us, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexa replies, her heart fluttering at the sincerity and affection in Raven’s voice and eyes. “Thank you for being so patient and understanding with me. I don’t know how I got so lucky.” The words come pouring out. She can’t help it. She honestly can’t remember the last time someone made her feel this comfortable to be so honest. To be herself.

“Hey, none of that.” Raven says, her voice is light but there’s a stern look in her eyes. “Lexa, you have nothing to apologize for, and you never have to thank me for respecting your boundaries. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve. If you ever feel like I’m not respecting your boundaries then tell me, but don’t thank me for doing something that I should be doing anyway. Okay?”

Lexa nods, at a complete loss for words. Her heart is a jumble of emotions. Raven leans in then, brushing the tears from her face, before kissing each cheek and leaning in to kiss her on the lips. And god, how did Lexa get so lucky? The kiss is passionate and sweet, and Lexa feels some of the lightness returning to her chest. 

Raven pulls back from the kiss, giving Lexa a sparkling smile, and before she has time to question herself, Lexa rolls them over so Raven is now laying beneath her and Lexa is now nestled between her thighs. Raven lets out a little huff of surprise at the movement, and Lexa just smiles and starts kissing Raven’s neck. Raven hums in approval, threading her fingers through Lexa’s hair, and when Lexa starts to bite down and suck, she lets out a little grunt.

“Hey, you’re going to leave a mark.” Raven pouts, not even putting up a fight as Lexa continues to bite down before soothing the darkening skin with her lips.

“Mmhm,” Lexa hums, and Raven just giggles and moans and pulls her body close.

They make out and give each other hickeys and before long they’re cuddling up to each other and drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I did an okay job with the love scene. Let me know what you think! There will be more sexy times to come, so don’t worry if this isn’t everything you were expecting it to be. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated to keep my fragile writer’s ego motivated and feeling good to write. 
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Part 1.

Lexa stirs awake and sighs as she feels Raven moving on top of her. 

She’s nuzzling into the crook of Lexa’s neck, pressing warm kisses along the column of her throat. Lexa’s skin feels so sensitive and Raven’s lips are so warm and she can’t help but moan when Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot. Raven’s breath hitches at the sound and Lexa can tell she’s surprised that she’s awake. The surprise doesn’t last long because Raven sighs and continues trailing kisses down Lexa’s neck and collarbone before dipping down to press a kiss directly over her heart, and Lexa is certain Raven can feel the way it starts to race. 

“Morning,” Raven rasps out against her chest, and despite the thin sheet covering them, Lexa shivers as goosebumps cover her skin and a jolt of arousal shoots between her thighs. 

Raven lifts up her head to meet Lexa with a soft gaze, and Lexa’s heart flutters at the openness and affection she sees in her warm, brown eyes. She threads her fingers in Raven’s silky hair and pulls her up for a kiss. The kiss is slow and sweet, filled with intention and feeling, and the way Raven just melts into her and lets out little hums against her lips is intoxicating. And god, if this is the way Raven plans on waking her up every morning, she wants to fall asleep with her every night.

The kiss quickly becomes heated. Raven shifting her body on top of Lexa’s so she can straddle her hips. Lexa can feel Raven’s arousal, slick against her abs, and it’s so hot and Lexa is so turned on that she can’t control the moan she lets out or the way she squeezes Raven’s ass. Raven arches into her and groans, tearing away from the kiss and pressing their foreheads together as they try to catch their breaths. 

“Fuck, Lexa. I want you.” 

“I want you too.” 

Raven pulls back to look at her, and Lexa can see the swirl of lust and desire in her eyes, but also the hint of concern as she furrows her brow. She smooths her hand over one of Lexa’s breasts, massaging her nipple with her thumb. Lexa moans and arches into Raven’s touch, pulling her down by the back of her neck and reconnecting their lips. Raven hums in surprise, but is quick to adapt, angling her head perfectly so she can deepen the kiss, licking into Lexa’s mouth with her warm, silky tongue. It’s hungry and desperate and intense, and Lexa can’t help but moan and try to return it with just as much fervor. 

They continue to kiss and press their bodies together. Both of them feeling incredibly needy and aroused, trembling and aching for each other’s touch. Their movements are frantic and rushed as they grip each other’s hips and thighs, and squeeze each other’s breasts. Lexa is a squirming mess, overwhelmed by the intensity of her desire and the way Raven’s touches make her feel like she’s on fire.

Raven pulls back from the kiss for some much needed air and looks in Lexa’s eyes. “Fuck, Lexa. I want to touch you. Can I touch you?”

And god, the fact that Raven even has the self control and care to stop and be so respectful is just too much.

Lexa just nods, “Yes, god yes. Please!” Lexa breathes out, before sitting up to connect their lips and shifting so Raven is practically sitting in her lap.

Raven lets out a little ‘oomph’ as Lexa passionately kisses her. She loops an arm around Lexa’s neck, using the other to squeeze her breast. Lexa lets out a hum of approval, gripping Raven’s hips and pulling her forward. She starts to trail her fingers up Raven’s back but Raven stiffens and reaches for Lexa’s hands, placing them back on her hips. Lexa pulls back from the kiss confused.

“Ticklish,” Raven breathes out against her lips and Lexa just smiles before deepening the kiss and pulling Raven close as she once against loops an arm around Lexa’s neck and reaches for her breast, circling her nipple with her thumb. Lexa arches into her touch and moans, before smoothing her hands up Raven’s abs to her breasts. Raven moans and arches her chest forward in response, and Lexa gives them a firm squeeze.

“Fuck, Lexa!” Raven pants into their kiss, before shifting her hand from Lexa’s breast to smooth down her abs and slip between her thighs.

Lexa takes in a sharp, shaky breath as Raven makes contact with her clit. Her touch is light—just a soft, slow exploration that still somehow manages to be earth shattering and euphoric.

“Fuck, Lexa. You’re so wet.” Raven groans into her ear.

Lexa barely manages to breathe out a shaky, “Raven” against Raven’s neck, as Raven continues to increase her movements, her fingers sliding smoothly on either side of Lexa’s clit. Lexa can’t help but arch her hips forward as Raven repeats the up and down movements, steadily increasing her pace. Lexa bites down on Raven’s shoulder and moves her hands down to grip Raven’s sides, trying to hold on as a wave of pleasure begins to build.

“Fuck, Lexa. Can I go inside?” Raven asks breathlessly into her ear, and Lexa just shudders and exhales a trembling “Yes”. 

Raven slides her two fingers down once then twice, teasing her entrance before easily slipping them inside, filling Lexa up in a way she’s never felt before. They both let out a groan and Lexa sags forward, at the way Raven’s fingers seem to fit so perfectly inside of her. Raven keeps her fingers still at first, pressing soft kisses along Lexa’s neck and shoulder, giving her time to adjust to the feel. Lexa can feel the emotion welling up in her chest at Raven’s tenderness.

“Good?” Raven asks soft and humid against Lexa’s ear, and god the feeling is so exquisite Lexa just lets out a hum of approval before pulling back and connecting their lips. 

They melt into one another. 

It’s the only way Lexa can think to describe it. Their bodies are warm, covered in a thin sheen of sweat as they press into each other and sink into the kiss. They lean into each other until their foreheads are touching and when their lips briefly part so they can catch their breath, they stay pressed together, breathing each other in as Raven’s fingers start to move. 

“God, Lexa. You’re so hot!” Raven breathes against her lips before shifting to give Lexa a long and steamy kiss. It’s so warm and deep and Lexa is so turned on that all she can do is moan and arch her hips forward so Raven’s fingers can slip even further inside. 

Raven’s movements are careful at first. Her fingers stroking and curling, moving in and out of Lexa in gentle thrusts. Lexa lets out a breathy moan as the aching need to be filled is satisfied, yet still leaves her wanting more. Lexa’s hips buck forward reflexive and needy, and despite the limited movement their position creates, Raven’s fingers slip even deeper inside of her, bringing her palm to press firmly against Lexa’s clit. And fuck, it’s feels so good. Lexa can already feel her walls starting to flutter and grip around Raven’s curling fingers. She gasps when Raven hits a particularly sensitive spot, unable to stop herself from biting down on Raven’s shoulder, and Raven just moans before increasing her pace. And oh god. The feeling is so incredible and intense, and Lexa is so ready and on edge, that she barely manages to stop herself from coming embarrassingly fast. She wants this moment to last, or to at least have Raven coming with her. So she slips her own fingers down between Raven’s thighs to circle around her clit. Raven is so wet and responsive that Lexa groans and feels her own walls start to flutter at the silky feel.

“Fuck, Lexa!” Raven stutters out, panting against her neck. Her whole body shaking and her movements temporarily stilled. She pulls back to meet Lexa’s gaze, a wild and desperate look in her eyes as she reaches down her free hand to still Lexa’s wrist. “I need you to go slow, or I’m going to come too fast.” Her breathing is ragged, her eyes heavy lidded and pupils blown wide with desire, and it’s almost more than Lexa can take.

“Okay,” Lexa breathes out shakily, holding Raven’s gaze. “I’m close too. Tell me when you’re gonna come?”

Raven leans in to press their sweaty foreheads together. “Yeah,” she breathes against Lexa’s lips, giving her a sloppy kiss which Lexa returns just as messy as they both pick up their movements again.

Lexa is more careful this time, her movements still desperate but slow. She relishes in the warmth and slick of Raven’s arousal and the velvety feel it creates. Her own arousal increases as Raven takes these sharp, shuddery breaths, and starts up her steady thrusts. They quickly find a rhythm, moaning and panting and arching into one another as their bodies move in tandem, and it’s exhilarating. 

Their lips find each other in a hot and desperate kiss. Raven sucking and biting on Lexa’s lower lip before slipping her tongue inside and swirling it with her own. Lexa loves the soft smooth feel and gently sucks on Raven’s tongue. Raven moans in response, gently scratching her nails against the back of Lexa’s neck and increasing the intensity of her thrusts. She alternates between deep and shallow thrusts, making sure to curl her fingers just right. Lexa’s hips buck forward when she hits a particularly orgasmic spot, and she moans as she feels herself getting close. But she wants Raven to come with her, so she increases the movements of her fingers, circling them around Raven’s clit, and she can tell by the way Raven moans and trembles that she’s getting close too.

“Fuck, Lexa! I’m close.” Raven pants out against her lips.

“Me too!” Lexa manages to get out between gasps.

They’re speeding toward the edge now. 

Raven moves her freehand to squeeze Lexa’s breast and trace her nipple with her thumb. Lexa whimpers as a jolt of pleasure shoots to her clit and moans as Raven continues to thrust and curl her fingers inside of her, hitting the perfect spot. And Lexa can feel it. That quick build of pressure and pleasure and she barely manages to gasp out a shaky, “Raven” and increase the movement of her fingers before she’s crashing over the edge, her body trembling and jerking forward as she blisses out. 

Raven lets out a little yelp as Lexa reflexively bites down on her neck, and when Lexa slips two fingers inside of her and slides her thumb along Raven’s clit, her whole body tenses up and jerks and then she’s coming too. Her hips buck forward into Lexa’s hand as she buries her face in Lexa’s neck, groaning and shaking as her orgasm pulses through her. 

“Fuck, Lexa...” Raven murmurs against her neck, as the last waves of pleasure flow through her. Their bodies sweaty and trembling together.

When it’s finally over, they’re both trying to catch their breath and Lexa loves the way Raven’s body sags on top of her when she finally comes down from her high. They’re both so boneless and blissed out that all Lexa can manage to do is lean back and collapse on the bed, closing her eyes as Raven drags the sheet up to cover them both. She pulls Raven close, as her body lays heavy and limp on top of her, and all Lexa can think in that moment is that she never wants her to move.

****

They drift back to sleep and wake up an hour later, greeting each other with lazy kisses and sleepy grins. They’re laying on their sides facing each other. Their bodies so close that their breasts are pressed together and their legs are tangled. They gaze into each other’s eyes and breathe each other in. The moment between them is soft and intimate as they nuzzle together, and gently kiss each other’s cheeks and lips. 

Lexa starts to gently trace her fingers along Raven’s ribs, brushing her thumb over the scar that’s fully healed after Raven’s surgery to repair her collapsed lung. The scar used to make Lexa feel sick with the horrible memories associated with it, but now it just makes her heart flutter because it’s a reminder of the moment she now realizes she started falling for her. She leans in to press a kiss to Raven’s lips. The kiss is a soft, slow exploration, lacking the urgency of their previous kisses, and Lexa loves it. She continues to trace Raven’s side then lower back, but when she starts to trail her fingers up her back, Raven’s breath hitches and she’s quickly grabbing Lexa’s hand and pulling it to settle in the space between them.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, pulling back from the kiss, confused by the sudden move.

“Nothing,” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s lips before giving her a soft kiss and rolling onto her back. Lexa gives her a skeptical look feeling like once again Raven is hiding something from her that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. But Raven just squeezes her hand and gives her a reassuring smile. “Ticklish, remember?” Raven responds, and Lexa can’t help but smile back, feeling silly for overthinking things.

“Oh really?” Lexa asks coyly, unable to help herself. “Are there any other ticklish spots I should know about?” She quirks her eyebrow, gently raking her fingers over Raven’s toned abs, loving the way her breath hitches and her gaze becomes hooded. 

“If you’re lucky, maybe I’ll show you sometime.” She says smugly, pulling Lexa close and connecting their lips. And god, how is Lexa already turned on again? 

She’s not sure how long they make out, but they’re rudely interrupted by the growling of Raven’s stomach. Lexa pulls back from the kiss, unable to stop the giggle that escapes her lips. Raven just gives her this goofy and slightly embarrassed grin. 

“Hungry?” Lexa asks knowingly, and Raven just bites her bottom lip before settling her with a loaded gaze.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Raven’s tone is suggestive, and Lexa sighs in contentment when Raven leans up to trail kisses along her neck and jaw before connecting them with her lips. 

They get lost in the moment again, but before they’re too far gone, Lexa’s stomach growls and they both can’t help but laugh into the kiss.

“Hungry?” Raven teases and god, Raven is so cocky, but Lexa can’t deny the hunger she feels.

“Starving.” Lexa replies, realizing it’s true.

“Guess I did a good job of working up your appetite, huh?” Raven smirks, and Lexa can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes, despite the fact that she now finds Raven’s cockiness kind of sexy and hot.

“Look who’s talking.” Lexa replies, giving Raven one of her own smirks when Raven’s stomach growls again.

“God, who knew you could be so cocky?” Raven smirks. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s hot. I’m definitely into it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Raven says, before pecking Lexa’s lips.

“You know what I’m into?” Lexa asks suggestively.

“What?” Raven asks breathily, clearly getting turned on by Lexa’s seductive tone.

She leans down to give Raven a steamy kiss before trailing her lips along Raven’s jaw and neck and leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Breakfast.” Raven pulls back and gives her this incredulous look before letting out a burst of laughter.

“Oh my god, you’re such a dork! Lucky for you, I’m into that too.” Raven grins before leaning back in to press kisses all over Lexa’s cheeks and Lexa can’t help but giggle back. “Now Come on,” Raven says pulling back to meet Lexa’s eyes. “Let’s go eat breakfast.” 

And Lexa just smiles back and nods.

****

They get dressed, but barely. 

Raven claiming she won’t be able to control herself if Lexa doesn’t put on some clothes and Lexa agrees. Raven puts on that pair of red boxer briefs that make her ass look amazing and an old Freddie Mercury t-shirt that’s worn and practically see through. Lexa slips on a pair of lacy boy shorts and a cut off tank top that shows off the side of her breasts, not wanting to let Raven get away with being so hot. Raven’s chestnut hair is wild and unkept, her cheeks flushed and lips a deep pink, raw from so much kissing. Lexa is sure she doesn’t look much different. Her hair is a wild mane, threatening to take over her face, her lips feel kiss-bruised and almost chapped, and her body is sore in all the right places. 

Raven just looks at her and gives her this dopey smile, grabbing her hand and walking them out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Her eyes are a hazy brown, her gaze heavy lidded, filled with happiness and affection. And god, is this what being with Raven will be like? Feeling sated and satisfied and in love. If so, she never wants it to end.

They make a big breakfast together. 

Well, Lexa makes a big breakfast while Raven offers minimal help, distracting Lexa with kisses and bites, squeezing her hips and breasts. Lexa has no idea how anything edible gets made. They eat their breakfast quickly, not even bothering to clean up the mess before Raven drags Lexa back to bed and they both end up naked and trembling beneath cool sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave comments/feedback because it keeps me motivated and inspired to write and I am really struggling with that right now. :(
> 
> Also, feel free to hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven if you want to send me asks or chat!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place shortly after breakfast and more morning sex. This chapter is heavy on the angst with a hopeful ending.  
> **Trigger Warning for Mentions of Injuries from Past Abuse.**

Lexa gets her wish to see Raven in the bright light of day, and she’s even more beautiful than she could have imagined. Her skin is tan and smooth, her breasts are soft and supple, but the rest of her body is toned and made of muscle. Lexa is obsessed with Raven’s breasts and ass. She has the most perfect tan nipples, and Lexa lavishes them with attention as Raven moans and tangles her fingers in the back of Lexa’s hair.

They’re laying on their sides, kissing and making out, and Lexa reaches a hand behind Raven’s back to pull her close. When her hand makes contact with the bare skin of Raven’s shoulder blade, Lexa quickly pulls back from the kiss, feeling confused and alarmed by the bumpy texture of her skin. They’re both panting and trying to catch their breath, and when Lexa meets Raven’s gaze, her heart clenches painfully in her chest at the distressed and wild look in her eyes that quickly shifts to panic and fear.

“Raven what’s—” 

But before she has time to finish, Raven is scrambling away from her, grabbing the sheet from the bed and wrapping it around herself tightly before fleeing the room. Lexa is so worried and confused that she quickly scrambles out of the bed as well, slipping on her boy shorts and an oversized tee before making her way into the living room. Her heart sinks and she feels sick to her stomach at what she sees. Raven is curled up in the middle of the couch wrapped up in the white sheet. Her knees are hugged to her chest as tears shimmer in her eyes and the way she stares off looking so broken and lost makes Lexa’s heart feel like it’s going to break. She doesn’t know what has Raven so upset like this or what she should do or say. She has a sickening idea of what could be wrong, but she tries not to jump to conclusions or dwell on her feelings, knowing she needs to be strong for Raven right now.

She slowly makes her way over to the couch, careful to drag her feet so Raven can hear her approaching and she doesn’t startle her. She’s not sure how effective it is when she makes it to the couch and sits down on the edge, and Raven is still staring off looking lost and broken. Lexa has seen that look before. At the frat party when Lexa suggested calling the cops, under the stars when Raven told her about her mom, and during Christmas break when Raven told her about the dirty cop and the scar on her hand. Only this time the look is more severe and intense and it makes Lexa feel sick to think about what could be making Raven feel this way. 

“Raven?” Lexa says softly, trying to swallow the emotion in her throat. 

When Raven doesn’t respond, Lexa reaches out a gentle hand to squeeze Raven’s knee, needing to touch her and know she’s okay. Raven’s whole body stiffens and Lexa tries to pull back, berating herself for making such a stupid move. But before she can fully pull away, Raven reaches out to grasp her hand and turns to look at her.

“Lexa?” Raven’s voice is so fragile and weak that it takes all of Lexa’s willpower to hold back her own tears.

“I’m here.” Lexa replies gently, giving Raven’s hand a reassuring squeeze. She immediately regrets it when Raven blinks her eyes closed and tears start streaming down her cheeks. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry.” Lexa tries to soothe, not even sure what she’s apologizing for, but feeling compelled to do so all the same.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Raven manages to get out between tears. Lexa wants to argue but Raven cuts her off. “This is my fault.” She says guiltily, quickly looking away, unable to meet Lexa’s eyes as she continues to cry. Raven’s reaction only confirms Lexa’s suspicions and god, she can’t take it. 

“This isn’t your fault, Raven.” Lexa says firmly, blinking back her tears and squeezing Raven’s hand, willing her to meet her eyes. “This is _her_ fault.” Lexa says softly, tracing the scar on Raven’s palm.

Raven looks at her with panic that quickly shifts to fear, then guilt, then shame before settling into a sort of defeated resignation. Lexa hates it. She hates that she was right and doesn’t know what else to say, already feeling like she’s crossed some type of line by making such a bold statement, even if she had been right. The whole thing makes her feel sick to her stomach and fiercely protective and all she can do is pull Raven into her arms and offer her some comfort. She’s relieved when Raven sinks into her arms willingly and Lexa holds her close as she continues to cry.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Lexa breathes out softly into Raven’s hair.

“No,” Raven manages to get out between tears. “You’re right. This is her fault. I just hate that you’re right.”

“I’m sorry, I should have realized earlier when you pulled my hands away that you didn’t want to be touched there. I should have respected that.” Lexa swallows the emotion in the back of her throat as her heart twists painfully in her chest. She can’t help but feel a sense of guilt, feeling like she’s almost violated Raven in some way.

“Lexa, no.” Raven says firmly, pulling back and shaking her head. “You have nothing to be sorry about. If anything I should be the one apologizing to you for lying and not telling you about it sooner.”

“You don’t need to apologize either, Raven. I understand why you didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel comfortable enough that you felt like you could share that with me. But just know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t care what you look like. I care about you and think you’re beautiful and accept all of you. Just the way you are.” 

Raven’s eyes fill with fresh tears and she leans in to press their foreheads together. “God, how are you so perfect?” Raven asks, her voice soft and shaky. Lexa just leans into her, reaching up a hand to tuck a stray lock behind her ear before slipping her fingers to the back of Raven’s neck so she can gently massage the muscles there.

“Hey, none of that.” Lexa’s voice is soft but stern as she pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes. “You never have to thank me for accepting and caring about you, Raven. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve.”

“Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that.” Raven rasps out, her voice thick with emotion and her eyes filled with sadness and fear. She looks so vulnerable and broken.

“I know.” Lexa says softly, trying to hold her emotion back. “And that’s okay. I can believe it enough for the both of us until you get there, okay?” 

Raven doesn’t respond at first. She furrows her brow and holds Lexa’s gaze and Lexa holds her breath in anticipation as a series of emotions flash through Raven’s eyes. Lexa tries to decipher them all, wanting desperately to know what Raven is thinking and feeling. There’s guilt and shame, doubt and fear, all swirling together painfully and heartbreakingly. It makes Lexa’s heart ache, and she tries to communicate as much love and understanding as she can through her own gaze. Raven finally seems to find what she’s looking for, and Lexa’s heart flutters as Raven’s eyes shift to something more hopeful, trusting, and soft. 

“Okay.” Raven practically whispers, giving Lexa a watery smile, and Lexa just gives Raven a soft smile back before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her lips. They pull back slowly, meeting each other’s eyes before tilting their foreheads together in a soft press. They close their eyes and breathe each other in, needing the comfort and solace the closeness brings. They lean into each other and lose track of time and everything is so tenderly heartbreaking and perfect. The moment is soft and fragile, affectionate and healing, and despite all of the other moments they’ve had that were similar to this, Lexa knows that something about this one is different. She doesn’t know what it will mean for their relationship going forward, but she knows that after this there’s no going back.

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa breathes out softly, breaking the silence between them. Raven pulls back slightly so she can meet Lexa’s eyes before giving her a small nod. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you and if you want to say no you can...” Lexa trails off, trying to gather the courage for what she wants to ask. Raven gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and it gives her the encouragement she needs. “Can I see you?” She asks softly, hating how shaky her voice sounds. 

Raven lets out a deep sigh, releasing Lexa’s hand and pulling her knees back up to her chest. She wraps her arms around them tightly before leaning forward so she can rest her chin on top. She looks so small, and Lexa feels a spike of panic in her chest at the way Raven pulls away from her and curls in on herself. Maybe asking her that was pushing her too far. 

“I know I have to show you at some point since you’re my girlfriend and I can’t hide it forever. But I don’t want you to have to see it. It’s ugly.” She says that last part quietly and brokenly, and it makes Lexa feel sick to think of Raven hating any part of herself. She reaches for Raven’s hand, lacing it with her own before squeezing it so Raven will meet her gaze.

“Nothing about you is ugly to me Raven.” Lexa rushes out, holding Raven’s gaze, desperate for her to hear the truth. “You’re beautiful and a few scars won’t change that.”

“It’s not just a few.” Raven says quietly, her voice breaking, as she looks down at their joined hands in concentration. Lexa sits silently waiting for her to continue. “My mom used to have this weird obsession with fire when she got really drunk and mad. So sometimes to punish me she would stick a fork over the gas burner until it was practically glowing red and burn me on my back. At first it hurt like hell but after about a dozen times, it stopped feeling so bad. She did it on my back because she knew she had to do it somewhere that wasn’t easily seen by others. She didn’t want teachers at school seeing anything and asking questions. Guess it worked, because they never did.” Raven finishes, letting out a shaky sigh and tightening her grip on Lexa’s hand.

And its so shocking and leaves such a vivid picture in Lexa’s mind that she feels a near blinding rage at Raven’s mother, and sick at the thought of Raven suffering through something so horrible. She tries to take a deep breath to calm herself, knowing that Raven doesn’t need her rage or heartache right now, but her comfort and acceptance instead. 

“Raven, I’m so sorry she did that to you and that you had to go through that. I hate her for what she did to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. You deserve better. I know you’re nervous, but I honestly think if you show me, you’ll feel better later. I’m not going to judge you for something horrible that your mother did. But if you’re not ready and it makes you feel uncomfortable then you don’t need to, and I will respect your boundaries.”

They hold each other’s gaze for a long time.

“No, I want to. I need to.” Raven breathes out softly, her voice fragile and thin, her eyes filled with resignation and fear. 

Lexa just nods, squeezing Raven’s shaky hand and leading them back into the bedroom.

****

They walk into the bedroom and Lexa immediately takes off her clothes. Not wanting Raven to feel like she’s the only one baring all. Raven stands in front of her nervously, pulling the sheet away and letting it drop to the floor. Lexa doesn’t see anything yet since they’re standing face to face. She stands there quietly, reaching for Raven’s hand and tenderly tracing the jagged scar on her palm.

The moment between them is heavy and serious, the air around them is thick. Lexa can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for Raven, and all she wants to do is take her worry and fear away. But she knows she can’t do that. That this painful moment is part of the process of Raven finding healing and bringing them closer together. So she reaches for Raven’s wrists, pulling her close until their foreheads are pressed together, trying to offer her some comfort. Raven lets out a shaky sigh and Lexa moves her hands to Raven’s hips, gently tracing the skin there. It’s more soothing than sexual, as Lexa tries to ease Raven’s nerves. 

“Can I touch you?” Lexa ask softly, trying not to scare Raven away.

Raven takes a shaky breath, before reaching for Lexa’s hand. She squeezes her wrist and awkwardly shifts Lexa’s arm until her hand is pressed against the heavily scarred skin on her back. Raven’s breath hitches and Lexa tries not to move. Giving Raven time to adjust to the feel. She can’t imagine how vulnerable and exposed Raven must feel like this. She makes sure to keep her hand loose, not wanting Raven to detect any type of tension or discomfort on her part. Lexa will deal with her own feelings about Raven’s abuse later. For now she pushes them aside in order to be there for Raven in the way that she needs. 

“Is this okay?” Lexa asks softly against Raven’s lips, their foreheads still pressed together.

“I think so,” Raven says just as quietly, her voice thick with emotion. 

“Just tell me if you want me to stop. And we’ll stop, okay? No judgment or questions.”

“Okay,” Raven breathes out, and Lexa takes that as her cue. 

She pulls Raven even closer so their bodies are flush, wanting to offer Raven the comfort and closeness she so desperately needs. She nuzzles her face into Raven’s hair, pressing a few gentle kisses to her jaw and neck before trailing her lips down to her shoulder. She feels Raven let out a sigh as her body starts to relax, and Lexa takes that moment to chance a look over her shoulder so she can take in Raven’s scars. 

There are so many of them, Lexa has no idea how she didn’t see them before. 

She thinks back to their time together. Christmas Eve and morning when they both had their clothes on. Their first time having sex last night in the dark. This morning first with the sheet over them then sitting face to face. The second time this morning with Raven on her back and Lexa nestled between her thighs. And Lexa realizes now how actively Raven was trying to hide this from her. Always keeping her back out of sight and moving Lexa’s hands when they got too close. She wonders if anyone has ever seen Raven’s scars before. If she’s ever let anyone close enough to touch her like this and see her like this. She wonders how heavily it weighed on her until now. Wonders if Raven really thought Lexa would actually reject her or be disgusted by her. That last thought is heartbreaking, and Lexa can’t help but feel upset with herself for not doing enough to make Raven feel comfortable enough to share. But Lexa pushes the feeling aside, knowing now is not the time for her unwarranted guilt.

She pulls back and gives Raven a gentle kiss before looking into her eyes. “Bed?” She asks quietly, her heart breaking at the raw pain and sorrow swirling in Raven’s eyes and threatening to spill down her cheeks. It’s so intense that Lexa just wants to put things to a stop and break down and cry, but that’s not what Raven needs right now. So she takes a deep breath to steady her own emotions and leads them toward the bed when Raven nods. 

They crawl onto the bed, and hold each other close as the lay on their sides facing each other. Lexa takes the lead, pressing soft and tender kisses to Raven’s forehead and cheeks before trailing them down her jaw and nuzzling into the crook of her shoulder and neck. She peers over Raven’s shoulder again, taking in the scars more fully now that they’re laying down and she can get a better view. The scars are raised and neat, standing out in white rows across Raven’s tan skin. There must be dozens of them, covering most of the surface of her left shoulder blade and stretching across the space between both blades. 

Lexa has to swallow down the anger and bile in the back of her throat at the image of Raven’s mother doing this to her. The heartbreaking picture of a small Raven crying and suffering and filled with so much fear is almost more than Lexa can take. And the fact that Raven has been forced to live with such a permanent reminder of her mother’s abuse makes her feel sick. No one should have to live like this, and it’s no wonder that Raven’s abusive past constantly comes back to haunt her and weigh her down when she’s stuck with the agonizing proof of it on her back. Lexa wishes more than anything that she could take the scars away and take the painful memories away with them, but she knows that she can’t. She wishes she would have known Raven back then, wishes she could have done something to stop it from ever happening, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t care for Raven then, but she can care for her now.

So Lexa turns Raven’s body so she can carefully trace the scars before pressing gentle kisses to them. Raven starts to cry and shake and Lexa pulls back worriedly. “Raven, I’m sorry. Do you want me to stop?”

“No, please don’t. Just keep going.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa asks worriedly. “I don’t want to do this if it’s hurting you.”

“It’s not, Lexa please.” Raven pleads, and Lexa doesn’t know what to do. It seems like Raven needs this, so she leans back down, pressing gentle kisses to her scars, and breathing out comforting words in between.

“It’s okay.” Kiss. “I’m here.” Kiss. “You’re beautiful.” Kiss. 

She trails gentle kisses and comforting words all over Raven’s back, trying to offer her the comfort and acceptance she needs. They don’t have sex, it’s not the right time. This is a different kind of intimacy that Lexa knows they both need. They press their bodies together and hold each other close. Pressing kisses and tracing gentle fingers across each other’s skin. It’s beautiful and intimate and both of them feel seen in a way they never have before. Lexa feels so much tenderness and love for Raven in her heart and all she wants to do is tell her.

“Raven I—” she starts to say, but the fear in Raven’s eyes makes her switch directions. “I really care about you.”

“I care about you too.” Raven replies shakily. 

They sink into each other’s arms and hold each other’s gazes, knowing that something has irrevocable shifted between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might just be the most vulnerable thing I have ever written. It was really difficult to write and without going into too much detail about my personal life, I’ll say that this chapter hit really close to home for me. I almost didn’t post or include it because I didn’t want to bring things down and thought people might not want to read this much angst after such a fluff and smut filled chapter before. But ultimately I decided to post this because I want this relationship to feel real, and the intimacy to be real, and because this felt real to me. There are more happy times ahead for Lexaven, but this had to happen first. 
> 
> As usual please leave comments and feedback, and feel free to hit me up on tumblr at lexxaven. I’m here to talk or answer questions about this story.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines Day Part 1. It’s Valentine’s Day and these two idiots are in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it’s Valentine’s Day we are getting both POV’s. Enjoy!

_Raven’s POV_

It’s Valentine’s Day. 

As a general rule, Raven hates Valentine’s day. She’s always seen it as a pointless day that’s a perfect example of what happens when modern society gets bored and commercialism meets corporate greed. She knows there’s an actual history behind the day, and she can respect that. But the way a day to celebrate love has turned into something so commercial and shallow rubs Raven the wrong way. Especially because she thinks it’s stupid to only celebrate the love you have for someone on one day. As cheesy as it sounds, Raven thinks every day should be a celebration and appreciation of that love. As much as Raven hates the day on principle, she has a girlfriend now, and she knows that Valentine’s Day is important to her, so Raven will be damned if she doesn’t make this the best damn Valentine’s Day her girlfriend has ever had. 

Tonight is the night Raven is going to tell Lexa that she loves her. It’s such a cliche, but she knows if she can pull it off the way she has planned, Lexa will love it.

In truth, Raven is disappointed in herself for not telling Lexa sooner. She knows Lexa was about to say it the day she showed Lexa her scars and she knows that the only reason Lexa held back was because she could tell Raven wasn’t ready for it. The thing is that Raven is in love with Lexa now and was in love with her then. She’s been in love with her for awhile now. But Raven is afraid. She’s never been in love like this before and she’s never actually admitted to being in love with someone, and okay maybe Raven has never actually even been in love before, now that she knows what it’s really like. 

Raven has dated around and had her fair share of fun since coming to college, but she doesn’t have a lot of experience with serious relationships. The last serious relationship she had was Finn, the boy next door. She dated Finn from middle school to high school, until he moved away when Raven turned fourteen. But compared to what she has with Lexa, she realizes that relationship was more of a puppy love built on Finn being there for Raven at a time when she needed him the most. Finn is the reason she survived all those years with her mom until she met Sinclair. Raven loves him for it and will always be grateful to him. But in retrospect, she realizes that since she was so young, that she was never really in love with him. Not for real. Not the way she is with Lexa. 

Raven is in love with Lexa. 

She hates that her fear and insecurity are the only things holding her back, so tonight she’s going to change that. It’s Valentine’s Day and tonight she’ll be celebrating with the woman she loves. She’s taking her to a fancy French restaurant Clarke had suggested, since Raven’s main experience with food is limited to diners and takeout. Lexa deserves to be treated to something nice, so she takes Clarke’s advice and hopes for the best. Thankfully she already knows where the restaurant is, having passed by it many times while walking downtown to go to her favorite bar. 

She’s getting ready for the night in her dorm room, her roommate is thankfully out of town, leaving Raven with the place to herself. She takes her time showering, enjoying the relaxing feel of the warm water gliding across her skin. She shampoos and conditions her hair, making sure to carefully shave her armpits and legs, using her extra moisturizing body wash with vitamin E. Lexa had suggested it to her to help with her scars, and every time Raven smells the cedarwood and citrus scent, it give her this warm feeling inside. She knows Lexa hadn’t suggested it because she hates her scars or thinks they’re ugly, but because she genuinely cares. Lexa has seen all of her scars by now and knows the stories behind most and she never flinches or hesitates to touch them. She treats Raven normally and not like she’s going to break, and it has a healing and freeing effect that Raven is grateful for beyond words. 

She finishes rinsing off her body, before turning off the shower and stepping outside so she can dry herself off. She puts on lotion and deodorant before using a blow dryer to dry her hair. She brushes her teeth wanting to have fresh, minty breath for the kisses she knows they’ll be sharing tonight, then walks out into her room to search for her clothes. She puts on her best underwear and bra set, knowing that she should at least be matching tonight, even if she isn’t really into fancy lingerie. She slips on her clothes and goes back into the bathroom to put on some light makeup and style her hair before returning to her room.

She searches for the gift she got Lexa and feels relief when she locates it in the bottom of her dresser drawer. She pulls out the square velvet box, checking the contents inside before snapping it shut and slipping it into the inside pocket of her blazer. She hopes the gift isn’t too much, realizing they’ve only been dating for a month and a half, even though it feels like it’s been so much longer than that. But the gift is part of her plan, and she smiles happily at the thought as she grabs the keys off her desk, making sure her wallet and phone are in her pocket before heading out the door. As she makes her way down the stairs she reminds herself to stop by the florist on the way to pick Lexa up.

 

_Lexa’s POV_

It’s Valentine’s Day, and Lexa is at Indra’s apartment, getting ready for their date. 

She can’t help but feel excited and giddy as she waits for Raven to come pick her up. She’s never really had a real Valentine’s Day date before and the idea that she gets to dress up, go to a nice restaurant, and have sex with the woman she loves is almost beyond her. 

Raven knocks on her door at 6pm sharp and Lexa’s heart is racing so fast in excitement that she almost gets the lipstick she’s putting on her lips all over her teeth. She puts the lipstick down, taking a deep breath and smoothing down her hair before making her way to the door. She takes another deep breath before opening the door, and when she sees Raven looking so perfect holding a large bouquet of her favorite flowers, she feels her breath hitch and her knees start to wobble. Raven has left her speechless.

“Hey.” Raven breathes out softly, looking Lexa over with awe and appreciation. 

“Hey,” Lexa replies just as breathless.

“You look beautiful,” Raven says, meeting Lexa’s gaze and Lexa can see the affection and hunger in her eyes, and feels the familiar tingling between her legs. She squeezes her thighs together to relieve some of the pressure.

“You look beautiful too.” Lexa says, and god she really needs to get a grip because the only thing she’s done so far is repeat Raven’s words back to her. “Come in?” Lexa asks, proud of herself for finally coming up with something new. 

Raven nods and walks into the apartment and Lexa closes the door behind her. She hands Lexa the bouquet of flowers, kissing her on the cheek before walking into the kitchen to find a vase. She’s rifling through Lexa’s cabinets and Lexa knows she should probably try to help, but Raven looks so good, so Lexa just stands there, watching in appreciation and taking her in. She’s wearing a royal blue, velvet blazer over a silky white tank top and matte black, cropped leather pants paired with a pair of black, pointed-toe loafers. Her ass looks amazing in the leather pants, not to mention the way her tan skin looks so beautiful contrasted against the silky white of her shirt. The shirt shows off the perfect amount of cleavage that Lexa tries not to drool over, trailing her eyes up Raven’s chest to take in the way her silky, chestnut locks hang wavy and loose around her shoulders.

Lexa must be staring for longer than she realizes because the next thing she knows, Raven is stepping up to her, taking the bouquet from her hands and placing it in the vase.

“See something you like?” She asks with a glint in her eye and an amused smirk on her face. And god, how is Lexa so in love with such a cocky asshole? 

Lexa just nods, finding herself unable to speak. She makes her way over to Raven, unable to stop herself, her desire too strong. She grips the back of Raven’s neck, and presses a hand to her lower back, pulling her in for a kiss that’s hot and frantic from the moment it starts. The kiss is deep and long, and both of them are shaking and moaning as the moment becomes more intense.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Raven breathes against her lips as she pulls back to get some much needed air. “If you keep kissing me like that, we’re never going to leave this apartment.”

“I’m having trouble thinking about why that’s such a bad idea.” Lexa pants out, equally as desperate.

“Fuck, me too.” Raven breathes out, before leaning in to reconnect their lips in a hungry kiss.

The kiss quickly gets heated. Raven squeezes Lexa’s ass and arches her hips, and Lexa threads her fingers through Raven’s hair so she can pull her close and deepen the kiss. Raven backs her up against the island in the kitchen and Lexa reaches back a hand to steady herself, gripping the cold marble countertop as Raven continues to kiss her with fervor. It’s so hot and amazing and Lexa can’t ignore the ache between her thighs any longer, so she reaches to grab one of Raven’s hands and slip it beneath the hem of her dress. She moves Raven’s hand up her thigh, moaning in anticipation, and when Raven’s fingers come in contact with the edge of her silk panties, Lexa is confused when Raven’s whole body stiffens and she removes her hand before pulling back from the kiss.

“No, wait! Stop! It’s Valentine’s Day.” Raven pants out, trying to catch her breath as she meets Lexa’s eyes. “I know this is important to you, Lex. You deserve to be wined and dined and treated right.” 

Raven is so earnest, her gaze hooded and her eyes a hazy brown that Lexa knows means she’s just as turned on as she is. Lexa sighs in frustration, knowing Raven is right. Valentine’s Day is important to her, and despite how much she loves having sex with her girlfriend, she knows she’ll be disappointed later if they miss out on their date.

“You’re right,” Lexa breathes out, and Raven gives her an affectionate smile. Lexa feels herself starting to calm down and when she finally takes Raven in, she can’t help but laugh at the sight of the lipstick she was wearing smeared all over Raven’s face.

“What?” Raven asks, her gaze questioning and light.

“Um, you should probably go look in the mirror before we leave.” Lexa teases, trying not to think about how hot Raven looks covered in her lipstick. The appearance having a similar effect as seeing the marks and bruises she leaves on Raven’s skin. Lexa follows her into the bathroom, knowing her face is probably a mess too. 

When Raven turns on the light and sees Lexa’s lipstick smeared all over her face, she lets out a laugh. “Oh my god, Lexa! You totally mauled my face.”

“I’m sorry!” Lexa replies, not the least bit sorry. “You brought me my favorite flowers and showed up here looking hot like that. What did you expect?”

“Oh, you think I look hot huh?” Raven smirks.

“You know I do.” Lexa replies, rolling her eyes at Raven’s cockiness, and god will she ever get tired of bantering with her like this? Probably not, but she’ll never tell Raven that.

They clean off their faces, both of them reapplying some make up before they leave. Raven drives them to a nice French restaurant that Lexa has never been to before. It’s fancy and expensive and they can’t even read the menu because most of it is in French. Raven tells her that Clarke had suggested it. But after spending a semester abroad in Europe, Clarke has developed really bougie taste that neither of them really vibe with. They quickly decide to ditch the restaurant, in favor of pizza and beer. Lexa can tell Raven is a little disappointed at first, but everything else is booked and neither of them can stomach the idea of going back to the French restaurant, so they grab their food and head back to the apartment instead. 

Lexa is so hungry that despite her sentiments about Valentine’s Day, she’d be fine with sitting on the couch and eating pizza and drinking beer in their sweats. But Raven still has it in her mind to make the dinner nice like Lexa deserves, so she makes Lexa wait in her room while she sets some things up. 

“Raven, you know I don’t care about all that stuff.” Lexa huffs, feeling a little irritated at how hungry she feels. 

“Oh come on, Lex. Just let me do this for you. I know you’re feeling hangry right now, but it will only take a few minutes. So go!” She says playfully, giggling and pushing Lexa into her room before closing the door. And, was that really necessary?

Lexa just sighs, trying to ignore her growling stomach and sitting down on her bed so she can remove her heels. She knows Raven wants them to stay dressed up, but there’s no way in hell she’s wearing heels in the comfort of her own home. She goes over to the mirror to adjust some of the curls in her hair that are being difficult, and a few minutes later she hears a quiet knock on the door.

“Come in,” Lexa says, as she finishes adjusting her hair.

Raven walks into the room and sidles up behind her, wrapping her strong arms around Lexa’s waist and pressing a few kisses to her mostly bare shoulder and neck. Lexa sighs and leans back into her touch, gently gripping Raven’s arms and making sure to hold her gaze in the mirror. The way Raven is looking at her is almost hypnotic, and Lexa feels herself starting to get warm.

“You look beautiful.” Raven whispers into her ear, maintaining eye contact as she kisses the sensitive skin behind it. “Are you ready?” Raven asks, the look in her eyes is a mixture of soft reverence and excitement and Lexa just nods, unable to speak through the emotions swirling in her chest. 

Raven reaches down to lace their fingers together in a loose hold, before tugging at Lexa’s arm to follow. Lexa complies and waits with bated breath as Raven opens the bedroom door and pulls her into the open area of the living room and kitchen. Lexa is speechless. The room is dimly lit, the only source of light coming from a lamp in the far corner of the room and nearly a dozen candles along the kitchen island that are carefully displayed around the flowers Raven had gotten her. The table is nicely set with plates and silverware, their beer has been poured into glass tumblers, and music plays softly in the background. It’s beautiful and romantic and Lexa tries not to stare at the small velvet box in the middle of the table that’s clearly some type of gift. 

“Do you like it?” Raven asks, pulling Lexa from her thoughts, and Lexa’s heart clenches at the hopeful and nervous look in her eyes.

“I love it.” Lexa says softly before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Raven’s lips. 

Raven leads them over to the table and pulls out Lexa’s chair so she can help her scoot in, and Lexa tries not to blush at being treated with so much chivalry. She watches nearly mesmerized by the way Raven smiles at her and takes both of their plates into the kitchen to get them pizza. She holds the plates carefully as she walks back to the table and Lexa can’t help but giggle at the way she slightly bows and places the plate in front of her, like she’s an actual waitress serving her food. She tries not to smirk at the fact that there’s pineapple on their pizza, remembering how Raven used to be so against it. 

“I thought you hated pineapple.” Lexa teases, unable to help herself.

“I’m growing as a person.” Raven teases back, wiggling her eyebrows and giving Lexa a sly grin. “Plus, I know it’s your favorite and since it’s Valentine’s Day and all, sacrifices must be made.” Raven sighs dramatically, but Lexa doesn’t miss the sincerity and affection shining in her brown eyes and it’s almost more than she can take.

They eat pizza and drink beer and laugh. 

They hold each other’s hands and make fun of Clarke’s bougie taste and the snooty servers at the French restaurant. Raven tries to impersonate their waitress in one of the worst French accents Lexa has ever heard, and they both smile and laugh at how ridiculous she sounds. Lexa thinks back to New York and how Raven had tried to impersonate the Italian chef there too and god, Raven really is horrible at accents, but somehow it only makes Lexa love her more. 

Raven makes terrible jokes and plays footsies with her under the table, having removed her shoes as well, and it’s all so cheesy and romantic and perfect that Lexa honestly worries her heart is going to burst from the sheer happiness she feels. 

When their glasses are empty and their bellies are full, Raven gets up to clear the table. Lexa briefly thinks of getting up to help, but she knows that for some reason it’s important for Raven to be able to do this for her, so she lets her do it with a simple smile and a “thanks”. 

When Raven returns to the table, she sits down and reaches for Lexa’s hand, and Lexa waits in nervous anticipation as Raven reaches for the velvet box and slides it across the table.

“Open it,” Raven says softly, giving Lexa a nervous look while biting her bottom lip. 

Lexa opens the box carefully and her heart races at what she’s sees. 

It’s a bracelet. 

“It’s beautiful.” Lexa breathes out, carefully picking it up and running her fingers along the delicate, brushed gold cuff and the carefully engraved numbers and letters across the top. They look like coordinates for a map and Lexa is momentarily confused. “What do they mean?” She asks softly, slipping the bracelet on and looking up to meet Raven’s gaze. Raven’s eyes are filled with so much feeling and adoration that Lexa’s heart starts fluttering wildly in her chest. 

“They’re coordinates.” Raven says quietly, biting her bottom lip and looking nervous again. Lexa just reaches for Raven’s hand and squeezes it, gently tracing the scar on her palm in an attempt to offer her some comfort. It seems to have the desired effect as Raven lets out a sigh and starts to relax.

“What are they for?” Lexa asks quietly, knowing the answer is bound to be meaningful and significant.

Raven takes a deep breath and clears her throat, clearly trying to work up the courage for what she wants to say. Lexa is holding her breath, waiting on the edge of her seat, hoping that Raven is going to say what she thinks she’s going to say. She meets Lexa’s eyes with a steady and resolute gaze before she speaks.

“They’re coordinates for the place we were when I realized I was falling in love with you.” She says.

And no matter how many times Lexa imagined this moment between them—of Raven confessing her love to her and Lexa being able to say it back—she’s still not prepared for the way it makes her feel. Her heart is filled and bursting with so much love and emotion that she can barely speak.

“Where?” Lexa manages to breathe out, her heart racing as she waits for an answer she desperately wants to know.

“The field, where we went to look at the stars and I told you about my mom and you held me until I fell asleep.” 

Lexa is so moved by the confession that she gets up from the table and pulls Raven up to her feet and into her arms before crashing their lips together in a searing kiss. Raven melts into her, moaning into her mouth and sinking her fingers in Lexa’s hair, pulling and tilting the angle of her head so she can deepen it. Lexa groans at the feeling, reaching down to grip Ravens ass and arch into her, pressing their bodies impossibly close. The whole thing is so hot and Lexa is so in love, and she realizes that before they get too carried away she needs to say the words back.

“I love you.” Lexa pants out after pulling back from the kiss. Making sure to meet Raven’s eyes and gently cup her face with both hands. “I’m in love with you.”

“When did you know?” Raven asks softly, smoothing her hands down to Lexa’s waist and tracing gentle circles on her hips. 

“The same night.” Lexa replies. “But I started falling for you sooner.”

“When?” Raven asks breathlessly, her eyes filled with wonder and affection. 

“The day you tried to feed yourself green jello.” Lexa says and when Raven giggles, Lexa’s heart soars.

“Which one?” Raven asks, a love-drunk smile on her face.

“All of them.” Lexa breathes back, and Raven just laughs and pulls her into a kiss.

 

_Raven’s POV_

They’re kissing.

They’re actually kissing. They’re making out in Lexa’s kitchen and feeling each other up over their clothes and the whole thing is so amazing that Raven has to remind herself it’s real. Lexa is in love with her and she’s in love with Lexa and it’s everything Raven could have ever dreamed of and more.

“Bedroom?” Lexa asks breathily meeting Raven with a hooded green gaze. 

Raven nods enthusiastically, feeling so turned on that she can hardly wait. “Fuck yes,” She exhales against Lexa’s lips before pulling her close and deepening the kiss. The kiss is so hot and intense and their desire is so strong, that Raven has to wrap an arm around Lexa’s waist when she feels the way she melts into the kiss and her knees almost buckle. Lexa whimpers and grips the back of Raven’s neck to steady herself and Raven loves the way her short nails dig into her skin. And god, Raven needs them to be naked and in bed like yesterday.

They’re so hot for each other that they start shedding clothes along the way to the bedroom as they try not to run into things. Lexa pushes Raven’s blazer off and reaches for the zipper of her pants, and Raven can’t help the stream of curse words and moans she lets out when Lexa pushes her up against a wall and shoves her hand down her pants. Her fingers make contact with Raven’s clit and Raven is so turned on and wet that Lexa’s fingers almost slip right inside of her. Raven shudders at the feel and grips the back of Lexa’s hair so she can pull her into a messy kiss. The kiss is deep and needy and Raven melts into it, unable to stop herself from whimpering when Lexa starts moving her fingers on either side of her clit, skimming along the sides. The feeling is amazing and euphoric. Lexa knows exactly what Raven likes, and Raven shudders and moans as Lexa increases her pace and continues her movements.

“Fuck, Raven. I love how wet you are.” She pants out against Raven’s neck and all Raven can manage to do is groan and roll her hips forward before reconnecting their lips. She loves when Lexa talks dirty to her.

“Fuck, Lexa. That’s what you do to me. I’ve been wet for you all night.” She pants into her mouth, and Lexa lets out a hum of approval against her lips, trailing kisses down her jaw and neck before gently biting and sucking on Raven’s pulse point. 

“Fuck, Lexa! That feels so good.” She breaths out, tightening her fingers in Lexa’s hair. “I love when you mark me.” 

Raven swears she hears Lexa growl, as she increases the pace of her fingers and sucks on Raven’s neck even harder. Raven is a whimpering mess, so close to coming in such a short time. And she knows she should be embarrassed about how easily Lexa can make her come undone, but at this point she doesn’t even care. She’s past the point of no return and all she can manage to do is grip the back of Lexa’s neck and try to hold on as she continues moving her fingers and giving Raven exactly what she needs. Raven feels her orgasm start to build—that warm coil of pleasure starting between her thighs and moving up into her stomach. Lexa is moving her fingers up and down at a rapid pace, bringing Raven closer to the edge with each brush against her clit. It feels so good and Raven is so close that she can’t stop the way her hips buck forward or the steady stream of moans and gasps she breathes against Lexa’s lips. 

“Lexa, please! I need your fingers inside.” She pants out breathlessly, and Lexa barely manages to slip the tip of two fingers inside of her once, then twice and on the third time when she slips them fully inside and curls them just right, Raven is shooting off like a rocket and coming all over her fingers. White hot pleasure ripples through her as her body jolts forward and her orgasm crashes through her. She can’t stop the moans and cries she lets out or the way she claws at Lexa’s shoulders and neck as her hips jerk forward with each clench around Lexa’s perfect fingers. She rides out her orgasm on Lexa’s fingers and whimpers when Lexa pulls them out to tease her entrance, before slipping them back inside and rubbing her palm against her clit. The feeling is so mind blowing and intense that Raven is speechless, moaning and grunting and mumbling unintelligible words against Lexa’s neck. 

Lexa’s movements slow as Raven starts coming down from her high. She’s grateful for the strong arm Lexa has wrapped around her waist since she’s lost all feeling in her legs. Lexa presses gentle kisses to her forehead and temple before trailing them down to kiss Raven’s lips. Raven hums into the kiss, letting out a contented sigh as Lexa pulls back slowly, leaning their foreheads together so their noses are touching as they try to catch their breath. Raven doesn’t know how long they stay there like that, leaning into each other and breathing each other in. All she knows is that she never wants this moment to end. Lexa’s fingers feel like they belong inside of her, and she tries not to whimper at the feeling of loss when Lexa removes her fingers from between her thighs. Lexa wipes her sticky fingers on Raven’s bare stomach beneath her shirt before moving her hand to trace gentle circles on her hip. Lexa is so careful with her, treating Raven like she’s some precious thing and it’s almost more than she can take.

“So much for making it to the bedroom.” Raven breathes out softly, teasingly and Lexa pulls back and meets her gaze with a lazy smile. Her eyes are so beautiful and green, and Raven’s heart skips a beat at the look of love and fondness Lexa gives her. She’s unable to stop herself from reaching up a hand to tuck some loose curls behind Lexa’s ear and gently cup her cheek. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Lexa says, looking soft and smug and insanely hot. 

“Are you seriously apologizing for giving me an orgasm right now?” Raven asks teasingly, loving the simple banter they so easily fall into. It feels more familiar and less raw, and despite how much Raven loves Lexa and wants to be with her, there’s still a part of her that needs to ease into all of this.

“Should I be?” Lexa replies, giving Raven a teasing and challenging look.

“Hell, no! That was really fucking hot.”

“Yeah?” Lexa asks, moving so close that their lips are practically touching.

“Yeah,” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s lips, feeling herself getting turned on again by the warmth of Lexa’s body and the hungry look in her eyes.

“How hot?” Lexa asks coyly, giving Raven a sultry look.

And holy shit, who is this sexy vixen and what has she done with Lexa. “There are no words.” Raven manages to mumble out, completely distracted by Lexa’s hotness and the way she keeps biting her bottom lip. 

Raven’s eyes roll into the back of her head and she gasps as Lexa presses into her with her chest and her hips, pinning Raven in place before leaning in to bury her face in her hair and whisper in her ear. “Will you show me?” Lexa breathes out hotly into Raven’s ear before gently sucking and biting down on the lobe and Raven has to bite back a moan, as she feels herself quickly becoming aroused again. A surge of energy courses through her at the implication of Lexa’s words, and there’s nothing she wants to do more than make Lexa come and show her just how much she wants her. 

She sinks her fingers into Lexa’s hair, and gives her a gentle tug so she can see her face. Her green eyes are swirling with emotion and lust and all Raven can manage to do is breath out a breathy, “Yeah,” against her lips before giving her a steamy kiss. It’s hot and intense from the moment it starts, their tongues and lips working frantically, their bodies moving and pressing together as they continue to kiss. Lexa reaches down to grip Raven’s ass and Raven moans before pulling on Lexa’s hair so she can get some much need air, burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck and slipping her hands down to cup her breasts.

“Fuck, Lexa you look so hot in this dress.” Raven breathes out against Lexa’s neck, and she loves the way Lexa shivers and arches into her touch. 

“Bedroom?” Raven asks pulling back to look in Lexa’s eyes, and her heart stutters in her chest when she sees the desire and affection swirling in her eyes.

“Yeah,” Lexa breaths out softly before reconnecting their lips, and they kiss and stumble their way across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART 2 IS NEXT!!!! And it may just include them trying something new... 😉🔥
> 
> Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Sorry not sorry for the mild cliffhanger but I have to space out the sexy times. I can’t give you guys everything all at once! I have to leave you wanting more, just like Raven does with Lexa. 😉 Next chapter will pick up right where this one leaves off!
> 
> As always comments and feedback are appreciated and needed as this is still a work in progress and I need the motivation to keep writing so I can finish it. 
> 
> Tumblr: lexxaven


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine’s Day Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still using both POV’s in this chapter. Enjoy!

_Raven’s POV_

They make their way into the bedroom, and Raven is so turned on and desperate to make Lexa feel good that they don’t even make it to the bed. Raven just slams Lexa up against the closed bedroom door, slotting a leg between her thighs and gripping her ass. Lexa moans and arches into her and Raven can’t stop herself from burying her face in Lexa’s neck and trailing kisses all over her collarbone and neck. She starts moving her thigh in an upward thrusting motion while gripping Lexa’s ass and Lexa arches her hips forward and tangles her fingers in Raven’s hair as Raven continues to lavish her neck. She finds Lexa’s pulse point and sucks, groaning as Lexa starts taking in these sharp shuddery breaths with each press of Raven’s thigh against her clit. It’s so insanely hot that Raven wonders if she could come just from doing this. 

Something shifts between them as Lexa becomes more frantic, reaching for Raven’s hand and slipping it under the hem of her dress. Raven catches on quickly, removing her thigh and replacing it with her hand. Lexa’s panties are completely soaked, and it’s such a turn on and, “Holy, fuck you’re so wet!” Raven breaths out hotly against Lexa’s neck and Lexa just makes this needy sound in the back of her throat and arches into her hand.

Raven slips her fingers beneath the satiny fabric and sighs as she makes contact with Lexa’s clit. Loving the warm, silky feeling and the way Lexa’s breath hitches and her back bows off the door and her fingers tighten almost painfully in Raven’s hair. Raven buries her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, gently sucking on the smooth skin and breathing in her intoxicating scent. And god, everything about this moment is so fucking perfect that Raven feels like she could stay like this forever. But Lexa’s whimpers and ragged breaths bring her back to the reality of Lexa’s need, so she starts moving her fingers gentle and slow, knowing Lexa is already so close to the edge and wanting to draw this moment out. But then Lexa whimpers and bucks her hips, squeezing her thighs together and trapping Raven’s hand in place so she can get the pressure she needs. Raven pulls back quickly to take Lexa in, and fuck. Lexa is so hot and needy and Raven has this desperate urge to see all of her naked and bare.

Raven searches for Lexa’s eyes and they lock gazes as she reaches behind Lexa to unzip her dress. Raven steps back completely so she can take Lexa in as she slips the thin straps from her shoulders, watching in awe as the dress slides down Lexa’s body and pools at her feet. And holy shit, Lexa isn’t wearing a bra and she looks so wanton and needy leaning against the door, that Raven is helpless to resist. She takes her own shirt off before unhooking her bra and slipping out of her pants, wanting the skin to skin contact. Lexa eyes her longingly and Raven surges forward, connecting their lips in a desperate kiss and pressing their bodies together tightly before slipping her hand down to play with Lexa’s clit. Lexa whimpers into the kiss and arches into her hand, and Raven relishes in the feel of their warm stomachs and breasts pressed together so perfectly. She begins to move her fingers at a rapid pace, knowing Lexa is already so close. Lexa grips and pulls the back of Raven’s hair, breaking them from the kiss for some much needed air. 

“Fuck, I’m almost there.” Lexa pants against her lips, as Raven continues to move her fingers. 

The desperate look in her eyes is so beautiful that Raven never wants to look away. She holds Lexa’s gaze as she continues to move her fingers and when Lexa starts to rapidly take in these sharp shuddery breaths, Raven slips two fingers inside of her as she uses her thumb to circle her clit and within seconds, Lexa is crying out as her orgasm hits.

Lexa’s whole body stiffens and arches back, her eyes slam shut and her mouth hangs open as she lets out a breathy moan. Her hips jerk forward as she crashes over the edge and Raven can’t help but lean into her and groan at the warm and velvety feel of Lexa’s walls fluttering around her fingers. Lexa continues to let out contented sighs and moans as Raven helps her ride out her orgasm with gentle thrusts and leans down to press open mouth kiss all over her chest. Her breasts are so soft and amazing and Raven can’t resist sucking one of her perfect pink nipples into her mouth and gently biting down before releasing it with a soft pop and meeting Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa is finally starting to come down from her high, and she’s beautiful. Her hair is a wild mane of curls, her eyes a hazy green, her bottom lip is swollen and pink from the way she kept biting it to stifle her moans. She’s giving Raven this lazy and sated smile and Raven can’t stop herself from kissing her. The kiss is soft and sweet, and she loves the way Lexa takes in a sharp breath and whimpers when she removes her fingers. 

Lexa is so beautiful and hot and when they pull back from the kiss, Raven can’t help but lift her fingers to her lips and suck them into her mouth so she can taste Lexa’s come. And oh god, it’s even better than she thought it would be. Salty and sweet and incredibly addicting. Lexa gives her this look, a mixture of shock and lust, her eyes becoming hooded as she focuses on Raven’s fingers and lips.

“You taste so fucking good.” Raven can’t help but breathe out before reconnecting their lips. And she practically melts at the way Lexa just moans and deepens the kiss, sucking gently on Raven’s tongue. The way the taste of Lexa’s mouth mixes with the taste of her come is so intoxicating, and all Raven can think about is going down on her.

She pulls Lexa to the bed, removing their underwear along the way, before they lay down. They pull each other close and sink into each other as they kiss. “Do you trust me?” Raven asks as she pulls back to meet Lexa’s eyes, unable to hide the shakiness in her voice from the overwhelming desire she feels.

“Yes,” Lexa says just as soft and shaky, her eyes open and trusting and filled with desire. She’s so beautiful it makes Raven’s heart ache.

“I want to go down on you. But only if you’re okay with it.” Raven rushes out, and waits in nervous anticipation as Lexa’s eyes go wide and she bites her bottom lip.

 

_Lexa’s POV_

And oh god, this is everything Lexa has been dreading and desperately wanting since the first time Raven brought it up. She expected herself to be more nervous, but she trusts Raven and she’s so turned on and all she can think about is Raven’s tongue and lips pressed against her clit.

“I want you to.” Lexa breathes out, and her heart flutters at the desire and affection she sees in Raven’s eyes.

“Fuck, Lexa are you sure? You don’t have to say yes, just because I want it.” Raven says, searching Lexa’s eyes intently, wanting to make sure she’s certain.

“I’m not. I want this too, Raven. I’m sure if you’re sure.” Lexa says, the familiar words a comfort to them both. 

“I’m sure.” Raven breathes out softly as her eyes fill with wonder and she gives Lexa a reverent look.

Lexa swallows the emotion in her throat. In all the times that Lexa had pictured them together, she never imagined Raven being so tender and gentle with her like this. She imagined the passion and desperation, the possessiveness and lust, and even the fun and laughter. But the feather light touches, and soft shaky hands, and the way Raven is so careful and gentle with her is beyond anything Lexa could have ever dreamed of or imagined. No matter how many times it happens, it still takes her breath away.

She’s pulled from her thoughts when Raven gives her a searing kiss that leaves them both shaking and gasping for air when they pull back. Lexa is so desperate and she thinks Raven is going to go fast, but instead she takes her time. She trails steamy kisses down Lexa’s neck and breasts making sure to stop and pay extra attention to her nipples. She presses her thumbs firmly into the v of Lexa’s hips and grips the sides while licking broad strokes across her nipples. She switches between both breasts, licking and swirling her tongue around the sensitive tips before firmly sucking one into her mouth and teasing the tip with her tongue. Lexa’s breath hitches at the way her breasts tingle and arousal shoots straight to her clit, and she can’t help but think about how much she wants Raven’s mouth there instead. 

Lexa threads her fingers in the back of Raven’s hair, pushing her head down as she starts to feel desperate. Raven seems to get the hint, humming and trailing bites and kisses along Lexa’s ribs, before moving down to her stomach then her hips. Lexa feels liquid arousal pooling between her thighs, and if she didn’t feel so desperate and needy she would probably feel embarrassed by how wet she is, but at this point she doesn’t care. She just needs Raven’s mouth.

“Raven, please!” She practically begs between shuddery breaths and she can’t help the cry of relief that escapes her lips when Raven groans and puts her mouth exactly where she wants it.

Raven’s tongue is warm and smooth as it gently licks up her folds and over her clit. And holy fuck, Lexa has never felt anything this amazing before.

“Fuck, you taste so good.” Raven murmurs against her thigh before leaning back in. 

And god, the idea that Raven likes how she tastes and seems to be enjoying herself just does something to Lexa. She tries to hold on as Raven flattens her tongue against her clit, keeping it soft as she moves her head from side to side. It feels so good, and Lexa can’t help but gasp as Raven shifts to draw gentle circles around her clit with the tip of her tongue. She alternates between both movements and Lexa is pretty sure this is what heaven feels like.

The whole thing feels so amazing and euphoric that all Lexa can think about is that she wants more. She tightens her grip in Raven’s hair, arching her hips forward and rocking them back and forth in a steady rhythm. Raven holds out her flattened tongue and stiffens it, following Lexa’s movements and making sure to keep a steady pressure. She pulls back to tuck some errant strands of hair behind her ear and Lexa can’t help but whimper.

“Fuck, Lexa you’re so hot! Keep riding my tongue.” Raven breathes out before leaning back in.

Lexa is too far gone to respond so she just tightens her grip in Raven’s hair and pulls her in so she can continue their movements from before. She grips Raven’s hair and rides her tongue and the feeling is so amazing that she completely loses track of time. And god, Lexa can’t believe she’s never done this before, but a part of her is grateful for the fact that the first time she’s experiencing this is with Raven. She’s not sure how long Raven pleasures her like that, only aware of the slow, steady building of tension and pleasure, and the way Raven responds with the perfect amount of pressure when Lexa rolls her hips. Raven lets Lexa control the tempo and it’s amazing. She feels herself getting close to something, but is not quite there, when suddenly Raven pulls back and Lexa tries not to whimper at the loss of contact.

“Lexa,” Raven pants out against her thigh, and the look in her eyes is so heavy and filled with lust that Lexa almost gasps. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yes, god yes, Raven! Your tongue feels so good.” Raven gives her a lazy smile, Lexa’s arousal glistening on her lips and chin, and she looks so beautiful that Lexa’s heart clenches in her chest. 

“Is it okay if I try something else? It will feel really good, I promise.”

Lexa’s pulse starts to race at the implication of Raven’s words. What Raven has been doing so far has been so amazing, she can’t imagine something else feeling better. But she trusts Raven, so she nods. And Raven gives her this look of gratitude and excitement before placing a kiss on her hip and trailing her lips down Lexa’s thigh until she hovers them over where she wants them the most. Lexa shudders as Raven lets out a warm breath and moans. 

“So wet.” Raven breathes out before leaning in and pressing a long, open mouth kiss to Lexa’s clit. 

Lexa is once again overwhelmed by the pleasure she feels. The way Raven’s lips envelope her clit, creating a warm seal that gives her just the right amount of pressure and suction. It’s somehow too much and not enough all at once, and it feels so good that Lexa feels like she’s floating and can hardly breathe. She reaches down a hand to thread her fingers through Raven’s hair and hold her in place, needing to tether herself to the moment. She barely registers as Raven reaches up to grasp her free hand, lacing their fingers together and and settling them on her hip. 

Raven pulls back, to meet Lexa’s gaze before saying, “I’m going to suck you.” Then dips her head back down and sucks on Lexa’s clit.

“Fuck!” Lexa cries out, bucking her hips. Unable to stop herself when a jolt of overwhelming pleasure shoots through her whole body. She grips her fingers in Raven’s hair almost painfully tight, and Raven just moans and hums against her and, “Holy fuck!” Lexa cries out as her whole body arches off the bed at the feeling of the vibrations on her clit.

Raven pulls away abruptly, meeting Lexa’s eyes with a worried look. “Too much?” She pants out breathlessly against Lexa’s thigh. 

Lexa shakes her head furiously, unable to contain the desperation she feels. “No, keep going!” 

Lexa has no idea how she manages to string words together in a coherent sentence. But she’s grateful that she has when Raven gives her a hungry look and moves back in to suck Lexa’s clit between her lips. Lexa whimpers at the feeling, caught up in a haze of lust. Raven’s sucks start out slow and gentle and Lexa tries to maintain eye contact with her. But when she starts to suck harder and tease the tip of Lexa’s clit with her tongue, Lexa closes her eyes and arches back on the bed as the feeling becomes all consuming. 

God, this feels so good. Lexa has never felt something so exquisite in her life. She’s helpless to control her moans and gasps as Raven continues to suck and tease her clit. She’s so close and when Raven slips two fingers inside of her and curls them just right, Lexa is coming so hard her whole body convulses and her hips thrust erratically as she rides out the most intense orgasm of her life. 

The aftershocks seem to last a long time, as Raven moans and expertly licks and curls her fingers to extend the orgasm as long as possible. Lexa isn’t sure how much more her body can take so she pulls at Raven’s hair and squeezes her hand, and when Raven gives a final curl of her fingers inside of her, Lexa’s whole body tenses up one last time before collapsing bonelessly on the bed. 

Her body is so overwhelmed with pleasure that she barely registers Raven kissing up her body and settling comfortably against her side. Her arm and leg thrown over Lexa’s torso and hips. She nuzzles into Lexa’s shoulder, humming and pressing kisses to her neck and all Lexa can do is let out contented sighs and try to wrap her arm around Raven’s back so she can pull her close.

Raven presses into her and gives her a deep, sloppy kiss and Lexa can’t help but moan at the taste of herself on Raven’s lips. She never thought she would be the type of person to like something like this, but the taste of her own arousal mixed with the taste of Raven’s tongue and lips is intoxicating.

She pulls back from the kiss and meets Raven’s gaze, and can’t help the deep affection she feels at the pride and satisfaction she finds in her brown eyes.

“How was it?” Raven asks, holding her gaze and gently trailing her fingers up and down Lexa’s side.

“Do you even have to ask?” 

“That good, huh?” Raven says smugly, giving her a lazy grin.

And normally Lexa would roll her eyes at Raven’s cockiness, but in this case it’s well deserved. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I just want to do it all the time.” Lexa confess, feeling her cheeks flush at how bold and honest she’s being. Raven gives her this hungry look before slipping her hand up from Lexa’s side to gently squeeze her breast.

“That could be arranged.” Raven says lowly, before leaning in to suck on Lexa’s neck and slip a hand between her thighs. 

Lexa is so sensitive, that she gasps and reaches to grip Raven’s wrist, effectively stilling her movements. “Too soon.” She breathes out against the top of Raven’s head and Raven just chuckles and sighs before scooting back up to give Lexa a gentle kiss and rest her head on the pillow they’re both now sharing. 

 

 _Raven’s POV_

They lay there quietly as Lexa recovers. 

Raven knows that an orgasm from oral sex can be really intense and that Lexa needs more time. She can’t help but feel a sense of pride at the way she was able to make Lexa come so hard. The knowledge that she’s the first person to ever go down on Lexa only boosting her pride to a whole new level. Lexa was so wet and ready for her and the way she tasted and pulled Raven’s hair was so exquisite and intense that Raven knows she’ll never get tired of making her come like that. She feels herself getting turned on again by just the memory, and she’s only pulled from her thoughts when Lexa reaches for her ribs and gently traces the scar on her side.

She meets Lexa’s gaze and there’s a look of concern and insecurity in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” Raven asks, feeling worried at Lexa’s sudden shift in mood. Did Raven push things too far? Was Lexa not as ready as she thought she was.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just feel bad.” Lexa says quietly, looking down at the hand she’s tracing on Raven’s side. Raven feels her heart clench in her chest. Maybe Lexa wasn’t ready and Raven pushed her too far.

“Is it something I did? I’m sorry if I pushed you too far, Lex.” 

“No, you didn’t!” Lexa rushes out, her eyes going wide as she reaches to grip Raven’s hand, holding it in the space between them and gently tracing the scar on her palm with her thumb. The familiar motion has a soothing effect and Raven feels herself relax at the admission of Lexa’s words.

“Then what is it?” She asks softly, wanting Lexa to feel comfortable enough to share.

“It’s just, I don’t think I’m ready to return the favor like that yet. I’m sorry.” Lexa says quietly, her cheeks blushing in embarrassment as she struggles to hold Raven’s gaze. And Lexa is so adorable and sweet and Raven is so in love, and god Lexa really needs to stop apologizing for things she has no business being sorry for.

“Lexa,” Raven says sternly, forcing Lexa to meet her gaze. “You have got to stop apologizing for shit like that. In no way was I expecting you to be ready for that tonight. If you’re not ready then you’re not ready, and if you never want to do it then you never have to do it. I didn’t go down on you so you would go down on me. I did it because I like doing it and wanted to make you feel good. If I didn’t like it, then I wouldn’t have done it.” 

“Thank you for being so patient with me.” Lexa says softly as tears gather in her eyes, and Raven hates the insecurity she sees. 

“Lexa, we’ve been through this before. You never have to thank me for respecting your boundaries. It’s not something special, it’s what you deserve.”

“I can still be thankful for it.” Lexa replies, her voice earnest and sincere.

“Yeah, I mean I guess you can. But I never want you to feel bad for telling me what you like or don’t like. What you want or don’t want. You could never disappoint me by sharing that stuff with me. I want to know those things, and I hope you know you can be honest with me.”

“I do.” Lexa says more firmly this time and Raven feels relieved at the confidence and certainty she sees in her eyes.

“Good,” Raven says, leaning in to peck her lips. 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t return the favor in other ways.” Lexa says lowly, settling Raven with a suggestive look. And god, Raven will never get over how fucking sexy Lexa can be sometimes.

“Oh yeah, what did you have in mind?” Raven banters back, unable to help herself and eager to see what Lexa has in store.

“Hmm, I think I’d rather show you than tell you.” Lexa says coyly, and yeah Raven is definitely into this confident, sexy version of Lexa. 

“Talking is definitely overrated.” Raven breathes out, as Lexa hovers over her and leans in to give her a deep and languid kiss. 

“Fine, then I’ll show you.” Lexa breathes out in the hot, humid space between them.

Then there is no more talking, only shaking and moaning and bliss.

****

Raven is laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to catch her breath. Lexa just gave her another earth shattering orgasm, and she’s so happy and blissed out that she never wants this night to end.

“God, how did we get to be like this?” Raven wonders out loud. “Telling each other ‘I love you’ on Valentine’s Day? We’re such a fucking cliche.” She adds, unable to stop herself from seeing the humor in it.

“I don’t know,” Lexa shrugs. “I think there’s something kind of romantic about it.” She says, before smiling and kissing Raven’s neck. And god, Lexa is so beautiful.

“Romantic, huh?” Raven asks, trying not to get distracted by Lexa’s lips.

“Mmhmm,” Lexa hums again her neck and Raven can’t help but shiver. 

“Raven Reyes does not do romantic.” She says huskily, trying not to moan. She’s trying to make a point, but somehow she’s already so turned on again with the way Lexa is kissing and biting her neck, that she’s having trouble focusing. 

“Um, hate to break it to you, but when it comes to the romance department, you’re a total sap.” Lexa says, giggling at the offended look on Raven’s face.

“Well, it’s your fault!” Raven teases, unable to help herself.

“Sorry not sorry.” Lexa grins.

“Someone’s feeling sassy tonight.”

“Mmhmm.” Lexa murmurs as she connects their lips in a steamy kiss. “Your fault.” She says, pulling back.

“You’re ruining my reputation as a badass.” Raven pouts as Lexa tries to stifle a laugh.

“Pretty sure that was ruined when you served me a romantic dinner of pizza and beer and gave me that bracelet.”

“Ugh, you’re right. Why does love do this to people? Make them so sappy and gross?”

“Hey, for what it’s worth, I still think you’re a badass.” Lexa says, pecking Raven’s lips.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, unable to hide the giddiness she feels at the idea that her girlfriend still thinks she’s a badass.

“A badass with a good ass.” Lexa quips while reaching to squeeze Raven’s ass, and it’s so unexpected and adorable that Raven just bursts out laughing. Lexa starts laughing too, burying her face in Raven’s neck and raking her fingers along her side.

Raven doesn’t know how long they lay there laughing like that, but when Lexa pulls back and looks at her with her sparkling green eyes and a goofy grin, Raven can’t help but breathe out, “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Lexa says, just as breathlessly and she smiles before leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Will you be mine?” Lexa asks, pulling back to search Raven’s eyes.

“Always.” Raven responds.

And god, Raven knows its cheesy as fuck and a total cliche but she doesn’t even care at this point. Lexa has turned her into a complete sap. And okay, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t the worst day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think in the comment section below! I am struggling with motivation to finish this story and comments really help me.
> 
> As always feel free to hit me up on tumblr: lexxaven


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic and sexual bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven’s POV.

Lexa is in love with her. 

Lexa Woods is in love with her and she’s in love with Lexa and god, how did Raven get so fucking lucky? 

Raven has never been this in love before. Has never felt so many good and happy feelings before, and sometimes it’s almost more than she can take. There are times when her past comes back to haunt her and she hates it. She still has trouble trusting Lexa and opening up to her, despite the fact that she’s in love with her and that Lexa has more than proven herself trustworthy. Lexa is always so understanding and patient with her, and every time Raven opens up to her, it gets a little bit easier.

The sex between them is amazing and frequent. Though both of them having roommates does complicate things. They hook up in the dorms when they know their roommates will be in class, but more often than not, they find themselves staying at the Palo Alto apartment when it’s empty. 

They spend their evenings eating together and studying. Most of the time it’s takeout since neither of them are very good cooks, but every once in awhile Lexa finds a recipe she wants to try out and it usually turns out fine. On the occasions that it doesn’t, Lexa gets so sad and disappointed that Raven does her best to cheer her up with pineapple pizza or sex—sometimes both.

When their schoolwork is done, they cuddle up on the couch and watch tv. Sometimes they argue about what to watch, Lexa hating Raven’s obsession with reality competition shows, claiming they are too repetitive and scripted. Lexa’s taste in shows is more highbrow and Raven thinks most of the shows she likes are slow and boring. But they compromise, deciding to watch one episode of each person’s show in the evening. It’s kind of annoying at first, but eventually they adjust and after some time they end up secretly liking each other’s shows. They spend almost every night together. Making love or cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Their lives twine together so seamlessly and Raven loves the domestic bliss of it all almost as much as she loves the sex.

And, oh god, the sex.

Raven has always been the type of person who’s enjoyed sex. When she wasn’t getting it from other people she was happy to get herself off with her fingers or vibrator. She’s always had a healthy sexual appetite, but something about being with Lexa makes her feel excessively horny. Like she honestly can’t ever remember feeling so consistently aroused like this in her life. She starts losing count of the amount of underwear she ruins every day just thinking about her. 

Lexa might just be the death of her.

Honestly, Raven can’t help it. It’s just that Lexa is so hot and beautiful, and when they come together it’s so incredible and mind blowing, and the way Lexa’s green eyes look right before she comes is the most breathtaking thing she’s ever seen. So yeah, Raven is a complete sap who’s always horny when it comes to Lexa. 

It’s ridiculous really. 

She day dreams about her, has sex dreams about her when they're apart, and sometimes she even has sex dreams about her when they're sleeping in the same bed together after they've already had sex. The latter occurrence usually always leads to morning sex. The dreams are hot and realistic and when Raven wakes up from them, she’s desperate to bury her face between Lexa’s thighs and wake her up with the swirl of her tongue and the press of her lips. It’s always so hot and intense, and Lexa tastes so good and comes so hard that Raven just wants to stay between her legs all day.

Raven actually starts to worry that she’s becoming a sex addict. She brings it up to Lexa one night when they’re laying naked on top of cool sheets after giving each other multiple orgasms. And it’s barely been ten minutes but Raven already feels ready to go again. She groans and rolls onto her side, facing Lexa and taking her in.

And god, she just has to sigh because Lexa is so fucking stunning.

Lexa is stretched out on her back looking relaxed and thoroughly fucked, and all Raven can think is that she’s breathtaking. Her body is lithe and toned, covered in a thin layer of sweat that makes her lightly tanned skin glow. Raven trails her eyes from the thin landing strip of hair between Lexa’s thighs, up past the dip in her hips and slightly toned abs, before slipping up over the supple curve of her breasts to focus on her perfect, pink nipples. She can’t help but reach out to cup one of Lexa’s breast. Marveling at the way it fits so perfectly in her hand and the way the nipple hardens when she strokes it with her thumb. Lexa’s breath hitches, and Raven looks up to meet dazzling green eyes and kiss swollen lips and god, everything about this moment is so fucking perfect. 

Raven scoots closer so she can kiss Lexa’s soft and pouty lips, driven by her overwhelming desire and helpless to resist. They let out shaky moans as their lips finally meet, and it feels so fucking right that all Raven can think is that Lexa is everything. That this moment between them—this kiss—is everything. It’s hot and heavy and deep, and they’re both unable to stop themselves from moaning into each other’s mouths and deepening it. It’s a slow, languid unfurling of passionate desire and burning need as they sink into the kiss and revel in the familiar glide of hot tongues and warm lips, moving together so seamlessly. Their lips meld together so perfectly as their tongues stroke thorough and deep, the heated, silky feeling causing them both to shudder and shake. 

They pour themselves into the kiss, giving and taking what the other has to offer, and getting lost in the passionate rhythm. It’s raw and all consuming, filled with so much passion and feeling that Raven can’t help but arch her body forward and grip Lexa’s hair, even as her hands start to uncontrollably shake. She can’t believe how emotional and needy she feels. Her need for Lexa an insatiable desire that she can never fully satiate. The more she gets of Lexa, the more she wants her. And it’s a heady and all consuming level of desperation and need that Raven has never felt before. It’s so intense that it scares her. Wanting so much and needing so much. Feeling so out of control. It’s as terrifying as it is addicting and Raven wants to run from it, as much as she wants to get helplessly lost in it and let it consume her.

“God, Lexa. You have no idea what you do to me.” She exhales against Lexa’s lips, loving the hot, humid way their breaths mingle together as they breathe each other in. 

Lexa pulls back and meets Raven’s eyes with a hooded green gaze, and the desire she finds swirling in her eyes is so intense that Raven is unable to stop the low, needy groan from escaping her lips. Lexa’s pupils blow wide with desire, and Raven watches with bated breath as Lexa slips a hand up to cup her cheek. She smooths her thumb across Raven’s cheek and gently strokes, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear with her free hand and holding her gaze.

“Tell me.” Lexa says breathlessly, and god Raven can’t handle it.

“I think you may have turned me into a sex addict.” She says, leveling Lexa with a serious gaze. She knows she probably sounds ridiculous but she can’t help it. 

“A sex addict?” Lexa asks, giving her an amused look and biting down on her lower lip, trying and failing to hold back a giggle. Raven feels her cheeks flush.

“Don’t laugh at me Lex, I’m serious!” She responds, burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck, trying to hide her embarrassment. She feels awkward and Raven Reyes does not do awkward. But Raven feels awkward after her admission and she doesn’t know why. Maybe it’s because she basically just admitted to how weak and needy Lexa makes her feel, and Raven Reyes does not do weak and needy, and god Raven really needs to stop talking about herself in the third person and making blanket statements about herself like that because they’re obviously not true. “This is your fault anyway.” She mumbles against Lexa’s neck.

“My fault?” Lexa asks letting out a little amused noise. 

“Yeah, I never felt this way until I met you.”

“Raven...” Lexa trails off in a somewhat disbelieving tone.

“No, I’m serious Lex. This is extreme.” She says, pulling back to meet green eyes. “Like I literally want to be having sex with you all of the time and I can’t stop thinking about it. You have no idea how many pairs of underwear I ruin throughout the day just thinking about you.”

“Really?” Lexa asks, surprise in her eyes but lacking any judgment.

“Yes, really.” Raven pouts, burying her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck again. “I don’t get it. I’ve had sex with other girls before, and it’s never been like this with them. I would have sex with them and scratch that itch and be perfectly content. But with you it’s different. When I have sex with you, it’s the most satisfying experience of my life, but it always leaves me wanting more. It’s like one time with you will never be enough, like I want it all the time. What’s wrong with me?” That last part is practically whispered out against Lexa’s neck after Raven realizes how open and vulnerable she’s been.

“Nothing’s wrong with you Raven.” Lexa says softly, rolling them to their sides but keeping Raven close. Raven keeps her face pressed into the crook of Lexa’s neck and feels her heart tremble as Lexa presses a kiss to her temple and runs her fingers through her hair. She tries to accept Lexa’s words but for some reason she can’t.

“How can you say that after everything I just shared?” 

“Have you ever been in love with any of these other girls before?”

Raven pulls back, looking confused. “You think all of this is because I’m in love with you?”

Lexa just shrugs. “What else could it be?”

And really? What else could it be. Raven supposes love is as good of an explanation as any. She’s even more certain now that she’s never been in love before until she met Lexa, because the desire and need she feels is so strong that sometimes it scares her.

“It scares me.” Raven says quietly, finally feeling relief at admitting her fear out loud. 

“What does?” Lexa asks softly, her eyes compassionate and curious.

“How much I want you. How much I love you. It scares me sometimes. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else.”

“I know what you mean.” Lexa breathes out, and Raven searches her eyes for the truth. “Sometimes it scares me too.” And Raven is honestly surprised, she had no idea Lexa was feeling the same way. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone else before either,” Lexa continues. “It’s like this all consuming force drawing us together, and sometimes I wonder if I was in love with you from the moment I met you. If I was always meant to love you.” Raven is breathless as Lexa swallows and strokes her cheek. “I’ve spent my whole life convincing myself that things like soulmates and fate aren’t real, no matter how much I wished they were. But then I met you and everything changed. For so long I’ve been so afraid to love anyone or let anyone in, but something about you made me want to be brave.”

The words are so beautiful and sincere that Raven feels like her heart is going to burst. The love between them feels epic and meaningful, and has Raven believing in all kinds of things she’s never believed in before—romance and destiny, star-crossed lovers and fate, and all of the other things about lovers and love that Shakespeare and the poets have written about. She wants to believe in all of those things, wants to believe in the love she and Lexa have for each other. That it’s powerful enough to overcome any obstacle and any odds. She wants to believe, but it’s hard. She’s seen enough heartbreak and tragedy in her twenty-one years to last a lifetime, and Raven just hopes that their story doesn’t turn out to be something tragic. 

She’s so consumed by her love and need for Lexa that she knows if she ever lost her it would break her, and that’s the part that scares her the most. Raven has already been broken so much by life, and she’s not sure how much more heartbreak she can take. But as much as it scares her, the love and desire she has for Lexa drives her and gives her a confidence and courage that she’s never felt before. And laying here with Lexa like this, wrapped up in each other’s arms and pressing against warm skin, it’s hard for Raven to hold onto her fear when being with Lexa makes her feel so safe. 

Raven is a woman of logic and science, but as hard as she tries this thing between them—this love—can’t be easily quantified or explained, analyzed or broken down into parts. Falling in love with Lexa is like taking a leap of faith into the unknown, and it goes against everything Raven has ever lived by or believed in, but in the end she’s helpless to resist the pull between them.

She knows it scares Lexa too. That Lexa has experienced hurt and loss in her life that no one should have to. She shudders to think about a small Lexa, bouncing around from house to house, being ignored and unwanted and unloved. The idea is as heartbreaking as it is unfathomable to her. How could anyone not want or love Lexa? She’s so smart and beautiful and has a level of depth and compassion that are unparalleled and that Raven is in awe of, especially considering what she’s been through. And the way that she’s able to open herself up to love again, after experiencing the loss of her parents and the loss of Costia, is so brave and courageous that Raven can’t help but admire her. 

Raven wonders if she would have turned out differently if her own circumstances had been different. If her mom hadn’t been an addict, if she’d gotten out of her home sooner and put into foster care. If she’d stood up for herself and reported her mom. If she’d told the Sinclair’s more so they could have helped her get out. She’s happy she found the Sinclair’s when she did. She was so close to giving up on life and love and believing in anything good, and she doesn’t even want to think about how she would have turned out if she hadn’t met them at all. Maybe she would have given up on herself and maybe she would have given up on life. Maybe she would have given up on the idea of having a happy and normal life and would still be stuck in LA with her mom, following in her footsteps. Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten into Stanford and wouldn’t have met Lexa. She hates that last part more than anything.

She leans in to kiss Lexa’s lips, unable to stop herself from the desperation she feels for her. The kiss is so intense and the passion is so real, and Raven can already feel the words she wants to say bubbling up in her chest and forcing their way out of her mouth. 

“You make me want to be brave too.” Raven says breathlessly, pulling back from the kiss and meeting Lexa’s gaze. “Your love makes me brave. I’ve spent so much of my life building up walls and keeping people out, always so afraid of getting close and getting hurt. But you made me feel safe enough to let those walls down, and I’ve never been more afraid or certain about anything in my life. I love you so much it scares me, but I’ve never felt more safe. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so safe or loved before. I was always so afraid. Living like a coward until I met you.”

Something in Lexa’s eyes shifts, her brow furrows and her eyes become serious and intense as she gently shakes her head. “You were never a coward, Raven. You’re the bravest person I know. I think loving me just gave you the chance to prove it. Gave us both the chance to prove it.” 

And god, how did Raven get so lucky to find someone so beautiful in so many ways. 

Raven’s heart is fluttering uncontrollably at this point; emotion thick in her throat and tears gathering in her eyes. She’s too overwhelmed to speak, and all she can do is nod and slip a hand over Lexa’s heart, gently stroking it with her thumb and sucking in a sharp breath when she feels it stutter and start to race. The way Lexa looks at her has Raven feeling so raw and desperate and all she wants to do is sink into Lexa and get lost in her warmth and touch. Lexa seems to have the same idea because before Raven even gets a chance to do anything, Lexa rolls them over so she’s on top and gives Raven a searing kiss. It’s so intense and amazing that Raven gets lost in it. This kiss is more than just a kiss. It’s a declaration, a promise, a defining moment connecting them together in an inexplicable way. Every sigh, and touch and moan, filled with its own intention and meaning, knitting them together so tightly that’s it’s hard to tell where one of them ends and the other begins.

In this moment, they begin and end together. 

Raven doesn’t know how long they kiss like that. Slow and deep, filled with the promise of something more. She’s so lost in the feeling of Lexa’s warm tongue and lips that she whimpers at the feeling of loss when Lexa pulls back from the kiss. The feeling doesn’t last long though as Lexa begins trailing steamy kisses down Raven’s jaw and neck, before moving on to her collarbone and breasts. She licks her way down Raven’s breast and latches onto her nipple, sucking and swirling it with her tongue. Raven moans and closes her eyes, sinking her fingers in Lexa’s hair and holding her in place. Her nipples are so sensitive and the feeling is so mind numbing and arousing that Raven can already feel the slick of her arousal forming between her thighs. 

Lexa trails her lips from one nipple over to the other, and it feels so good that Raven whimpers and tightens her grip when Lexa sucks and lets out a little hum. The vibration sends a jolt of arousal straight to her clit, and Raven can’t help but let out a breathy moan and pull Lexa up for a kiss, desperate for her tongue and lips. 

They kiss and it’s everything. Lexa’s whole body arches and presses into her, and Raven relishes in the feeling of Lexa’s warmth and weight as she settles on top of her. The feeling is so amazing and feels so right that Raven gets lost in it. She wants them to stay like this forever, and she can’t help but wonder if their bodies were always made to come together like this. If the universe or whatever deity is out there crafted them for each other. And god, Raven can’t believe she’s even thinking like this, but something about being with Lexa makes it all feel so true. 

Lexa is perfect for her and Raven can’t imagine being with anyone else.

Raven reaches up her hands, sinking them in Lexa’s hair so she can pull her even closer and deepen the kiss. Lexa angles her head just right, humming into the kiss and smoothing a hand up Raven’s stomach to squeeze her breast and circle her nipple with her thumb. It feels so good and Raven sucks in a sharp breath as Lexa applies just the right amount of pressure, her thumb gliding smoothly and easily over the sensitive tip from the combination of Lexa’s saliva mixed with Raven’s sweat. Raven’s nipples start to tingle and a seemingly endless stream of little electric like shocks travel between her nipples and clit. And fuck, the whole thing is so erotic and overwhelming that Raven can’t help the short, breathy gasps and moans she hums against Lexa’s lips every time a shock of pleasure flows through her. She arches into Lexa’s touch, needing to feel more, her hips bucking forward of their own accord and pressing her center against Lexa’s thigh. Raven is so wet that she easily glides over the smooth surface of Lexa’s skin, and when Lexa starts steadily pressing into her Raven wonders if she could come just from doing this. 

Lexa continues her movements, pressing into Raven with her thigh and circling her nipple with her thumb, only briefly stopping to get more spit. Lexa pulls back from the kiss and leans down over Raven’s breast, and Raven watches breathlessly as Lexa licks her nipple and meets her with a hooded green gaze before releasing a small string of spit. It covers the sensitive tip and Lexa rubs it with her thumb, and it’s so fucking hot that Raven feels powerless against her own urges. She can’t stop the feelings of lust and desperation that take over and can’t help the way she practically growls and pulls Lexa up almost forcefully into a kiss. 

Lexa returns the kiss with just as much fervor as they continue their movements from before, only this time more desperate and intense. The moment between them stretches on as Raven gives herself over to Lexa’s touch, rolling her hips into Lexa’s thigh. The whole thing makes her feel so impossibly wet and aroused and Raven feels herself starting to ache for Lexa’s fingers between her thighs. The need to be touched and filled leaving her a desperate and squirming mess. 

“Lexa, please!” Raven breathes out desperately, tearing herself away from the kiss as she tries to catch her breath. Loving the way Lexa groans and buries her face in her neck.

“Fuck, what do you want?” Lexa pants against her neck, causing goosebumps to break out across her sweaty skin.

“Your fingers.” Raven says just as breathless, moaning when Lexa starts sucking on her neck. 

And fuck. 

Raven feels so out of control with her desperation and need that she’s grateful when Lexa lets out a soft sigh and slows things down. She trails her fingers down Raven’s side, skimming across her ribs and stopping at her scar so she can gently stroke it with her thumb. Raven feels her heart flutter and ache at the reminder the scar brings—after the attack, when Lexa started falling for her and Raven was forced to let her in. It was the first step towards something more for them, and no matter how Raven got it, she’ll never stop being grateful for what it symbolizes to them. 

Lexa pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes and god, Lexa’s eyes are so beautiful and green, filled with adoration and love and it makes Raven feel so full inside that she feels like her heart is going to burst out of her chest. The feeling is so overwhelming that Raven can’t help but stare at Lexa in awe, holding her breath in anticipation as Lexa moves to squeeze her hip and trail her fingers across her stomach before slipping them between her thighs. 

Raven exhales before sucking in a sharp breath as her whole body arches off the bed and her hips buck forward as Lexa makes contact with her clit. She can’t stop the strangled moan that escapes her lips as her arousal makes it easy for Lexa’s fingers to slide through her. Lexa gently presses two fingers on top of her clit before moving them in small, gentle circles. The feeling is so amazing and with each circle Lexa makes, she brushes against the sensitive tip of Raven’s clit and it feels like a never ending stream of small electric shocks that spark from her clit and travel up her stomach and chest and settle at the base of her skull. It makes her nipples tingle, her pulse race, and her breath catch in the back of her throat every time she tries to breath in. 

Raven bends her legs and spreads them further apart to give Lexa better access. In the process the top of her thigh presses into Lexa’s center and holy fuck, Lexa is so wet. Lexa topples forward, her body falling heavy and limp as she buries her face in Raven’s neck and lets out a strangled moan. Raven can’t help but feel even more aroused at the idea that Lexa is getting off on this just as much as she is. Raven is too lost in her own bliss to even try to return the favor and all she can manage to do is close her eyes and keep her leg bent so Lexa can grind on it. 

“Raven,” She hears the strained and husky sound of Lexa’s voice as she pulls back from her neck and moves into a more upright position. 

Raven drags her eyes open slowly, lost in a sea of sensations, and when her eyes finally focus and she meets Lexa’s gaze a feeling of warmth and awe settle in her chest. Lexa is so beautiful. Poised above her in all of her naked glory. Her golden brown locks are wild and tousled, thrown mostly over one shoulder. Her green eyes are hooded and filled with desire, and the way her chest heaves and sweat trickles down her sternum as she continues to grind on Raven’s thigh and play with Raven’s clit, causes a rush of liquid arousal to gather between her thighs. 

They hold each other’s gazes as they find a steady rhythm and it’s one of the most intimate experiences Raven thinks they’ve ever had. They’re both chasing their release, so close to the edge when suddenly Lexa decides to pull back and slow things down again. Raven wants to cry out in frustration but the look Lexa gives her tells her she’s about to give her everything she wants and then some. So she takes a deep breath and holds Lexa’s gaze, trying to catch her breath before Lexa does something else that makes it impossible to breath.

“You’re so beautiful,” Lexa breathes out, soft and needy, and the way she slowly and appreciatively drags her gaze over Raven’s naked form feels like a soft caress and it makes Raven feel so much that she can hardly breathe. 

Her need to touch Lexa and feel the soft warmth of her skin is so overwhelming that Raven can see the way her own hands shake as she reaches out to squeeze Lexa’s hips, smoothing her hands up Lexa’s stomach and ribs before settling them over her breasts. Lexa’s breasts are so soft and pliant, and Raven gives them a gentle squeeze, loving the way they fit so perfectly in her hands, like they were made for her. Raven watches breathlessly as Lexa tilts her head back and lets out a contented sigh as Raven begins circling her nipples with her thumbs, loving the way her nipples harden in response. And god, Raven doesn’t even know how it’s possible that she feels like she actually might come just from watching Lexa like this. 

Lexa is wanton and stunning, and when Raven shifts and tenses the muscles of her thigh, Lexa lets out this breathy moan and bucks her hips, causing her to slide easily over the top. Raven continues to caress Lexa’s breasts and roll and tense her thigh, and Lexa starts grinding down all desperate and frantic. Her breathes are coming out in harsh pants and Raven can tell by the way she furrows her brow and bites her bottom lip that she’s close. 

“Raven, please,” She whimpers out, and god all Raven wants is to see and feel and hear Lexa come. She smooths a hand down Lexa’s breast and stomach, flattening her palm on her lower abdomen and swiping a thumb down to tease her clit. Lexa whimpers at the touch and continues grinding down on her thigh. Raven tenses and rolls her thigh, speeding up the movements on Lexa’s clit with her thumb, and within seconds, Lexa is crying out and coming all over Raven’s thigh. Her hips jerk forward as her orgasm ripples through her and she rides it out. 

It’s the most breathtaking thing Raven has ever seen.

“Fuck that was hot.” Raven breathes out when Lexa finally starts to come down from her high, her voice raspy and thick with her own desire.

Lexa lets out a satisfied groan before leaning down to give Raven a deep and languid kiss that’s all hot tongues and panting breaths. When she pulls back to meet Raven’s gaze, she looks at her with so much lust and desire in her eyes that Raven barely has time to process what’s happening before Lexa shifts her body to press into Raven’s side, and dip her head down to start kissing and sucking on Raven’s collarbone and neck. She moves a hand to squeeze Raven’s breast before raking her fingers down Raven’s stomach and pelvis and slipping them between her thighs. Raven gasps as Lexa makes contact with her clit, it’s so sensitive after all of the earlier build up and Raven knows that Lexa can tell because she slips her fingers down to tease Raven’s entrance instead.

“Fuck,” Raven groans when Lexa slips one finger inside of her then two, filling her up in the best possible way. Lexa holds her fingers still at first, letting Raven adjust to the feel. 

“Is this okay?” Lexa asks softly, pulling back to look in Raven’s eyes. 

And god, Raven can’t handle how much concern and care she sees in those beautiful green eyes. Raven’s voice is thick with emotion as tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she breathes out a shaky, “Yes”, before leaning up to give Lexa a kiss. Lexa kisses her back gently and carefully as her fingers start to move inside of her, and the feeling is incredible. Raven slips her hands up to tangle in the back of Lexa’s hair, pulling her close as she moans into her mouth and deepens the kiss.

Lexa starts to move her fingers in slow, gentle thrusts, curling them and hitting that spot inside of her that has her walls fluttering in response. 

“God, I love how you feel inside of me.” Raven pants out against Lexa’s lips, unable to stop herself from squirming and rolling her hips in time with Lexa’s fingers.

“I love how it feels to be inside of you. So wet and hot.” Lexa murmurs, trailing her lips down to suck steamy kisses along Raven’s sensitive neck before draping a thigh over Raven’s leg so she can help ground her movements. The weight is perfect and Raven can’t help but shudder at the building feeling of euphoria as Lexa’s fingers continue to pump in and out of her.

“Fuck, baby I’m going to come so hard!” Raven practically whines out between heaving breaths.

“Mmm,” Lexa hums against her neck as she slowly starts to circle Raven’s clit with her thumb. And god, Raven is so close. 

“Faster!” Raven manages to get out between moans and gasps, curling an arm around Lexa’s neck and gripping the sheets with her free hand, trying to hang on as Lexa increases the speed of her thrusts. 

“Fuck, I’m almost there!” 

Lexa continues her thrusts, sucking a bruise on Raven’s neck before pulling back to look in her eyes. Raven swears she hears Lexa’s breath hitch when she takes her in. The way she’s biting down on her bottom lip and the way her green eyes lock onto her is so intense that she almost has to look away. 

“Come for me, Raven.” She breathes out, her voice low and raspy. 

And when she thrusts her fingers inside one last time, curling them and pressing them right where Raven needs them the most while rubbing her clit with her thumb, Raven is crying out. Crashing over the edge as white hot pleasure shoots through her and she comes. Her whole body shaking and jolting as her orgasm rushes through her and she can’t stop the way her hips buck forward wildly as she rides it out. 

The feeling of all consuming pleasure and bliss pulses through Raven’s body in a steady rhythm, before reaching its final peak and settling over her like a warm blanket. Raven has lost all ability to think, her mind blissfully dazed and blank. She shivers when Lexa nuzzles into her neck, trailing gentle kisses along her neck, then jaw and cheek, before pressing softly to her lips. Lexa pulls back to look in Raven’s eyes and she frowns, reaching up a hand to stroke along her cheek.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks softly, and her eyes are so beautiful and her voice is so sweet that Raven can’t quite wrap her mind around Lexa’s question because absolutely nothing is wrong.

“What?” Raven asks, her voice coming out raspy.

“You’re crying.” Lexa says, and Raven realizes Lexa has been wiping away her tears. 

Raven is crying.

She’s actually crying after sex. This has never happened to her before. Normally she would feel embarrassed and pull away, but laying here with Lexa pressed against her, looking at her with so much concern and love in her eyes makes Raven feel safe. And she thinks she’s never felt this safe and comfortable before.

“Yeah,” Raven says. “I guess I am.”

“What’s wrong?” Lexa asks again. 

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Everything’s just right.” Raven says.

Lexa tears up as well and they both just pull each other close and sink into each other’s arms. Lexa traces the scar on her side before trailing her fingers up to trace the scars on her back and Raven sighs and relaxes into her touch. There’s something so beautiful and transcendent about it. Like the broken parts of her are being mended with each gentle touch. 

She’s not sure how long they lay there like that, wrapped in each other’s warmth and touch. But when Lexa pulls back to meet her with a trembling smile and a soft kiss, Raven hopes for once she’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you love and if you’re still interested in this story and want me to continue, even if updates may take a little longer.
> 
> I’m not sure if people have been liking this story or are still interested in reading it, so based on the comments I get I’ll decide if there’s enough interest to keep writing. I’ve been really struggling with writing lately and apologize for the delay.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I’m sorry it’s been so long since I last posted. I’ve been having some issues with both my physical and mental health these past few months, and it’s making it hard for me to write. I’m trying to get better and seek help, but it’s just going to take some time. I promise I haven’t given up on this story and hope to finish it. It just might take longer than I though. Sorry.

The first time they have sex on campus is—surprisingly to Lexa but unsurprisingly to Raven—not in one of their dorm rooms.

Lexa is sitting at a table in the back of the Library, finishing up a paper for her Political Theory course. She’s been working on it for several days now, and she lets out a sigh of relief as she types out the last sentence of her conclusion. She hits save and scrolls back up to the top so she can start proof reading when she hears her phone buzz with a text. 

Raven: Come to the stacks.

Lexa looks around, surprised. Wondering if Raven is nearby, but even after standing up and looking around there’s still no sign of her. So Lexa texts her back.

Lexa: Are you stalking me? 

Raven: Come to the stacks and find out...

And god, Lexa can’t even hide how giddy she feels. She knows she should probably keep working to get her paper done, but it isn’t even due until next week and she’s been here for hours and she could really use a break. So she makes a quick decision, closing her laptop and sliding it into her messenger bag along with her papers and books. She makes her way over to the staircase that leads up to the stacks so she can try to locate her girlfriend. When she gets to the top of the stairs and looks around, she doesn’t immediately find her. Raven didn’t give her a specific location, but the entire floor is empty and it doesn’t take Lexa long to find her all the way in the back at the end of a long row of shelves. 

Raven doesn’t spot her at first, so Lexa takes a moment to take her in. 

Raven is leaning against the back wall, with her arms and legs crossed, staring up at the tall shelves in front of her as if lost in though. Her posture and demeanor are casual and relaxed yet there’s still this tension in the way she holds her body that makes her look confident and strong. Lexa isn’t sure if it’s because of what she’s wearing or because of all of the muscles she knows are hiding beneath the fabric of her clothes. It’s probably a combination of both. She’s dressed mostly in black, except for a white v-neck tee. Her black combat boots and dark jeans go perfectly with the black leather jacket she’s wearing that Lexa loves so much. Her chestnut hair is slightly tousled and mussed from the way she’s always running her fingers through it, her tan skin practically glowing under the dim yellow lights on the upper floor. She’s so sexy and beautiful, and when she catches sight of Lexa her eyes light up and her expression turns all satisfied and smug, and it only adds to Lexa’s desire for her.

Raven tilts her head and raises an eyebrow at her, and she looks so cocky and pleased with herself that if Lexa didn’t find it so hot, she’d probably find it irritating. Raven has always exuded a natural level of confidence and swagger that makes Lexa feel weak in the knees. Combined with the fact that underneath all that Lexa knows there’s a depth of softness, vulnerability, protectiveness and loyalty that are unmatched, just makes Lexa’s heart melt for her even more. 

Lexa briefly considers playing hard to get, putting up some type of performative resistance just to keep up the normal push and pull dynamic they usually fall into, but she can’t bring herself to do it. The sight of Raven standing there like that, looking so infuriatingly beautiful and smug and excited to see her just stirs something inside of Lexa. Makes her feel exceedingly needy and aroused. The connection between them is so strong and she can feel it drawing her forward, pulling her to Raven like a moth to a flame—caught up in the blinding light of her beauty and helpless to resist. 

They hold each other’s gazes as Lexa makes her way down the aisle, and each step forward feels like an increasingly charged current of electricity building and flowing between them. When they’re finally standing face to face, the tension practically sparks, putting Lexa on edge and making it hard to breathe.

“I knew you would come.” Raven says suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows before giving Lexa a once over and a cocky smirk. But there’s a genuine look of wonder and excitement in her eyes that undercuts the overt display of cockiness. And it makes Lexa’s heart ache a little that even after everything they’ve been through, Raven still seems so surprised by the fact that Lexa is actually here. 

That Lexa actually wants her back.

Lexa knows it’s nothing she’s done, it’s the years of rejection and abuse Raven suffered at the hands of her mother. Even the brief thought of it causes Lexa’s stomach to feel sick and her heart to twist painfully in her chest. The specific details Raven has shared with her, causing her imagination to conjure up disturbing, unbidden images all on its own. She tries not to dwell on them, pushing the images from her mind and focusing on the soft brown eyes and warm smiling face in front of her instead. She doesn’t know how long it’s going to take until Raven finally trusts her and believes she deserves more. She wishes more than anything she could make Raven see it and believe it right now, but she knows that’s not how it works. It took Raven years to get like this, and Lexa is willing to be patient with her until she gets to that point for herself. Willing to love her and show her the tender patience and kindness she needs and deserves. If Raven’s mother was the one who taught her she was worthless and undesirable, then Lexa will be the one who teaches her she’s wanted and worth so much more. She only hopes that with time and consistency, Raven will one day see it and believe it for herself. 

Until then, Lexa will believe it for them both.

She leans forward to give Raven a deep kiss, needing to connect with her. Needing Raven to know how much she feels for her. How much she loves her and wants her. How much she’s worth. When she pulls back Raven is breathless and a little bit dazed and there’s a happy and affectionate look in her eyes that makes Lexa’s heart melt and feel like maybe she’s gotten close. 

The soft moment between them stretches on for a few minutes, until Raven’s smile quickly shifts back to something infuriatingly more smug. 

“Damn, Lex. I mean I know I look good today, and it’s been like eight whole hours since we last had sex this morning, but you must be feeling pretty desperate to just jump me like that. Here. In the library of all places.”

Raven wiggles her eyebrows and Lexa tries to hide her smirk. 

“That’s a little rich coming from someone who knows the exact number of hours it’s been since we last had sex.”

“Oh, please. Don’t act like you haven’t been keeping track too.”

And, okay, fair point. But Lexa is definitely not about to let Raven get one up on her.

“Have you been stalking me?” Lexa asks coyly, shifting the focus of the conversation, unable to stop herself from bantering back.

“You wish.” Raven rolls her eyes. “I was actually looking for a book I needed for an engineering class then spotted you on my way up the stairs. And let’s just say that you were very distracting.” She says suggestively, her eyes dragging down Lexa’s body before moving back up to her lips then her eyes. “I thought I could get by just watching you for a little bit, but in the end it wasn’t enough. Had to get you up here with me.” 

Raven says that last statement in a low voice, biting her bottom lip and reaching out to hook her fingers in Lexa’s belt loops so she can tug her forward until their hips are flush. Lexa goes willingly, leaning into Raven’s body and bracing her hands on the wall on either side of her head to steady herself. The possessive and lustful look in Raven’s eyes has her immediately becoming wet, and she can barely stifle a moan when Raven arches her hips forward and slips her hands around to squeeze Lexa’s ass and grind into her.

“You know,” Lexa says breathily, “I know I’m not a lawyer yet—something you repeatedly like to point out—but that definitely sounds like stalking to me.” Her voice comes out more shaky than she’d like, feeling a little overwhelmed by how quickly the moment has shifted into something so sexual between them. 

The connection between them so strong.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, giving Lexa a hooded look before leaning in to suck steamy kisses on her neck. “Would you like that?” She murmurs, her warm breath tickling Lexa’s skin and causing her to shudder and break out in goosebumps.

“Maybe.” Lexa replies breathily, closing her eyes as Raven continues trailing kisses up and down her throat.

“Hmm, sounds a little self-absorbed if you ask me. You must really think highly of yourself if you think I’d get myself in legal trouble for you.” Raven says, her kisses and grip becoming more firm. “I mean, you are my girlfriend after all. You really think I’m so desperate and horny for you that I would need to resort to stalking? Very presumptuous, don’t you think?”

And it’s mildly infuriating that Raven is being so cocky and smug when Lexa knows for a fact that she actually is that desperate and horny. But she knows arguing with Raven when she’s like this is pointless, so she decides to take action instead. She pulls back and grabs Raven by the lapels of her leather jacket before settling her with a sultry gaze. 

“Raven?” Lexa pants out, trying not to smirk at the look of genuine shock and desire on her face.

“Yeah?” Raven asks, her voice raspy and her breath hitching when Lexa rolls her hips into her.

“Stop talking.” She says lowly, before pulling her in for a kiss. 

Raven stumbles and lets out a little ‘oomph’ of surprise before steadying herself with Lexa’s hips. Lexa presses her into the wall and leans into her, loving the way their breasts and stomachs press together and the way their hips fit so snug. The kiss starts out slow and deep, as they sigh and open up to each other with soft hums and warm licks. It quickly builds up into something more frantic and intense as they grind into each other with their hips and grip each other’s clothes, Raven’s hands sliding up to caress and squeeze Lexa’s breasts over her shirt. The passion between them is so palpable and strong, and before long they’re both shaking and gasping for air.

They pull back and meet each others’ gazes and Lexa’s heart catches in the back of her throat. Raven’s eyes are wild and hazy, her lips swollen and her cheeks lightly flushed. Her gaze is heavy-lidded, her eyelashes dark and long, and the way she’s biting down on her lip is so sexy and god, she looks so good like this. All Lexa can think about is how much she wants her, and she doesn’t even give herself time to think about it. Just slips a hand down to undo the front of Raven’s pants before shoving her hand inside. Lexa’s fingers slide easily beneath the waistband of Raven’s boyshorts, her own clit throbbing when she feels how warm and wet Raven is and sees the look of pure lust and desire flash through warm brown eyes.

Lexa barely moves her fingers, but Raven arches her hips forward and sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering closed as she lets out a soft groan and bites down on her lower lip. She looks so good, and Lexa can’t help but glide her fingers between Raven’s soft folds, her movements slow and careful as she purposely avoids her clit. Raven’s hips buck forward again, seeking out Lexa’s touch where she wants it the most, and when Lexa finally shifts her fingers to brush them over her clit, Raven’s whole body stiffens and she lets out a strangled moan. The sound is hot but loud as it echoes off the walls around them. It’s so startling amidst the silence, that Lexa is certain they’re going to get caught. And she knows she should probably feel more guilty or concerned, but she’s not. The idea of getting caught only turning her on more and driving her to increase the pressure of her fingers. Raven’s hips jolt and her eyes practically bug out.

“Fuck, Lexa what are you—” 

But Lexa cuts her off with a steamy kiss that Raven quietly whimpers into, using the silencing of her lips to start moving her fingers.

Lexa quickens the pace of her fingers, making sure to keep up a steady pressure and rhythm as her fingers glide along the sides of Raven’s clit. Raven grips the back of Lexa’s neck and groans, licking into her mouth hot and deep before biting down on her lower lip and sucking hard. Lexa feels her own arousal increasing at how hot the whole thing is. She continues building Raven up, with her up and down movements, creating a steady rhythm and gently squeezing her fingers together to put more pressure on her clit. Raven lets out these harsh, shuddery breaths against Lexa’s lips as she tries to hold back her moans. Her whole body is tense and shaking with the effort to stay quiet, and the idea that Raven has to show so much restraint because of how good Lexa is making her feel is such a turn on for Lexa that she almost forgets where they are. 

There’s a foreign cough in the background that brings them both back to their senses, reminding them they’re in a semi public location and not alone. Lexa stills the movement of her fingers and drags her lips away from their kiss. 

“Can you be quiet?” Lexa asks, her voice so low and throaty it doesn’t even sound like her.

Raven is still struggling to catch her breath, her hips slightly swaying and rocking into Lexa’s hand.

“Yeah,” She breathes out all gravelly and low, and she sounds so sexy and looks so desperate that Lexa leans in to give her a thorough kiss that’s sloppy and mostly just tongue. 

Raven quietly whimpers into the kiss and threads her fingers through the back of Lexa’s hair, tightening her grip and deepening the kiss until they both pull back shaking. Lexa moves to trail kisses down her jaw and neck, sucking on her pulse point and moving her fingers along her clit again. Lexa can hear Raven taking in sharp breaths, releasing them in harsh broken pants and barely restrained sighs, and despite Raven’s attempt to stay quiet, she’s still too loud.

“Raven,” Lexa murmurs softly against her neck, stilling her fingers. “You have to stay quiet or we have to stop.”

“No. Don’t stop. I can be quiet. I promise.” The words are whispered out needy and strained against Lexa’s shoulder as Raven reaches down a shaky hand to grab Lexa’s wrist and urge her on. Lexa starts to move her fingers again, but this time Raven is even worse, and Lexa is about to put things to a stop when Raven grabs Lexa’s freehand and presses it firmly it over her mouth.

It’s so surprising to Lexa that she immediately pulls back to meet Raven’s eyes. They’ve never done anything restrictive like this before and Lexa isn’t really sure how she feels about it. Especially considering Raven’s past. 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Lexa asks, feeling uncertain.

Raven gives her a reassuring look and a small nod, and if Raven feels okay about this, then who is Lexa to deny her? She removes her hand briefly to give Raven a soft kiss, before slipping it back up to cover her mouth. Raven exhales a shaky breath against her hand and when Lexa starts moving her fingers again, Raven’s whole body arches forward as she reaches up a steadying hand to grip the back of Lexa’s neck and pull her close. 

Their foreheads press together as things start to heat up again, and all Lexa can think is that she wants to kiss her. But Raven’s moans are too loud and Lexa’s hand is doing its job to muffle the noises they can’t afford to make. So she settles for closing her eyes, and focusing on the feeling of her fingers sliding through Raven’s wet heat instead. She feels warm, and silky smooth, and Lexa relishes in the velvety feel of her clit as her fingers glide along the sides, before dipping down to tease her entrance. Raven’s hips jerk forward in response, slipping the tips of Lexa’s fingers inside, but there’s no way Lexa is going to finger her to orgasm here, knowing that Raven is far too loud when she comes like that. Lexa is quick to pull her fingers out, slipping them back up to work on Raven’s clit. They find a steady rhythm, as Lexa once again slips her fingers along either side and squeezes them together to increase the pressure on the sensitive tip. Raven’s hips rock forward in time with Lexa’s movements, and she’s so wet that Lexa’s fingers almost slip inside of her a few times. She can tell Raven is getting close and she needs something a little different to make her come, so Lexa starts moving her fingers in a circular motion, loving the way Raven’s hips stutter and she lets out a muffled groan.

Lexa keeps up the circular movement, and she can feel the way the tension in Raven’s body builds and builds, her breaths getting harsher and her muffled moans louder. And when she speeds up her fingers and increases the pressure, Raven’s whole body stiffens, her legs tensing and her hips jerking forward as she grips the back of Lexa’s neck and comes. She lets out muffled cries with each wave that pulses through her. Her body convulsing and her boots scraping against the floor as she tries to stay standing. And if Raven would just stop making so much noise, Lexa could actually use the hand on her mouth to help her out. But Raven just keeps shuddering and moaning and Lexa is forced to keep her hand where it is. When the last wave of her orgasm pulses through her, Raven opens her eyes and pulls Lexa’s hand from her mouth and Lexa immediately leans in to kiss her and swallow her soft sighs and moans. The kiss is lingering and deep, even as Raven is still trying to catch her breath. They kiss and breathe each other in, both letting out soft, contented sighs. 

When the kiss eventually ends, and Raven stops shaking, she gives Lexa a heavy lidded gaze before reaching down to pull Lexa’s hand from between her thighs so she can suck her fingers into her mouth. She sucks Lexa’s fingers clean, even going so far as to lick off some of the come that had gotten on her palm. It’s hot, and a huge turn on, but Lexa knows that the things she wants Raven to do to her require them to both be naked and in bed. Raven kisses Lexa’s palm, before releasing it and reaching up to link her fingers behind Lexa’s neck instead. She pulls her in for another kiss and Lexa hums at the faint taste of Raven’s arousal.

“Fuck, Lexa you made me come so good. That was so fucking hot.” Raven breathes out hotly against her lips, and Lexa just sighs and presses their foreheads together.

“What are you doing after this?” Lexa asks softly, enjoying the way they stay pressed close together.

“Hopefully you.” Raven teases, and Lexa has to hold back a giggle as she pulls back to meet her eyes.

“You know, I think you were onto something with that whole sex addict thing.”

Raven just scoffs and squeezes Lexa’s ass, and it makes Lexa feel the ache between her own thighs that has been steadily building up and is now at a throb. She’s tempted to just have Raven take care of her there, but then her stomach growls and she’s reminded of how long it’s been since she’s last eaten.

“Can we at least get some dinner first?”

“Fine,” Raven relents, slightly rolling her eyes. “You’re definitely going to need some sustenance for the night I have planned for you.” 

Lexa smiles and blushes at the implication of Raven’s words, reaching down to zip and button Raven’s pants before tugging her shirt back down where it had ridden up during their exchange. She tries and fails to ignore both the sight and feeling of Raven’s abs, her fingers lingering and smoothing over the warm, muscular planes. Raven clears her throat, breaking Lexa out of her quiet reverie and when she meets Raven’s hooded gaze and knowing smirk, her cheeks flush even more when she realizes how badly she’s failed. Lexa is once again hit with the urgent desire for Raven to just take her here, but she’s hungry and her back feels stiff after being hunched over her computer for so long, and she’s pretty sure having sex against bookshelves will not help with the matter. So she takes a deep breath to steady herself before pulling back so she can straighten her own disheveled clothes. Raven watches her with a longing look and an affectionate smile, tucking a loose curl behind Lexa’s ear and leaning in to give her a sweet kiss when she’s done.

“You ready?” Raven asks softly.

Lexa just smiles and nods.

She feels her heart flutter a little when Raven leans down to pick up her messenger bag without a second thought, slinging it over her shoulder and reaching for Lexa’s hand. Lexa laces their fingers together and Raven gives a slight squeeze and a tug, and soon they’re making their way down the long row of shelves. Lexa takes in the different labels on the shelves as they pass them by and is suddenly reminded of why they’re up here in the first place.

“Wait,” she says, pulling on Raven’s hand and bringing them to a stop. “Don’t you have a book you need to get?”

“What book?” Raven asks, genuinely confused.

And Lexa narrows her eyes. “The book you said you were up here looking for. For your class?”

“Oh right, that book. Um, yeah, I couldn’t find it.” Raven says, biting her bottom lip and darting her eyes away. “Either someone already checked it out or this Library’s collection of books for engineering majors seriously sucks. Maybe I’ll file a complaint with the dean.”

Lexa just sighs and shakes her head.

“There was no book was there?”

Raven gives her a slightly guilty and mischievous grin.

“Okay, you caught me. I just missed you and wanted to see you, and knew you would be here. But then I saw you looking all nerdy and sexy, typing and using that big brain of yours, and it was such a turn on that I couldn’t wait. I just had to have you.”

And god, will Lexa ever get used to being so wanted by Raven like this? 

Probably not.

“Not really helping your case with the whole stalking thing.” Lexa teases, unable to help herself.

“I don’t care. You’re worth the legal trouble. Plus, I could just hire you as my lawyer. Get to see you in action. Putting that brain and mouth to good use. Using your fingers for something else besides just typing,” she says suggestively, giving Lexa a sly grin.

“Oh my god! Do you ever stop thinking about having sex with me?”

“Why the hell would I do that?” Raven asks, looking like she’s legitimately offended.

“Oh god, you really are a sex addict aren’t you?”

“I can’t help it. You’re good at it, and hot and I’m kinda in love with you. What do you expect?” 

The way Raven just says the words so casual and wistful, has a deep feeling of affection unfurling in Lexa’s chest. She wants to say something back, but Raven always makes her feel things that she can’t put into words, so she just leans in to give her an intimate kiss instead.

“What was that for?” Raven asks, a little breathless when Lexa pulls back.

“I’m kind of in love with you too.” Lexa smiles and Raven looks almost shy at the admission, and Lexa is reminded once again of how surprising and unexpected this must feel to her. A wide smile stretches across Raven’s face as a look of soft, genuine excitement fills up her warm brown eyes.

“I still can’t get over hearing you say that sometimes.” Raven breathes out vulnerable and quiet and a little bit in awe.

“Good. I don’t ever want you to get over it.”

“I don’t think I ever will.”

The tender moment stretches between them as they hold each other’s gazes.

Raven is the first one to break eye contact, looking down at their joined hands and squeezing before lifting her gaze back up and giving Lexa a mischievous grin.

“Lets go eat some dinner so I can have you for dessert.” She smirks and Lexa just laughs and pulls her along.

They eat dinner before driving back to the apartment, and when Raven shoves her down on the bed and strips her naked before burying her face between her thighs, they both get exactly what they want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter is still good, even if I’m not at my best right now. Comments are greatly appreciated and needed.
> 
> tumblr: lexxaven


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